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Comedy Fri Oct 12 2012
CLLAW-O-Ween: Interviews with Calamity Pain and Drinkerbell
Here's the deal -- on Saturday, October 13, The Chicago League of Lady Arm Wrestlers (CLLAW) will be unleashing the most gruesome lady arm-wrestlers in all of Chicago. They are calling this event CLLAW-O-WEEN, and I'm calling it your plans for this Saturday night. If you haven't been to a CLLAW -- put on by The Sideshow Theatre Company -- I feel bad for you. I'll take a quick pause for you to shed a tear.
At the last CLLAW I saw, the ladies really got elbow-greased up and spit-shined the competition. The show was like a burlesque fighting ring, and I can't imagine what they are going to do for a Halloween event. It's seriously one of the most crowd-interacting events you will attend (if you dare, or course).
Rokke L. Squelch will be the emcee and Annie Chokeley, Killer Bee, Lumberjack Jill, and Harajuka Ninja are some of the arm-wrestlers you can expect to see, but who knows what surprises they'll have.
These ladies are rough, but they do it for a good cause! All proceeds from the event will benefit Sideshow Theatre and its partner charity Rock for Kids.
Now, of course we know that no one is safe, but safety isn't the question. The question is: who is the fiercest lady arm-wrestler who lady arm-wrestles in Chicago? I searched every dark alley in the city and I was able to track down Drinkerbell and Calamity Pain -- two ladies who will be arm-wrestling at CLLAW-O-WEEN.
Calamity Pain (Erin Stevens)
Where are you from?
Well I was pretty much born in a cactus patch in the middle of nowhere. I grew up on the back of a horse, riding around, chasing tumbleweed. I started arm-wrestlin' when I was about six years old against some ugly-ass, burly mountain men just t'get 'em to leave me the hell alone.
What are you doing to prepare for the upcoming CLLAW event?
My latest training regimen is I wake up and drink about a pint of bacon grease. What I really like to do is take two full handles of whiskey and do about 500 reps on my biceps and then I just have a big ole' steak and go for a walk. That kind of thing.
Who is your biggest rival and who do you hate the most?
My biggest rival is that little mosquito they like to call the Killer Bee -- I don't know why, because she's the scrawniest little thing I ever seen, her tiny little legs look like nose hairs.
Do you have any words for your competitors?
I'm pretty much just hankering for a good-ole' granny-slappin' time. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I don't stomp mud holes in each one of their games.
Thanks for your time Calamity, I know you have a lot to do to prepare.
My pleasure.
Drinkerbell (Erin Morrill)
Where are you from -- what's your story?
Well, I'm originally from Neverland, but I ended up getting kicked out because I had too much of a drinking problem. Now I'm living in Chicago and arm-wrestling for booze money. I got so good that now I'm in CLLAW.
What are you doing to prepare for the upcoming event?
Drinking a lot. I'm going to bars, fighting people on the street and taking as many naps as possible.
If someone wants to buy you a drink at CLLAW what type of drink should it be?
Anything with whiskey in it.
Who is your biggest rival at CLLAW -- who do you hate the most?
I hate Florida Devereaux even though she's on my team, because I want to be the star of the show. My new rival is Moulin Rouge, because I'm arm-wrestling her in the first round.
What's your final word to your competitors?
You better watch out because you will have lots of bruises on you after this match.
Thank you Drinkerbell, I know that this was taking away from your drinking time.
Yeah, I'm going to go stumble off to a bar now.
CLLAW-O-WEEN will take place this Saturday at O'Malley's Liquor Kitchen located at 3551 N. Sheffield Avenue. Tickets are $25 and include access to a three-hour open bar from 10pm to 1am. If you don't want to buy the open-bar package, a $10 entry fee will get you into the event, and a cash bar is available. The doors open at 9:30pm, and the first match is at 10pm.
