Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Tuesday, April 16

Gapers Block

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dce / November 21, 2003 8:09 AM

So every organization needs a resident flake. It's in the contract - look for yourself.

As you may have gathered, I'm not really on vacation. Andrew's just too much of a professional to tell it like it is. Were he to speak his mind, he'd undoubtedly communicate his profound disappointment.

I've shamed both myself and my family. Ritual disembowelment is clearly my only recourse. But before I spill my guts, as it were, I'd like to offer a bit of explanation (which is altogether different from an excuse).

It was the Hideout that did me in.

Kelly Hogan and Scott Ligon were playing, and Nora O'Connor joined them for a few songs. It was wonderful.

Their perfect harmonies worked magic on some classic country material. Conway Twitty and the Everly Brothers would have been proud.

And never have I been so moved by gospel music. Though ostensibly an atheist, I have to admit that there are some beautiful songs about Jesus.

Alas, any spiritual awakening was squelched by great quantities of beer and Makers Mark Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. Buzzed with great music and alcohol, I came home and went right to bed - blissfully ignorant of my Gapers Block responsibilities.

For this, there is no recourse. I don't have a samurai sword, but I'm hoping my Cooks Club serrated bread knife will do the job,

Phineas / November 21, 2003 9:51 AM

Dave, you can't just disembowel yourself. You need a second to slice your head off after you've slit your belly. There are rules.

So what time's good for you?

Ramsin / November 21, 2003 1:06 PM

Hey, if Kitty Carlyle married Conway Titty, she'd be Kitty Twitty!!
--Rip Taylor

Rip Taylor has a way of saying what we're all thinking.

dce / November 22, 2003 10:06 AM

Apparently, there's a handy guide on the web for seppuku. I'll look into it.

dce / November 22, 2003 10:07 AM


Here's the link:


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