Gapers Block has ceased publication.
Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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TODAY
Thursday, January 23
Fuel
Dave / September 28, 2005 12:58 AM
fiddlesticks!
victoria / September 28, 2005 1:11 AM
Holy balls!
anything with balls. and i know the "funniest word" post was a couple of days ago, but i enjoy the word spelunking. just wanted to throw that out there.
Ron / September 28, 2005 2:14 AM
Tartar sauce
mike / September 28, 2005 2:26 AM
Dufus-
My 9th grade history teacher called me this once when I was trying to change the questions on an exam to fit the answers I wanted---
I believed him and now love, though, never use this word.
jaydee / September 28, 2005 6:53 AM
Somehow, I fell into the habit of blurting "Holy fudoli." Hmmm, I've never spelled it out before... but I do know how to spell expletive.
Sabrosa / September 28, 2005 7:12 AM
"Bitch on a cracker!"
holden / September 28, 2005 7:58 AM
RATS!
seems to be my favorite stand-by
JAKERS!
to express disbelief & surprise
and I second balls, except I use it like, "That show was the freakin' balls!"
Y A J / September 28, 2005 8:01 AM
I've been trying to use crank pants since I saw it here on Fuel a little while ago, but mostly I use stupid head.
The husband likes to say jerk store.
C-Note / September 28, 2005 8:06 AM
It's 'expletive' with an E, people.
Vinny / September 28, 2005 8:18 AM
DICK CHENEY!!!
amyc / September 28, 2005 8:46 AM
Anything beginning with "Jesus H." works for me. I'm especially fond of "Jesus H. Crabshack" these days. Also "Son of a!" in all its unfinished glory.
Leo / September 28, 2005 8:51 AM
Having grown up Catholic (recovering now), I like Marian expletives:
"Sweet Mother of God!"
"Santa Maria!"
"Merciful Mother of our Blessed Lord!"
waleeta / September 28, 2005 8:55 AM
"D'OH!"
"Oh, for the LOVE of _____"
and every time I say something to my friend that either annoys her or makes her laugh, she gives me a straightfaced:
"Friendship Terminated."
Lori / September 28, 2005 9:05 AM
"Mother Scratch!"
kelly / September 28, 2005 9:14 AM
i like jerk store too, but my bf thought i was saying "jerk stork," so it has transformed.
otherwise i like "son of a!" and "scheiße!"
donna / September 28, 2005 9:14 AM
"Mother Hucker!"
j / September 28, 2005 9:25 AM
sufferin' sucotash
Ryan / September 28, 2005 9:27 AM
Barbara Streisand!
Ramsin / September 28, 2005 9:28 AM
See You Next Tuesday is always a good one.
As is numbnuts.
I also like prefacing things with "motherless."
jen / September 28, 2005 9:29 AM
anyone else really enjoy in 40 year old virgin when steve carell yells "kelly clarkson!"? because i think i may have to start using that... you know, like when i stub my toe or touch something in the oven.
kelly, i used to use "son of a..." at my previous job, and everyone always snapped their head over like they thought i was going to say "bitch" but never did. suckas!!!
also, instead of "duh" i'm thinking of bringing back "doyeeeeeeeee", as in "no doyeeee" - anyone with me?
D / September 28, 2005 9:32 AM
Jackhole.
jen / September 28, 2005 9:32 AM
though my workmates all swear like sailors, i like to shake things up a bit during chaotic moments by declaring, "oh, for feng shui!"
jennifer / September 28, 2005 9:33 AM
"well, box my nuts!"
printdude / September 28, 2005 9:39 AM
douchebag - but this is a term of affection I use for my brother
I mainly use "jerkstore" when driving.
snotsicle as an explanation
Sarah / September 28, 2005 9:43 AM
"PANTS to that!" --it's a britishism
robin.. / September 28, 2005 9:43 AM
"oh, bearclaw..."
i also like to call bad drivers "idiot stick" and holler after them "take a good look atcher seeeellllfff!"
anne / September 28, 2005 10:04 AM
Sweet Fancy Moses!
Beth / September 28, 2005 10:06 AM
Stafuddaga-stamudda!
Hard to spell, that one. From my friend Matt in high school. My dad always says "rick-a-frackin-frick" (though us kids always argue over the exact syllables he uses) - it's from an old TV commercial, I guess.
Andrew / September 28, 2005 10:20 AM
It's 'expletive' with an E, people.
Yep, sorry about that. That's what I get for posting after midnight. It's fixed.
emily / September 28, 2005 10:21 AM
i also enjoy the "son of a..."
and...
curses!
mother crud!
mother god!
buttcakes!
Carrie / September 28, 2005 10:30 AM
Beth, my dad always said that "rikka-frakka" thing too! I thought it was from Loony Tunes, one of Yosemite Sam's quotes, maybe??
I've always liked "Hokey Pete!" and one I picked up in the Peace Corps, "sheni deda," which means "your mother" in Georgian. It's actually considered extremely vulgar in Georgia, but I feel pretty safe using it here in Chicago without offending anyone!
waleeta / September 28, 2005 10:39 AM
Does anyone remember:
"Fargging bastages"
"Corksuckers"
"Iceholes.."
You fargging bastages.
Sarah / September 28, 2005 10:40 AM
The gravely underused PHOOEY!
Brandy / September 28, 2005 10:45 AM
Mothertrucker.
A new one, from my friend's mom, "Oh, crumb." It's so sweet and Beatrix Potter-ish.
Muttley / September 28, 2005 10:51 AM
That "frickem-frackum" thing is the angry utterance of Muttley, a minor Hanna-Barbera cartoon character (a shaggy white dog in a trenchcoat) who appeared in Wacky Racers and Laff-A-Lympics. I don't think he talks other than that, though he also has a trademark laugh.
Andy / September 28, 2005 10:58 AM
Growing up, I had an Aunt and Uncle who were a little on the devout religious side. Swearing wasn't allowed in their house, yet absurdly, they let my cousins run around screaming "frack" and "dang" all the time. Apparently substitutions were okay.
sky / September 28, 2005 11:15 AM
Balls. Everything Balls.
My grandpa used to always say "Jesus Christ Tomatoes". Why? no idea, but love it.
Flynn / September 28, 2005 11:38 AM
My mom says "fishfeathers" all the time, which makes me giggle sometimes.
erica / September 28, 2005 11:40 AM
SHUT THE FFFFFFFFFFFF
Front door.
My husband said this really loud for no reason in front of my family and my dad looked like he was about to flip until he realized, he indeed DID NOT say what everyone expected him to say (which was "Shut the fck up!" for those who didn't quite get it). Then we all laughed.
holden / September 28, 2005 12:05 PM
i second jackhole
or jackie.
spiraljetty / September 28, 2005 12:10 PM
F that S!!!!!
As in f*ck that sh*t. Good for when you can't really be vulgar, but also for when something is so stupid, weak, or lame that it's not even worth enunciating the whole expletive.
christian / September 28, 2005 12:50 PM
"SOCK MONKEY" or anything to do with monkeys. I blame all the worlds’ problems on monkeys.
jen*nee / September 28, 2005 12:50 PM
My boss is fond of quoting his boss telling people to "Go pound sand."
Brilliant!
roderick / September 28, 2005 12:54 PM
FUDGE
kerry / September 28, 2005 12:57 PM
Holy Christmas! and Cheese and crackers!
"aw, nuts." is good, too. I'll also cast a vote for "son of a," but I like to end it with "diddly" every now and then.
I also take a tip from my mom who always opted to say "god bless it" rather than "god damn it." I like the sentiment, you know?
Thurston / September 28, 2005 1:03 PM
bollocks
Eamon / September 28, 2005 1:44 PM
Expletives are easy. Pejoratives are hard.
I was once partial to "pantywaist", but the gender-role insinuation has always bugged me, so I've stopped doing that. It's hard finding good curses that don't incur collateral damage. I now use "candy-ass", which works pretty well, but I'm always on the lookout for alternatives.
Lisa / September 28, 2005 2:09 PM
"Holy Farking Schnit!" or
"Rat farts!" (from the priest-hit-by-lightning scene in Caddyshack)
Kevin / September 28, 2005 2:09 PM
I like the one from O Brother, Where Art Thou: "Weepin' Jesus on the cross"
Maureen / September 28, 2005 2:29 PM
I find "monkeys" to be a versatile expletive, like when something goes wrong, you just say "monkeys." And in particularly dire situations, "monkeys, all of them."
other expletives I've heard used by others that I think are good: chode rocket (as yelled by my friend once when trying to find a space in the Ikea parking lot), and Fragonard (used by a Mormon I went to school with who didn't swear). And probably one of the most vulgar ones I've heard was on Strangers With Candy, when Jerri Blank calls her brother "a stupid blood fart." Gross.
eep / September 28, 2005 2:54 PM
"Poop!" and "Son of a poop!" are two of my favorites. I also say "frickin' frack" quite often, as well as the oh so repetitive "crappity crap-crap crap!"
I have a friend who's very devout and won't swear, so she always spells out the word "ass" as "a**." Once instead of the word "asshat" (a personal favorite), it morphed into "asteriskhat" on her behalf. Ever since then I've enjoyed turning the word "ass" into "asterisk." Especially while driving. "JACKASTERISK!" It's fun to say.
Steve / September 28, 2005 2:57 PM
I like "Frak" -- first heard it on the original Battlestar Galactic back in the '70s. The excellent new version of the who uses it as well -- nice to get away with dropping f-bombs.
I think "d'oh!" works as well, though it's from some other geek show. I like "Fiddlesticks" as well.
And, lately, "Everett!" and "Duque!".
Steve / September 28, 2005 2:58 PM
um, "who" = "show" in the second line of my post above
Susana / September 28, 2005 2:59 PM
ZOIKS!
and
YIPES!
like Shaggy used to say in the Scooby Doo show
steven / September 28, 2005 3:11 PM
I just saw Johnny Dangerously last night so my new fave is "Firgin Icehole!".
Otherwise I'm a "God Dammit!" type of guy.
kt / September 28, 2005 3:12 PM
"barnacles!"
steven / September 28, 2005 3:15 PM
I should have read a bit before posting...Waleeta beat me to it.
Meomyo / September 28, 2005 3:50 PM
I often say, "Ooo Fa!" with an Italian accent.
Like: "Ooo Fa! Look at the gams on that broad."
nicholas / September 28, 2005 4:10 PM
jeez of nazareth!
jiminey christmas!
crime in italy!
Kate / September 28, 2005 4:12 PM
My favorites now that I teach college undergraduates: "Oh, HONESTLY!"
and
"I ask you."
One of my friends in college used to do the Yosemite Sam swearing but for her it came out as "rabble frazzin" rather than "ritzen fritzen." I got her a rubber stamp that said "rabble frazzin" so she could stamp it all over.
Maureen / September 28, 2005 4:47 PM
I find my self saying "Holy Mackerel" quite often, which makes me sound like Father Mulcahey, but oh well.
I also like "Man, oh Maniciewicz." It's a favorite of my Dad's.
Amy / September 28, 2005 4:49 PM
Farfignoogan
Jiminy Christmas
And I didn't know anyone else said Mothertrucker. I have a good frined who always says that.
And my favorite/funniest word is snickelfritz (my grandpa's nickname for me)
Moon / September 28, 2005 4:55 PM
Question courtesy of Jennifer. Thanks!
Mine would be "holy schmidt!"
Or the full version: Holy Flurking Schmidt!
JOhhny Guitar Watson / September 28, 2005 4:56 PM
A Real Motha Fo Ya
Joel / September 28, 2005 6:36 PM
Ah...Schlitz!
VinceJose / September 29, 2005 7:36 AM
I like the all purpose "heck".
Used best when following a few really nasty words like "F---! This S--- is hot as heck!"
I also want to throw out the Galactica love...let's go frack some toasters.
Greg Sorenson / September 29, 2005 7:36 AM
I like "Motherfather" and "Chinese Dentist." Both are from a Mr. Show episode involving an edited version of Goodfellas.
I also like "Holy jumping mother of God in a sidecar with chocolate jimmies and a lobster bib!"
Carrie / September 29, 2005 9:00 AM
When I was a substitute teacher, my kids were "boogers" or "buggers." But I've gotten in trouble with the second one across the pond. I was sitting in a nice teahouse w/ 2 Scottish friends and I said, "I didn't get any milk. Those buggers!" Needless to say, they looked in me in shock. I had forgotten that the origin, buggery, is very much still part of the meaning there!
Pete / September 29, 2005 9:14 AM
Odds my bodkins!
Jeigh / September 29, 2005 10:00 AM
Shiite!
Poo!
Doggone it!
Fart!
Frick!
Monkey Poopey!
Crapola!
Balls!
(used in rotation)
Toni / September 29, 2005 10:12 AM
Two of my faves in Spanish are:
Bolas!
Chi-nitas!
In English:
Nertz!
Fudge!
Holy cheese!
Doh!
JesusMaryandJoseph!
Andrew / September 29, 2005 10:16 AM
Baby on a stick!
MikeH / September 29, 2005 10:37 AM
Christ on a bike!
Roni / September 29, 2005 10:58 AM
I can't think of mine...
Ella says "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!"
The hubby says "Mother of Macaulay Culkin!"
printdude / September 29, 2005 11:07 AM
A few years back, we were driving around and came to the realization that Parish names make great Swears.
HOLY REDEEMER!
SAINT STANISCLAUS!
MOTHER McCAULEY!
Go ahead, now you try it!
jima / September 29, 2005 11:11 AM
Thanks to the House Theatre's production of "Tremors: Edited For Television", I now prefer to say "Oh, soup noodle!"
matt / September 29, 2005 11:24 AM
My British friend has turned me on to "bullocks". I like it cause I can use it at will around most people and they have no idea what it means. Same language, different culture...does that allow me to use it similar to "bloody" without the same stigma?
Moon / September 29, 2005 12:43 PM
Has "Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick" been said yet?
Moon / September 29, 2005 12:46 PM
Can we use phrases???
"Balls, said the Queen. If had 2, I'd be King!"
"Get off the table, Mabel! Those 2 bucks are for beer!"
AF / September 29, 2005 1:42 PM
Good. Gravy. (dead pan)
Sonja / October 5, 2005 1:55 PM
Schyza-Minnelli!!
BSL / October 10, 2005 11:29 AM
I like "Sweet Jesus!" Or "How do you say that in french? Oh yes, 'Beech.'"
ltc / January 20, 2006 9:15 AM
I like to say," Oh, go to ....church!"
But, my favorites are:
Holy Guacomole!
Shitake mushrooms!
Great Caesar's Ghost!
Chris Randall / July 6, 2007 1:22 AM
My mother used to say "Oh twiddle dee dee bumble bee" when she was frustrated with something,
which I have always loved
Chris Randall / July 6, 2007 1:46 AM
How about:
Gadzukes,
egads
or Well I'll be a blue nosed
gopher.
aj / October 28, 2008 1:13 PM
I just ran across this and had to contribute. I often use
Mother of Pearl!
Crime in Italy!
Crapola!
What the f?!
What comes to mind also is my dad's ever-popular
Farfinpoopin!
steph / May 19, 2009 4:44 PM
I know I'm very late to the party on this post, but I have to share. When my daughter started repeating us, we learned to put an "R" in the middle of our curse words, which became: Fork, Shirt, etc. which then evolved into "what a cluster fork!" and "sheep shirts!" and the like.
Although I do like the ones from Johnny Dangerously and use those often too.
Mary / June 11, 2009 6:16 AM
One I heard on the greatest radio station of all time (93.3 WMMR in Philadelphia) on the Preston & Steve show was "Douche Nozzle." My husband and I can't stop using that term, especially in connection with prominent republican has-beens and pundits.
dan / December 16, 2010 8:57 PM
by my beard is great.
Lenah / February 15, 2013 5:41 PM
Shnikes
Fudgesicles
Diane / August 2, 2013 12:21 AM
Gee Whiz! This has been helpful. May the Saints preserve us!
Not my favorite, but you missed -- Kiss my grits! from the Carole Burnett Show.
Supercalafragalisticexbealadocious is wiki defined as silliness
which is what a clean expletive is.
Also... Dag nab it! I'm an idiot, Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Take away my charge card and gag me with a spoon!
Ah, Fuzz Bucket! and Fraggle Rock! works as well as
Onomatapia, wouldn't wanna be ya, Bro!
Thanks for the Snicklefritz! Fish feathers! and Go pound sand!
Diane / August 2, 2013 12:29 AM
Oh! Horse Hockey!!! Okay, I'm done. :-)
Kelly / September 5, 2013 11:40 AM
I've recently begun using "poopysticks"
e.g., "oh, poopysticks!"
Since we have 2 teens & a toddler, I have taught the teens to use "carp" instead of "crap" (which I think is crude, anyway).
Instead of "sucks", my 14yo says "vacuums" while my 15yo took it a bit further and says "inhales profusely" LOL
Michael / November 17, 2013 10:36 AM
"Oh Fat Rats!"- Holly from Land of the Lost; and now my 4-year-old, Ivy.
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Andrew / September 28, 2005 12:03 AM
Question courtesy of Jennifer. Thanks!
Mine would be "holy schmidt!"