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Andrew Huff / September 19, 2011 12:29 PM

Question suggested by Mary S. Got a good one for Fuel? Send it to inbox@gapersblock.com.


Most awkward would be the wedding of friends whose priest went off the deep end on tradition, forcing them to do a full mass, three readings and a sermon in addition to the usual stuff, gave anyone not receiving communion a guilt trip for being heathens, and then blamed the length and severity on the bride. She was nearly in tears afterward, but we all helped cheer her up by making jokes about the nutjob.

Baldeesh / September 19, 2011 1:17 PM

Most fun - Orthodox Jewish Wedding. Those guys know how to PARTY. Costumes, firebreathing, the couple up on chairs, the whole nine yards.

Most interesting - it's a tie between a deaf wedding, where everything was in ASL, and a Mennonite wedding.

The deaf wedding had a raised dance floor, so the vibrations could be felt, and there was a lot of bass-y music.

At the Mennonite wedding, 7 of us played a game of Uno, and I had a lot of fun. If you get a chance to play Uno with a bunch of shit-talkers, DO IT.

Most awkward - that award goes to my first wedding ever.

I was 15, painfully shy, and invited to this wedding by a friend.

I borrowed a dress and heels from a friend's mother. The dress was pretty restrictive - it was a floor-length column dress, so I could only take short steps. And also could barely walk in heels.

Get to the wedding, find out it's a FULL CATHOLIC MASS. Complete with repeated kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting, etc.

There was just no graceful way to change positions every 5-10 minutes, no matter how hard I tried. But at least I didn't accidentally show off my underwear.

vise77 / September 19, 2011 1:52 PM

Most awkward: My first wedding, which I knew was a mistake but which I lacked the courage to call off. My partner was such a nice person, after all.

Most fun/interesting/etc: My second wedding, not quite two years ago, to the perfect person for me. Still seems like everything is so new and good.

R / September 19, 2011 5:30 PM

I got a GREAT one.

About 8 yrs ago, three friends of mine from college called to ask if they could stay at my place while in town for a wedding of a friend--I'll call her Sarah. I wasn't really friends with Sarah but the three of them were, and they wanted to be there for her. Because I had the car, I was going as their collective guest.

Looking at the invite, I thought it read a bit strange. "Come celebrate the wedding of Sarah and Matt at 4pm." I've always seen invites spell out the actual start times of the ceremony and reception; this seemed weird but I let it go.

The event took place in her family's backyard in a far suburb. We got there about 15 mins after the event was scheduled to start. As we quickly raced over to the backyard, hoping our lateness would not be noticed, my friends were in for a tacky, horrible surprise--she had gotten married something like 4 hours earlier, had already served lunch and cake (most of her guests had left) and we were only invited to the last half of the reception. I wasn't upset, as I lived nearby, but my three friends had flown in from different sides of the country, and by that time, the party was over (the bride and groom disappeared for an hour to open gift checks to make sure they had $ for their honeymoon). There was no food left, save for some cheap crudite platters from Jewel, a plate of Maurice Lenell cookies, and two-liters of soda and beer (they actually put a tip jar next to the self-serve drinks, can you believe?).
We stayed for a few hours out of courtesy but it was obvious that Sarah was no longer in their good graces. I lost a great deal of respect for her that day, too.

fluffy / September 19, 2011 7:05 PM

crappiest: the wedding was in a small church in a small town in Texas in the summer, and the reception was in the church's basement rec room. ugh. Gross food that reminded me of elementary school. Yet they expect nice gifts.
*
worst: My ex was a social butterfly and would tend to forget about me in social situations. At this wedding, where I was his date (well, I was his wife) he ignored me and when it was time to eat I found him already sitting down with folks, and he hadn't saved a place for me to sit down. I ate with the children downstairs. Then, when it was time to leave, he got a ride and left without me. This was in Boston and we were from Texas and I didn't know anyone.
*
I used to think my wedding was the funnest- and it was, for all the guests. Outdoors, casual, not religious, good jazz band, delicious food, open bar, party at a big house afterwards with a drum circle and a bonfire, musicians jamming, people dancing.
*
Everyone thinks their own wedding was the best. Weddings make me nervous now. Never again.

eee / September 20, 2011 11:52 AM

The most awkward had to be the reception that happened next door to mine. The building had two halls; our reception was in the smaller hall and to get to it you had to pass by the entrance of the larger hall. A photo of that bride and groom was on display next to the placecards, and later we saw her (in a really slutty wedding gown) taking photos on the stairwell.

Cue a few hours later, when my brother-in-law had to change his infant son's diaper. He used our bridal suite upstairs as it was private and quiet. When he came back he informed us that in the middle of the diaper change, the door opened and the other bride appeared in our suite. According to him, she was three sheets to the wind and had a guy in a tux trailing behind her. My brother-in-law informed her (three times) that she was in the wrong room, and her suite was next door. They retreated to her suite at which point he heard through the wall the sounds of loud, vigorous sex. When he came back to the reception, he passed by the other newlywed couple's photo and realized the guy that he just saw with the bride was not the groom. She cheated on him at their reception with one of his groomsmen. To this day, I wonder if they're still together, or if the guy knows this happened.

mary s. / September 21, 2011 8:30 AM

wow these are some awkward stories. i recently went on a boat ride at Burnham Harbor and found out the ride after ours was a private event. when asked what for, the crewman replied "pirate wedding". he was not joking. i wish i could go to one.

my cousin had a fun wedding recently in which we walked with a 4-piece band from the ceremony, past a sculpture garden, to the reception (which was on the other side of a major highway and we crossed over a bridge -- we got honked at a lot).

JohnnyQ / September 21, 2011 9:51 AM

Hippie wedding in rural WA state this past weekend. The ceremony was held on a river beach. There was a bear eating berries about 100 yards away during the actual ceremony. For realsy.

Hal Shipman / September 22, 2011 8:14 AM

There's a longer version of this story, but I once tried to get a guest's husband kicked out of the reception, believing he was a crasher from the convention in the next ballroom. I had checked with the bride first to make sure he was an interloper (he was the only one in jeans) and she said very clearly (with venom dripping), "He wasn't invited." So, I called Security.

Turns out what she really meant was she had invited her co-worker on the condition that she not bring her abusive husband (i.e. jeans guy). Oops.

All the women at the event heard what I did and came up to me and thanked me for shaming him, but I'm pretty sure what ended up happening was the wife just got the shit beat out of her that night.

Anon / September 25, 2011 7:23 PM

Younger brother's wedding. He wasn't speaking to me (story of our lives, it turns out) because when he called to say GF was pregnant, they were getting married I asked if he'd seen the test results. Anyway, small ceremony presided over by someone I knew vaguely--I'm pretty sure everyone there heard my father "whisper" to my mother that this couldn't be legal, that's a woman up there presiding (UU, we were raised Baptist). Some dork play the theme to "Masterpiece Theater" on the flute as a processional. Mom cried.

Two weeks later, woops, there's no pregnancy after all, but she still wasn't going to work, so Brother worked and went to school. The divorce came two years later.

However, she did manage to get pregnant during their separation, put Brother's name on the birth certificate and sued for child support. I lent him money for a lawyer, she dropped the case, I don't know what happened about the birth certificate. I've never mentioned it again, and still he goes years w/o speaking to me. I think he's still mad because I was right.

Andy / September 26, 2011 1:02 PM

Let's call this one "interesting": it was an outdoor wedding under a tent in the middle of nowhere Indiana. It was 90+ degrees that day and I was wearing a tux. The tent did not have a floor and the nearby house (owned by the Bride's parents-- we were essentially in their backyard) was not large enough to fit all the guests in an emergency.

Needless to say it rained, and rained quite dramatically-- a booming thunderclap and sudden monsoon immediately following the announcement that they were husband and wife (I'm not making that up-- it was like something out of a movie). We all huddled under the tent trying not to get too wet, until finally it slowed down enough that the caterers were able to set up the food.

And that's when the mosquitoes showed up.

Mike / September 26, 2011 4:23 PM

These have been depressing. I'll just say that the older I've gotten, the more friends have gone from the "This Is What I'm supposed To Do" traditional weddings to more unique "I'm Older And Know Better Than To Fall For The Bullshit From The Wedding Industrial Complex" weddings. And they're usually fun!

My 24-year-old cousin got married last year and they must have spent $40,000. There was a photography CREW of four guys essentially directing the entire thing. It was all choreographed. Next weekend my 40-year-old friend from college is getting married (his second) in a state park and the reception's going to be a barbecue. He warned me, "don't dress fancy." Awesome.

LaShawn Williams / October 12, 2011 2:59 PM

Interesting: Bride was 8 mos. pregnant--needless to say, she was HUGE. Because she was in this late stage of her pregnancy, her feet were swollen--which meant she couldn't wear heels/pumps--instead, she opted for big, fuzzy cartoon character slippers. And yes, she wore white. :-/

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