DJ / Dance Wed Dec 14 2011

December 14th only, Bump and Grindcore: A Tribute to the Pied Piper of R n' B

By Jason Olexa

R. Kelly is one far out singer but he's always represented Chicago. Tonight is our chance to give it back to one of our towns most talented. Eric from Glitter Guts has assembled a pop band, DJs, porn stars, comedians, newspaper columnists, a rapper, singers, and burlesque performers to celebrate the life of The Pied Piper of R n B; Mr. Robert Kelly. Bump and Grindcore will be at The Beauty Bar for one night only, Wednesday December 14th. It's time to put on your stepping shoes and go out and step the whole night through.

R. Kelly is one of the most conflicted artists our city has produced. Kells believes in a world where his mind is a creation engine that spews forth fully formed solutions to humanities problems. The inefficiency of long distance space travel is solved by rockets fueled on erotic thoughts, relationships repair themselves with a ballad, a human male can birth a child without the assistance of a female, a dinner that can cook itself, and a omnipresent narrator can right America's sexual bigotry. All these fantastical creations and more exist in R. Kelly's songs. Behind this lavish imagery we have one of the greatest songwriters of our generation. If you're a man, woman, dinosaur, or astral born metaphysical presence R. Kelly has a song about how with a trip to the club or church will straighten you out and bring a new level of success to your life.

Outside of the musical realm we have an R. Kelly who self finances, write, directs, and produces hip hopera films, makes questionable real estate investments, eats McRib sandwiches in a tuxedo, and has legal troubles. There's a multi-million dollar film script waiting to be written on the premise that R. Kelly is a stranded traveler from another place with a different belief system from us. It would be like a multiple world theory embracing version of Coming to America. This film would kill in ratings after reruns of Ancient Aliens on the History Channel.

Reflecting a man who's personality pulls in so many directions Glitter Guts has packed the night deep. Bump and Grindcore looks to be a night of varied entertainments and delights for all your senses. Starting on the musical tip there will be a set by the writers of the neon pop ballad "Panties In The Sink" The Embraceables. Experienced party rocker British Knights and 3LC/Moneyworth will provide DJ sets. RedEye writer Ernest Wilkins, rapper Show You Suck, porn star Sidney Scarlet (NSFW), Megan Fredette, comedian Emerson Dameron, and Jack Absinthe will perform dramatic readings of Kells inspired material. Rounding out the night will be burlesque performances by Josephine Shaker and Lady Shana Von-Gabor. Glitter Guts will bring their battle hardened photo booth to document the evening as well.

Moneworth gives her top 5 reasons why she would ditch her date and leave the club with R. Kelly:

5. His skin
4. Handsome
3. He Sings
2. Plus He's Rich
1. He's a Flirt
Honorable mention: If it's the remix then it's simply inevitable

To get you ignited up for the night out here are R n' B inspired DJ sets by British Knights and Moneyworth and a lusty number by The Embraceables:

What the Hell?! by The Embraceables

NOWHERE CLUB / 3LC / October 2011 by creamteam

Disco Death Threat I Think We are Nacho Brothers by BritishKnights

Admittance to this circus of futurist R n' B inspired revelry will be $3. Colt 45 will be on hand with free samples of their malt liquor/juice hybrid Blast*. 9PM. 21+. The Beauty Bar is located at 1440 W Chicago Ave.

*Author note: In my misadventures through liquor transportation via liver I've sampled Blast. I can only describe it's taste as something that came out of the backside of Toucan Sam. This is your fair warning.