Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Monday, October 14
Sex advice is the best -- and most awkward -- kind!
The closest I've come is having my tarot cards read, which I've done several times (and do, myself, for others.) As with anything, most of the interpretation is determined by the readee, not the reader.
More importantly, what did you write to ol' Dan Davage? Hmm? Hmmm?
I get my horoscope sent to my phone every day, and enjoy the brevity that the format enforces. I'm not a big believer in horoscopes, it's just kind of funny. However, I saved my favorite one, because it's just damn good advice: "Try to be here in person. It's a chance of a lifetime. You have so much to gain."
That's advice to heed indeed. Bleed. Weed. Creed. Seed.
I've thought about seeing a psychic but not really. I've heard that they sort of tell you things you sort of know or try to guess and be openly vague about things so that it sounds like they know but they're just guestimating. Nah, I'd like to think you have a choice. Matrix Reloaded anyone?
I'll never tell, Naz.
Damnit. Did he publish it though?
You know about the "in bed" thing with fortune cookies? Well, last night my fortune cookie said "You are what you eat."
In Berkeley they had a school for psychics. I loved that.
Each morning, I slaughter a pigeon and inspect its innards. As everyone knows, this is the most reliable way to determine what the gods portend.
Brian, they have a school here, too. Last I checked they were on Clark St. above the Mongolian BBQ place, I think.
I avoid pigeon innards, they're nothing but offal. But occasionally a horoscope is so right on its creepy.
And tarot has made me think about many things in my life differently. And, that seems preferable to knowing exactly what is going to happen next. At least to me.
I used to visit a Cherokee astrologist in Talequah, Oklahoma. We would bring her "gifts" of cigarettes (she wasn't too picky about the brand) and then settle in for a good ol' fashioned chart reading.
Best advice she ever gave me was to "stay away from that Scorpio." We both knew which Scorpio she was referring to ... and she was right, he was bad news in the end.
My 7th grade science project was on Astrology, but I consulted no psychics. I don't think my mom let me.
Sometime in the spring every year the Chicago branch of the School of Metaphysics opens up a ‘national dream hotline’ and if you call up and tell ‘em your freaky dream they will interpret it for you.
My entire life I have had that (typical) reoccruing dream where my teeth fall out. So I called.
And!?!?! You can't leave us hanging!
My philosophy degree's concentration was in Metaphysics/Epistemology. The first day of a mid-level metaphysics course (on causation), my professor said, "This is a metaphysics class. Just so you know, metaphysics is NOT anything have to do with future-telling stones, tarot cards, constellations, wicca, or communing with nature. It's Aristotelian book that followed physica, so he called it meta-physica." Half the class got up and left.
So, no. But Assyrians ladies like to pretend that they can read your future in upside-down coffe cups.
Oh, nothing I hadn’t heard before. Classic anxiety dream where supposedly the dreamer is not taking advantage of new opportunities/information/learning experiences he or she is undergoing at the time. Being the slacker I am, I can go along with that.
Plus, I prefer that interpretation to the others I’ve heard including teeth falling out in dream = big fat liar. I may be a slacker, but I am one honest slacker.
Not much of a story really.
I had my cards read when I was 19 -- and everything she told absolutely, positively came true. Wierd, huh? Yup, I never went back.
(And, no -- they weren't vague details either. It was very specific things.)
I don't exactly consult psychics or astrology, but this guy's stuff can get downright scary. Plus his newsletter always includes some very poignant writing..
http://www.freewillastrology.com/
I like sandwiches.
I get my horoscope from Georgia Nichols at the Sun-Times. Funniest lady ever. Check out mine from yesterday:
I hope you read this before you climb into your car, bus or golf cart. Your concentration is poor today. If you lived in Japan and drove a taxi, you would have a sign on your windshield saying, "Watch out for me." (Actually, it uses different words. Japanese--to start with.)
The fuck?
I get my horoscope from Georgia Nichols at the Sun-Times. Funniest lady ever. Check out mine from yesterday:
I hope you read this before you climb into your car, bus or golf cart. Your concentration is poor today. If you lived in Japan and drove a taxi, you would have a sign on your windshield saying, "Watch out for me." (Actually, it uses different words. Japanese--to start with.)
The fuck?
I had my palm read once. She said that I would be proposed to three times and that I would accept on the third time--in my late twenties--"for true love." So I haven't taken anything serious since because, you know, I have stuff to do! I think I have been proposed to seriously not once yet, and not seriously about twice. So what counts here?
I used to live with a regal Ethiopian lady who liked to sit on a barstool in the middle of the living room and twirl around pointing to people and telling them their fortunes. She was very authoritative sounding. But all she said to me, with great flourish, was "You. You just keep going on the way you are." Perhaps I should not have listened.
When I was in college, some friends and I did an improv radio show at WRCT, where we told stories, played improv games, and so forth in a mostly-radio-friendly format.
Most of the time we'd try to pimp the audience (all three of them) to call in and make suggestions, talk with us, or whatever. Most weeks we had one or two calls, tops.
The day one of us posed as a psychic, reading (i.e. making up off the top of her head) caller's fortunes, the phones rang from beginning to end.
Like Andrew, the closest I've come to this personally is tarot cards, but it's been a pretty long time, and that was done with a friend, not with a pro.
Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?
Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?
Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?
Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?
I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?
amyc / July 11, 2003 9:57 AM
I once wrote in to Savage Love. Does that count?