Bucket List Sun Mar 03 2013

My Chicago Bucket List (T-6months): Lady Arm Wrestling is as Awesome as it Sounds

By Niki Fritz

Previous Entry: My Unfinished Bucket List

If my life in Chicago has taught me anything, it is that the measure of a good Chicago night can be seen by the remnants of the evening in your bed the morning after. I woke up after CLLAW (Chicago League of Ladies Arm Wrestlers) with tiny red stars littering my bed, the name "Hills" signed in red marker across my left breast and the distinct taste of PBR still in my mouth. My terrible morning hair concurred; CLLAW had been a success, one more thing that made me fall completely and utterly in love with the city of Chicago and all of the crazy creative people that inhabit it.

To be honest, when I thought about going to a CLLAW event, I thought "Cool, I'll see some ladies arm wrestle. That seems like a pretty gender-dichotomy-crushing thing to do today." It was one of those things that seemed to have that feministy flavor I love while also not being some horrifically boring feminism education event straight out of "Portlandia's" "Women and Women First" bookstore. CLLAW is feminism in action baby!

But when I got to Logan Square Auditorium, I realized CLLAW was so much freaking more than ladies arm wrestling; it was an entire night of performance with the ladies taking center stage, and left stage, and right stage, and the entire audience. While the sensational drag queen Vallery Dolls riveted the audience with her own version of some Disney classics, the wrestlers and often their large entourages worked the crowd.

The Cutting Edge, a sweet but cutthroat world champion skater, charmed the crowd with what appeared to be her overzealous coach. Ivana Drago and her troupe of ridiculously tall henchmen stalked through the crowd, parting the increasingly large audience with sheer intimidation. And the Killer Bee and Armegeddon routinely got into skirmishes with each other, which the short-shorted refs had to break up. And of course throughout the entire pre-bout show, the wrestlers were trying to convince the audience to "bet" on them with cllawbux, the official currency of lady arm wrestling.

And this was all before the "show" actually started. The bouts themselves were intense, occasionally involving confetti and wig pulling. The crowd definitely chose favorites and voiced their opinions more profoundly as the night went on. As wrestlers fell one by one, it came down to the final two: The Killer Bee and the dark horse, crowd-choice of the night, The Doctor. In the end the Killer Bee took home the win with a victory dance worthy of the night.

To add even more warm lady fuzzies to the night, all the proceeds of the event went to Girls Rock!, a rock and roll camp for girls aged 8-16. All in all it was a night of inspiring ladies; one of those nights where I am just blown away by the sheer volume of female comedic talent in this second city; a night that makes me also pretty proud to be a Chicago lady.

It was also one of those nights that makes me feel like I am discovering an entirely new city, like Chicago is home to a million different little villages of awesome. And finally it was a night that made me seriously question if I should take that fellowship to study communications and human sexuality at Indiana University in the Fall. Because, although I hear Bloomington is cool and shit, I highly doubt they have lady arm wrestlers.

Realistically though, come August I'll be on my way to a college town of 80,000 people. Eighty thousand. Which basically is to say I've got to fit in as much big-city-living as I can in the next six months. It is time to expand and then speed up this bucket list. For each thing I check off my bucket list, I'm going to try to add one more. It's going to be a busy summer.

T-6 months "For Reals" Bucket List
1. Go to Porn and Chicken on Monday night at Evil Olive.
2. Recommit to my hippy ways for a night at the Full Moon Fire Jam.
3. Do something purely touristy: kiss on top of the Ferris wheel at navy peer, skate at Millennium Park, buy a $26 drink at the Signature Room.
4. Geek out at a taping of "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me." I would like to finally embrace my "I heard on NPR" yuppy self and possibly touch Mo Rocca.
5. Host a workshop about sex for young women.
6. Turtle Races at Joe's.
X 7. Attend a Chicago Ladies' Arm Wrestling event.
8. See a stupid Cubs game because I live in Chicago.
9. Spend a day in Pilsen.
10. Find my favorite Chicago band and see them in concert.
11. Sweat it out at Dance Dance Party Party