Dating Thu Nov 17 2011

Chicago Dating 2.011: The THIRD date

By Niki Fritz

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I vividly remember being in high school and hearing the third date "rule" on one particularly scandalous episode of Sex in the City. (For those not schooled in the Sex Bible according to Carrie, the Third Date Rule, is basically you must have sex on the third date, no exceptions.) My 15-year-old puritanical self couldn't help but think what kind of slut sleeps with a guy on the third date.

However years later, after freeing myself from the sexless prison known as Green Bay via to the liberating hippies of UW-Madison, I now find myself trying to quantify dates or round up, if you will. Can I count that first date as two dates since it was really dinner AND a movie, which is like two separate activities and therefore two separate dates? What about that 3-hour phone call where we talked about his fear of turning into his father and my fear of Asian cartoons as date number two? And there was that one particularly witty Facebook exchange of wall posts...the sharing of honey badger and keyboard cat is really one of the more intimate Facebook acts.

All this justification just to get me to the magic number three so I can justify my slutty sexy fun time.

OK so I don't really count dates. I think that is insane; even crazier than that new "What's Your Number" movie. If you are a 20-something who has sex without religious guilt or the ties of promise rings, you have probably slept with someone on the ¼ date and you have probably also waited 3 months. If you are routinely sexually active, you know that sex is not always at the "right" time nor is it at the culturally acceptable time. As long as you are safe and don't feel like shit in the morning, I think we should all be a little easier about the whole "right" time thing.

That said, sex on the third date while matching is probably not the wisest decision. Hear me out! I'm not being preachy; I'm being logistically realistic.

While on Match I am actively dating 2-3 people and chatting with another 2-3. In my very limited experience, that means attempting to keep about 5 people's stories straight while also trying to erase the facts of those already "nay"ed. That is a lot of sibling names, hometowns and favorite bands to keep straight not to mention my previously mentioned bad habit of forgetting dates' names. All this does not mesh for a particularly magical bedroom experience, shouting Mmmnnnn's name and attempting to remember which date is allergic to nuts and which to latex.

Beyond the logistics of fact memorizing, there is the issue of what after that third date? For your newly minted sex partner, dates four, five and six are pretty much solidified into a steady rhythm of sex, with perhaps a brief post coital moment of history sharing. Sex is going to take priority over any additional getting to know you activities. As for the rest of the yet-to-sex dates, you are putting them at a serious disadvantage. No amount of witty banter or fancy dinners can equate to an orgasm. It is unfair but true.

Perhaps all of this is just exposing the remaining rusted shackles of a puritan Wisco upbringing with those crazy northern notions that you can't make yourself happy with random sex. Perhaps one day, when I reach the golden 30's, I will look back and laugh as I juggle my cross-continental lovers. But today I have a hard enough time managing my Google calendar without attempting to juggle the emotions of multiple matches.

All this said I'm not known for being the wisest and most rationale of human beings and have been rather unfortunately likened to Carrie Bradshaw in my lifetime.

I'm still looking for some awesome worst date stories people! So far I have quite a few involving bodily functions. Send them my way at write2fritz (at) gmail (dot) com. Happy Dating!

Waiting for sex sucks. To make the wait a little more bearable, check out Chicago's own Early to Bed in Uptown. The super friendly staff is sure to help you find something to help pass these cold winter months.

And if that isn't your cup to tea, there is always Craigslist, where 1 in 5 dominatrix relationships now start.

Previous Entry: The First Kiss

Next Entry: The Best of the Worst