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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Tuesday, March 5

Gapers Block

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Andrew / April 12, 2005 11:48 PM

For the record, the official city motto is "Urbs in Horto," Latin for "City in a Garden."

Slack-a-gogo / April 13, 2005 12:20 AM

The motto should be "Cunctus vobis Comesum," Latin for "All you can Eat."*

*not responsible for bastardation of actual Latin

Michael / April 13, 2005 12:44 AM

Sucks to be You

Mike / April 13, 2005 6:33 AM

Chicgo, City on the Make

ok, Algren wrote it but it still works..

Steve / April 13, 2005 7:42 AM

Mike beat me to the Algren line, dangnabbit.

How about "Chicago: We Have TWO Baseball Teams."

Pete / April 13, 2005 8:15 AM

Algren also suggested "Where's Mine?"

Michael / April 13, 2005 8:28 AM

With all the scandals in City Hall as of late, the slogan could just as well be:

Chicago, City on the Take

Mike / April 13, 2005 9:00 AM

"We regret this inconvenience and Expect to be moving shortly."


"We're actually going to lay public school teachers OFF."

Thurston / April 13, 2005 9:15 AM

Chicago: Grey Skies and Pasty Thighs

Tim / April 13, 2005 9:33 AM

"Still better than NY"

Tim / April 13, 2005 9:35 AM


"Like other big cities, but friendly...and clean"

kerry / April 13, 2005 9:37 AM

Just the other day I was thinking Chicago's motto should be "It could be worse."
The traffic would be worse if you lived in Boston, the weather would be worse if you lived in Minneapolis, the air quality would be worse if you lived in LA, the violence would be worse if you lived in DC, etc.
Chicago: It could be worse!

e_five / April 13, 2005 9:51 AM

"Chicago: Now With 40% More Condos!"


"Inequality is Job One."

davin / April 13, 2005 9:56 AM

'public transit for all!'

vit / April 13, 2005 10:03 AM

Busses? We don't need no stinkin' busses!

(bitter about the demise of her two most commenly used bus routes with the proposed CTA cuts)

Peter / April 13, 2005 10:05 AM

"To Serve and Collect"

Benjy / April 13, 2005 10:11 AM

"If our food doesn't kill you, our sports teams will!"


"Cheezeborger! Cheezeborger!"

jon / April 13, 2005 10:18 AM

"Chicago- you can have any mayor you want, as long as he's a Daley!"

The Chad / April 13, 2005 10:28 AM

I thought the Cubs were the only Baseball team? Where is the other one? Schaumburg Flyers?

Tim / April 13, 2005 10:34 AM

"Chicago is not Chicagoland"


"The City that everyone in the suburbs claim they are from worldwide"

Joey / April 13, 2005 10:36 AM

"Notice of Parking Violation"

Erica / April 13, 2005 11:04 AM

I suppose this is cliche and one that many cities claim, but it does hold true very well in Chicago:

Chicago: City of Neighborhoods

I think a fun exercise would be to give each neighborhood a motto, you know?

Lincoln Park: The L.A. of Chicago, fake boobies and all
Lakeview: Try to find parking on Friday night, we dare you
Logan Square: Watch as we gentrify before your eyes
Uptown: The mental patients won't bite, just look at you funny
Wicker Park: Where art punks and yuppies coexist peacefully
Lincoln Square: Everyone wants to live here for some reason
Avondale: Erica lives here so it gotta rock, son
Downtown: You're f-ing rich and probably pretty boring

red / April 13, 2005 11:10 AM

Welcome to the machine

Kevin / April 13, 2005 11:36 AM

"Chicago - We warm it up before we stick it in!"

Steve / April 13, 2005 11:38 AM

The Chad is to make us giggle.

Erica, great start to the neighborhood mottos, though Lincoln Square's needs an "older than 30" after the "Everyone."

A few more:
Northcenter: Home of the World's Worst Ribfest
Andersonville: Sorry, You're Too Late
Humboldt Park: Your Big Yuppie Dog Will Soon Be Some Pitbull's Snack
Bucktown: Our Borders, They Are Dubious
Edgewater: Nice/Dodgy/Nice
Printer's Row: There Used to be Printers Here

Kevin / April 13, 2005 11:42 AM

"Chicago - Not Chi-Town Ya Dipshit"

"Chicago - Just Like Naperville Except With Rough Neighborhoods, Crime, Dirt, Corruption and TGIFriday's"

Nicole / April 13, 2005 11:51 AM

"Chicago- yes there is something cool in the midwest"

"Chicago- America's most underrated city"

Carlos / April 13, 2005 11:57 AM

Chicago - "There's more to us than the just northside!"

Cinnamon / April 13, 2005 12:10 PM

We got it.

Tim / April 13, 2005 12:21 PM

"Hyde Park: Where Berkeley meets Cambridge"

Emerson Dameron / April 13, 2005 12:27 PM

Uptown: "Formerly Indian Burial Ground"
Pilsen: "Mommy, What's a 'Gringo'?"
Roscoe Village: "Cute"
Chinatown: "Man Who Light Cigarette at Bus Stop Make Many Acquaintences"
Rogers Park: "Fuck the Fair Trade Coffee - Run For Your Life!"
Wicker Park: "Vice Magazine With Strollers"

Ron / April 13, 2005 12:57 PM

Chicago - Where the hell did all these people come from and how the hell can they afford those overpriced crappy condos?

Tim / April 13, 2005 1:04 PM

"Look that the flowers. Just look at them."


"Chicago Lakefront: Lots of Boats Just Sitting at Their Docks, Like Floating Mobile Homes"


"Chicago: Land of 10,000 traffic barriers"

Amy / April 13, 2005 1:05 PM

As I am staying in Old Town with my sistah this week...

Old Town: Yuppie Retirement Community

(I was out at 10 PM and it was a frickin' ghost town)

General slogan:

Chicago: Where the people who really love it can't afford to live.

Erica / April 13, 2005 1:38 PM

Chicago: Second to none, bee-yotch

Kevin / April 13, 2005 1:47 PM

"Chicago - Da Jewels of Da Midwest"

"Chicago - We're Over By Dere"

Cinnamon / April 13, 2005 2:18 PM

eh oh, Emerson

Rogers Park: Where "diversity" isn't a buzz word.

Thurston / April 13, 2005 3:12 PM

Chicago: Public Transportation is Priority Number One Hundred

Dan Hartung / April 13, 2005 3:26 PM

"Build it up. Tear it down."
- Carl Sandburg (I think)

eep / April 13, 2005 3:34 PM

Chicago: The city that works -- if you can get to work, that is.

salty / April 13, 2005 4:02 PM

Chicago: Can't get there from here

(after the CTA's "bluff" to the state fails miserably, and service is cut)

pat / April 13, 2005 4:26 PM

Chicahgo... The city over by the lake.

We have two, tree, four songs titled Chicago. There's only titled New York.

Leelah / April 13, 2005 4:43 PM

I can't even come up with one for the south side, and I live here...

w / April 13, 2005 4:44 PM

"Chicago: Our 4 seasons are winter, winter, winter, and construction"


"Chicago - Midwest feel without the white trash tendencies"

MAtt / April 13, 2005 5:30 PM

"Come visit Chicago, it's a great place!"

Our city is great. Great places to visit, great people, great entertainment, great looking legs. Letgs you ask? It's cause, WE WILL ALL BE WALKING TO EVERY PLACE WE NEED TO GO, CAUSE OUR PUBLIC TRANS GOT TAKEN AWAY!!!

karen / April 13, 2005 6:01 PM

Chicago...making CTA riders "stabby" one customer at a time.

Bill Vaccaro / April 13, 2005 10:42 PM

Ubi est mea, latin for "Where's mine?"

Jennifer / April 14, 2005 6:30 AM

Death to the Lincoln Park Trixies and their fucking dogs too!

Where the cost of a cup of Starbucks coffee plus parking will set you back $24.99.

Jennifer / April 14, 2005 6:50 AM

Edison Park: The last remaining Republican ward. Re-elect Reagan! We're sooooo 1950's and we like it that way. All the real city babes live here.

LeahW / April 14, 2005 8:06 AM

Actually said by a friend of mine this weekend:

Logan Square: there's just enough gang warfare to keep the rents down.

robin.. / April 14, 2005 9:06 AM

Chicago: city of yes


Chicago: it'll break your heart

Tim / April 14, 2005 9:52 AM

Chicago: the city that savors every moment of the four days of Spring, and smiles through the 70 days of humidity that is called Summer, now with Alligator on a stick!

Mike / April 14, 2005 11:33 AM

I've always thought that if you're a midwesterner, you have three choices upon completion of college: go to Chicago, go to Minneapolis, or stick it out in Bumblesticks City and pray you can find a job.

That said, my motto would be: "Chicago! What choice do you have?"

Either that or "The Fat Apple"

Also LeahW: There's not that much gang warfare, it's mostly 14-yr. olds painting pitchforks after they sneak out of their mom's house.

Ron Mexico / April 14, 2005 12:02 PM

"Fuck the doomed"

Erica / April 14, 2005 12:16 PM

I like the Logan Square postings. I lived there for two years and my husband for three. I think there are some very wonderful things about it, like the boulevard system, which is for the most part pretty well restored, albeit you have to be loaded to live in most of those homes. And, of course, it's still one of the least expensive hoods.

I also enjoy the latino/hispanic culture and it's something not many white people get to experience much. Their values and passion for tradition, food, family and friends is something I think really lacks in a lot of white "it's all about me" yuppie culture.

There's also some weirdness, like my street in particular -- Lyndale, nestled between Palmer Square and Logan Square. It's like a third-world country most days, especially in the summer. There is garbage EVERYWHERE and people really don't know how to maintain the very little living space they have. And the kids I watch as I walk home seem kind of sad with nowhere to play. It's complex. There are a lot of social issues.

I went to my one and only C.A.P.S meeting when I first moved there and I gotta say, it was all white women bitching about gang-looking people "hanging out."

Gotta say, though, I've never in all my time there been messed with. People are generally nice. Gangs and dealers don't really care about a white girl. It's funny said women would even feel threatened. Though I totally agree no one should have to live in an environment where shit like gang activity and drug dealing goes on.

here's my LS blog from December:

Angie / April 14, 2005 12:56 PM

Chicago- Land of No Transportation and $13M Giant Silver Legumes.

Mikhail / April 14, 2005 1:12 PM

Chicago- "At least we're not St. Louis"

Chicago- "Get out and enjoy this beautiful weather before...Oops...too late."

Chicago- "Requesting submissions for this cool new magazine we're starting."

Chicago- "We're not trying to be New York, you pretentious fuckers."

Chicago- "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."

Simon Anderson / April 14, 2005 1:38 PM

chicago - "Isn't it obvious we've all given up?"

Joe D. / April 14, 2005 2:08 PM

Almost as much jazz as New Orleans with half the transvestites.


Almost as much comedy as New York with half the transvestites.

Either way, if you like your jazz and comedy with fewer transvestites, Chicago's the place.

Tim / April 14, 2005 2:43 PM

Chicago: Home of everyones favorite transvestite, Joe D.

e_five / April 14, 2005 2:46 PM

Qua Daley Sceptrum.

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