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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Monday, March 4

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Andrew / June 20, 2005 10:34 AM

Many of us have seen piles of poop, rivulets of urine, but what else have you seen?

It's not necessarily gross, but shortly after the anthrax scare back in 2000, I was in an El car that was dusted with a fine white powder. Panic struck for a little while until I realized that it was eminating from what appeared to have been a pound bag of granulated sugar in the corner.

Cinnamon / June 20, 2005 10:37 AM

A couple of years ago I was coming home from Midway on the Orange line. A couple of guys who used to live here but were now living elsewhere got on the train and were talking nostalgically about Chicago. I sat reading my book and occasionally eavesdropping. One of the guys said, "It always amazes me how this city smells like sausage. Everywhere you go it smells like sausage."

A little while later he shifted in his seat, crossed his right foot over his left knee and one of his friends began to laugh and said, "I know why it smells like sausage on here. Cause you were standing in what used to be a sausage." I look up and see the entire bottom of his shoe is covered in slimy, orange poo.

This is how I learned to never just step on a piece of newspaper while on the train. You have no idea what is underneath it.

flowfeel / June 20, 2005 10:50 AM

Boston Red Sox fans!

brian / June 20, 2005 11:07 AM

I once saw a guy urinte on the train. It was the longest time btwn stops that I know of, between Harlem and Jefferson Park.

Slats / June 20, 2005 11:13 AM

I once saw a fella shooting up on the train. Good fun.

Michael / June 20, 2005 11:15 AM

On more than one occasion, I've been unfortunate enough to witness "Crazy Mary" picking her open sores and scabs, and then wiping her fingers on the handrails.

Mo / June 20, 2005 11:24 AM

I was on the red line heading south on my way to class, sitting in an aisle-facing seat nearest the glass partition next to a door. I was wearing headphones, listening to very loud music, but even over the music, I heard a muted scratching noise. I looked to my left to see the man standing up against the glass scratching his bare ass (pants hanging about butthole level). Then the train jolted, and he fell against the glass, and his naked, hairy ass squished through the open space in the partition like a playdough fun factory. His crack was about 2 inches from my nose.

Marc / June 20, 2005 11:55 AM

Brown line heading South: seated homeless guy takes his shoe off on a relatively crowded train. Picks at scabs, scratches at pus between toes, wipes on seat and rail.

We should find him and hook him up with this 'Crazy Mary' - sounds like they might be soulmates.

Marc / June 20, 2005 11:57 AM

Purple line Northbound: Lincoln Park frat guy clipping his fingernails and letting the clippings drop to the floor of the train. Huge personal pet peeve.

Strawberry / June 20, 2005 12:08 PM

I was riding the Red Line after a Cubs game, and a guy in an expensive suit hurled all over himself and some innocent bystanders. Repeatedly.

steven / June 20, 2005 12:27 PM

I should've known better than to read this page during lunch...

salty / June 20, 2005 12:42 PM

I was about to catch a northbound Red Line downtown. As the train was wizzing by the platform to stop, I noticed one of the cars was more empty than the others, so I got on that one...

Turns out a woman had just vomited all over. I mean all over -- on a seat, up the aisle, and she had gotten off a stop before. People were still talking about it. Unfortunately I figured this out after the doors had closed.

Why there were still people in the car I'll never guess. Did they enjoy the smell? When the train stopped at the next station, I beelined for the next car back.

Kevin / June 20, 2005 12:57 PM

A guy in a business suit talking on a cell phone. He smelled of the latest cologne, wore the latest fashionable jewlery and was finely coiffed.

Naz / June 20, 2005 12:57 PM

A few things:

1) On numerous occasions - piss or soda in the seats. A friend once sat on a seat (with pee) without looking and noticed after a while, that creeping oh so wet feeling. He was pissed.

2) A tall guy with a long t-shirt and baggy jeans in one corner trying to act like nothing was going on while he was jacking off in his baggy jeans while his oversized t-shirt covered it. Unfortunately, he got a little excited and got off at Addison when my roommate noticed it. This was during morning rush hour mind you.

3) Never saw this but it happened to my good friends: they were on a train home late one night and a girl had puked a few times in the aisle while they were in the side seats by the doors. The vomit starts to collect and roll up and down in the aisle in the "ribs" of the floor and because it was sort of crowded they had to stay where they were and keep lifting their feet up and down when the puke neared them or passed.

Thurston / June 20, 2005 1:01 PM

Fortunately, I haven't witnessed a lot of truly disgusting behavior on public transportation. However, once during a northbound ride on the blue line, I observed what appeared to be a female O'Hare employee tearing long strands from a white plastic bag and using them to floss, then discarding the bloodied plastic slivers on the floor.

Jake / June 20, 2005 1:07 PM

On the red line somewhere between Berwyn and Belmont, I saw a guy clipping his toenails.

Veronica #2 / June 20, 2005 1:09 PM

A few weeks ago I was on the broadway bus (#36) and this homeless dude whos always around the neighborhood gets on with a giant plastic trash sack that was literally overflowing and looked like it weighed like 50 lbs. The bus was super crowded. He goes up to an empty seat between two girl and proceeds to hoist the giant bag into the seat. Of course it doesnt fit really and he rips a hole in it and trash juice and such starts oozing out all over this like 15 year old latina girl in white pants in the seat next to him. She then lays into him cussing and screaming. I just felt bad for the guy really.

This still doesnt beat the time some guy late at night whipped it out at me and proceeded to get off while staring me down on the DC metro.

frank / June 20, 2005 1:13 PM

Two women french kissing repeatedly. sound hot? not. One of them was about 18 years old the other one well in her 40s . The young woman was either drunk, hi or retarted. The older woman was sober and held the young on her lap keeping her from falling.

Paula / June 20, 2005 1:15 PM

I once sat behind a youngish couple and the woman was popping pimples on her boyfriend's shoulders. Needless to say I moved as soon as possible.

Marc / June 20, 2005 1:20 PM

A few years ago as the Pride Parade was beginning to peter out, I was walking down the alley that runs parallel to Belmont on the South. Ahead, I/we could see the Belmont L stop and also saw a rather large woman pulling her stained white stretch pants down around her ankles. She then proceeded to squat on the platform and relieve her bladder. People on the platform moved far away from her, people in the alley howled with laughter.

Horrible stuff.

Erica / June 20, 2005 1:26 PM


Hey, I need to reach out to savvy Chicago people for a sec (that's YOU). I've lived here all my life and I there are more than a few things I still don't get -- maybe you can help me w/two in particular. E-mail me off of Fuel if you have insight to these two things:
1. What's that chocolate-y smell that hovers over the city sometimes? Is it from a chocolate factory or someting?
2. There's this gray-haired guy I see often on E. Wacker walking around. He's always in a funky-ass bright colored or patterend suits with bad brown leather shoes. Anyone know who he is?

Many thanks ...
Now get back to being gross.

eep / June 20, 2005 1:29 PM

I am never touching anything on the train again. Ever. And I'm also going to get antibacterial wipes in case I ever have to touch anything on the train agian. EWWW!

chrissy / June 20, 2005 1:55 PM

just this morning...boy reading law textbook sitting next to me and picking his nose repeatedly. even after i gave a couple of pointed stares. disGUSTing.

Andrew / June 20, 2005 2:05 PM

1. What's that chocolate-y smell that hovers over the city sometimes? Is it from a chocolate factory or someting?

Blommer Chocolate Company.

kerry / June 20, 2005 2:09 PM

A few months back a guy on my red line train southbound from howard was openly urinating on the door to the next car between Jarvis and Morse. It was a copious amount of urine and the smell made breathing difficult. Luckily Morse was my stop, and I noted a number of people booking to the next car when I got off.
Also, when I was about 13 I sat down in one of the aisle-facing seats on a red line train outbound from the loop, and a friend sat across from me, next to some generic guy. At some point the generic guy stuck his hand in his pants and proceeded to beat off vigorously. My friend was mortified. I thought it was hilarious.

sgoodwine / June 20, 2005 2:11 PM

A couple months ago I sat down in a seat and realized seconds later that I had just stepped in a gargantuan pile of puke.

Some older, drunk folks got on the train and I noticed that one of them had a nice big poop stain on the back of his khaki shorts.

Leelah / June 20, 2005 2:13 PM

About ten years ago, I passed out on the el during rush hour. (No, I was not drunk). I'll bet that was gross. I'm not really sure because I was unconscious. Of course, now I'm grossed out thinking about what I was lying on when I was on the ground....

HV / June 20, 2005 2:15 PM

Blommer's is on Hubbard and Halsted, close enough to the Loop that we all get that familiar pleasant scent from time to time.

mark / June 20, 2005 2:23 PM

BSF (brown line serial flatulator), i was on the brown line one morning between belmont and the loop...and someone had a problem...the funny part was after they let the second one fly a couple of women near me were complaining with one announcing she didnt know who it was but that she could tell it was the same some kind of animal

Roni / June 20, 2005 2:25 PM

1. What's that chocolate-y smell that hovers over the city sometimes? Is it from a chocolate factory or someting?

My version of Prozac. There are days when that smell is the only thing keeping me sane & happy.

Naz / June 20, 2005 2:26 PM

Erica -

Are you referring to The Walking Dude?

On topic - this is also a good reason why I bike everywhere and take the el maybe once every three to six months.

m / June 20, 2005 2:51 PM

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend and I were going south from Irving Park to North Avenue on the Western bus. A woman with bloody bloody feet and plastic sandals was sitting in front of us. And picking at one of her bloody toes. I don't know why or how it happened, but it looked pretty fresh. She got off at North Avenue when we did and walked off nonchalantly.

andrea / June 20, 2005 3:31 PM

I got on the red line at Howard one morning and sat in one of the solo inward-facing seats at the end of the car. Promptly fell into el-riding half-sleep. I got up at Jackson to switch to the blue line and suddenly realized that I had that creeping damp feeling. I looked down and discovered that the seat was covered in vomit. And I had been sitting in said vomit for forty minutes without realizing it. Because it was 7:30 in the morning and I'm an idiot. The puke ruined my favorite jacket and seeped through my pants, forcing me to go home early so I could shower. And throw out my underwear. *shudder*

I have a friend who almost sat in blood but was warned away at the last minute. I've now gotten into the habit of feeling the seat before I sit. Hands are easily washable in ways that clothes are not.

Mo / June 20, 2005 3:38 PM

People always give me weird looks when I get on the train or bus and spend a few seconds closely inspecting seats before I sit down. I bet I don't seem so crazy now...

I just remembered another time, this isn't quite so gross as just really strange. I was watching the floor because some liquid was rolling toward me, and a man was pacing in front of the door, and he had a chicken wing stuck on his shoe. How do you not notice a chicken wing on your foot?

Suzanne / June 20, 2005 3:43 PM

I've seen a guy shooting up(more distrubing than gross),waves of sloshing vomit, piss, and odd blood-like stains on the seats (I'm really hoping it was just chocolate) but what gets me gagging every time are the nose pickers and flickers. The worst ever offender was standing behind me flicking his nose treasures a mere feet away from me and everyone else in the area.

emdub / June 20, 2005 3:49 PM

Guy on Blue line wearing silky red shorts, pleasuring himself through them dreamily...

Guy on Clark bus humping his laundry bag on his lap while staring at women...

Obvious prostitute on Blue line kind of staggering and dropping a torn lunchbag full of porn videos, one with a title with the words "Tit-banging.."

Erika-- I've seen the guy you are talking about-- it's not the Walking Dude (he is a whole other phenom)... This guy with the crazy suits also stands on the Wells street bridge and waves at the boats around 5:30 or so. One of his eyes is kind of messed up.

My co-workers and I figure he's crazy and rich, lives in Marina Towers and gets his suits custom-made. I really have no idea, but the other day he accesorized with a huge gold chain with a dollar sign on it. Anyone else have a clue?

Sky / June 20, 2005 4:22 PM

I have also seen colored suit man.....he was wearing a bright purple one on the clark or dearborn bridge just last offense but I always thought that he was "special" the head....

Tina / June 20, 2005 4:34 PM

Well, I didn't "see" it, but this past Saturday night, while making the trek from the Blue Line to transfer onto the Red at Jackson, a "gentleman" came up to me and told me how he'd love to pee on me. I am hoping he wasn't trying to use that as a pick up line!! ugh.....Walking in that tunnel felt endless after hearing that comment!

ADL / June 20, 2005 4:42 PM

Hey Erica and emdub. One more thing about the forty five-ish looking guy with the crazy suits. When he is not waving at the boats and spinning around hands raise as if under arrest. His attentions is directed to pedestrians crossing the bridge to which he waves and says hi. At first I thought this was kind of sweet but I crossed this bridge almost every day during my two year stint at the now demolished Sun-Times building. On a few occasions I failed to say hi back and as I passed he was cursing me under his breath with full blown obscenities. If any one does know his story I would like to know my self. I just saw him last week and I have never seen him wear the same outfit twice.

Lori / June 20, 2005 4:52 PM

I was just thinking of this the other day, oddly, it's something that pops into my head from time to time. I was on the Metra Train, probably about 10 years ago, maybe going to Ravinia... and there was a man dressed entirely in white, very flash, patent shoes and the whole works. Looked like he was going to church.

He reaches into his mouth and fiddles around between tooth and gum for a minute, and then pulls out this white....gob, of something. He studied it carefully, then he wiped it on his white handkerchief. All I could think of was how bad his breath must have been.

Also, once I was riding the bus downtown and we were in a huge traffic jam. I started getting sort of panicky and claustrophobic from it. There was a guy across the isle who was clearly a Turret's sufferer, and his affliction caused him to repeatedly dry heave/gag/silent scream. It went on and on, but no one elso on the bus seemed to even notice. I had to get off and walk.

waleeta / June 20, 2005 4:55 PM

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW! Everyone stop PLEASE! I am never leaving my apartment again.

e_five / June 20, 2005 5:31 PM

I rode a 152 Addison bus going west several years ago (probably '88 or so). After sitting near the rear of the bus for a few minutes, I noticed one cockroach, then another, then another, and as I was getting up to move to the front of the bus, I saw several more scurrying along the floor.


Huckle Cat / June 20, 2005 5:37 PM

Red Line, 3am: A guy unconscious and bleeding out of the back of his head... the conductor had to stop the train and call an ambulance. Hope he was ok...

Michael / June 20, 2005 7:13 PM

Well, that settles it. I won't be riding the Chicago CTA anymore without first slipping into my body condom.

Maggie / June 20, 2005 8:40 PM

I, too, saw the guy humping the laundry bag once on the 151! And he was staring at me! I had to shower afterwards I felt so nasty.

My other gross public transportation story was actually on the DC Metro. A woman was shaving her legs.

Rebecca / June 20, 2005 8:43 PM

6 years ago I took my first L ride while looking at colleges... within 30 seconds of stepping into a redline car a man vomitted on my feet. That's when I knew I needed to go to school in Chicago.

And maybe this is just cause I do the vegan thing, but damn, chicken bones. Chicken bones on the car floors... eeewwww

Rhone / June 20, 2005 9:30 PM

I used to pass that same guy on the state street bridge with the colorful suits as I made my way home. He'd be out there as early as 5pm, as I was leaving from work at the late Sun Times building. After several weeks of seeing this and ignoring him, i waved back - however i guess I surprised him more, cause he turned around and made a beeline for firm ground.
Guess I'm the scary one.

mark / June 20, 2005 10:05 PM

my friend had a big black guy point his penis at her and play with it while looking at her.

the most noxious smells i have ever come in contact with are on the red line on the first few cars late at night

i've also seen the colored suit guy on the state street bridge.

also the guy in the red hoodie shuffels down the street endlessly

mark / June 20, 2005 10:05 PM

my friend had a big black guy point his penis at her and play with it while looking at her.

the most noxious smells i have ever come in contact with are on the red line on the first few cars late at night

i've also seen the colored suit guy on the state street bridge.

also the guy in the red hoodie shuffels down the street endlessly

Michael / June 20, 2005 11:01 PM

The absolute worst is catching the Red Line in the dead of winter on a Monday morning. As you step through the doors and the malodor of the weekend's fresh urine hits you in the face like a brick, you quickly realize that you've lost this round of CTA roulette. As the train's heaters have only served to intensify this piss potpourri, you're not even able to fully appreciate the magnificence of this stench until the doors have shut safely behind you and the train lurches onward. You wonder how these Stepford commuters can just sit back and stare blankly ahead, breathing in this foul air, as if the very essence of wino whiz isn't wafting all about them. It's all you can do but to gag and breathe into your coat until you can jump off at the next stop and make a mad dash for the next car before the conductor slams the doors in your face. Not a good start to the work week for you...or for anybody.

Dee / June 21, 2005 1:24 AM

I was just coming back from a trip to Denver, taking the Orange line north from Midway. This guy was staring at me and had his hands in his pants.

The worst part, though, was that he had his 6-year-old son with him. "What are you doing, daddy?" the tyke asked. And then guy proceeded to push his son's head away from the "action" and almost into the side of the car itself. That skeeved me more than the public jacking.

Jane Lee / June 21, 2005 8:42 AM

Okay, so far we have pee, poo, puke, scabs, masturbating, PUKING on someone, PEEING on someone....blah!

Last winter my husband and I were on our way home from the Loop during a snowstorm - we were on the red line. The next thing we know we were stopped - for 1 1/2 hours!

My husband (while mostly otherwise very discrete) shouted, "It smells like shit in here!" The man seated in front of us, who obviously shit his pants, turned to give us a very dirty look and proceeded to move to the other side of the car. After that we only had to endure the smell for another hour. Blah.

Paula / June 21, 2005 8:56 AM

After reading all these comments I have to scratch my head and wonder who it was at the CTA who thought that changing the seats from hard molded plastic (easy to clean) seats to the fuzzy flocked seats (hides stuff until you sit in it) that we have now would be a good idea.

Carrie / June 21, 2005 10:29 AM

I've seen a guy clipping his nails. I gave him a "you're so gross" look and he said to me "what are you looking at?" and I told him he needs to do that stuff at home because it's gross. He was of course letting the nails fall to the floor.

I've seen a few men masturbating.

And then there's always the sunflower seed eaters who spit the shells (shells, right?) all over the floor. I hate that. I mean really, do they spit them out at home? or at their grandma's? probably not.

Cinnamon / June 21, 2005 10:53 AM

I was also taking the red line to downtown during a weekday afternoon. In the seat behind me was a very well dress white woman near the window and then an African man with small straight scars all over his face and arms and hands sat beside her and directly behind me. After a stop or two I heard the woman gasp and then say, "Let me out. Let me out. That's gross." I assumed he' was doing something sexual so I turn around and realize he has a razor blade in his hand, has his eyes clothes, is muttering under his breath and slowly making shallow cuts to the underside of his arm and letting the blood flow to disgusting towel on his lap.

He eventually came out of his trance and the woman barreled past him and he kept repeating to her, "This is necessary for my religion. You don't understand. You want to take away my religion?" He followed her to the door, blood still dripping down his arm, berating her and she just squished herself into the doors and when the train came to the next stop she jumped out the doors and ran away from him. Thankfully he was too slow to get back on the same train.

Lori / June 21, 2005 11:01 AM

I am just wondering if any of these incidents caused anyone to call the police, or at least tell a conductor... and if so, was there any response? Especially the incident with the man jerking off in front of his kid...that goes beyond gross.

Kelly / June 21, 2005 11:41 AM

First I must say, this is one of the most disgusting things I have EVER read. Here some other great benefits of being a CTA rider:
- Grease hair smudges all over the windows. Sometimes it is so thick, one cannot even see clearly through the window. (Side note: why would anyone want to let their head/hair touch a dirty window, eewww!)
One early, weekday morning on the very quiet #65 bus, I hear a very loud scratching/brushing noise. Wasn’t sure where it was coming from until I see this very large, bearded man standing at the front of the bus, scratching his face, head, arms, etc. with his CTA card! It was making the loudest, driest, grossest sound and he just kept scratching away.
Woman on #65 bus doing a full manicure on her VERY LONG nails, including filing, picking and painting.
This is more of something I heard than saw but once this girl (obviously mentally ill) started talking up an older business man. The first thing she asked was if he had a baby and the man answered “yes”. This sent her on a most disturbing tangent. She proceeded to tell the man how much she would love to have a baby so she could take the baby’s temperature in the “butt”. She kept asking the man if he takes his child’s temperature in the “butt”. It was beyond disturbing..I felt complete disgust way after I left the train.

AD / June 21, 2005 12:21 PM

OK OK, that is enough! Can we all just agree that some truly horrible things occur on our mass transit system. Have we forgotten we still have to ride the damn thing nearly every day. Can someone please share an encouraging story of something inspiring or at least halfway decent to counter act all the tales of sexual depravity, mental illness, and mysterious bodily fluids seeping into clothing. Please!

Leah W / June 21, 2005 12:33 PM

I once saw a guy peeing on the red line. Actually, he was peeing out the open door of the train. It was moving, but he had pulled the doors open. It was Thanksgiving.

I also saw a guy peeing on the Garfield platform of the Green Line a couple Thanksgivings after that. What's up with public transit urination during the holidays?

Ericka / June 21, 2005 12:49 PM

Hmmm...there are some really gross things happening on the CTA. I'm surprised they haven't been turned into some crazy reality series. I mean you have all the necessary characters and from all walks of life. Perfect! LOL

I would have to personally say that the grossest things I've seen on the CTA involve men jerking off or humping objects and leaving behind a slimy reminder to all that they were there. Then there would have to be the guy/girl smoking on the train, the man who reeks of a brewery with his little duffle bag full of cheap cans of beer, the child and adults wiping their snot on the seats, windows and their clothing or worse eating them! You can't forget the people who decide that the train or bus somehow become their own personal beauty parlor and hygiene maintenance counter! The stink on some of the trains are NASTY! Can you say, stale pee and cigarettes mixed with rotting food or flesh of some kind?

I'm just glad I haven't found any dead people on the train....although I'm sure someone has...

Carrie D / June 21, 2005 12:50 PM

Good idea, AD! Here's one of the most entertaining things I've seen: I was on the red line headed toward the city when I guy got on with a small felt board. He took a seat, set the board level on his lap, pulled out 3 bottle tops and a small red cotton ball, and set up the game, and challenged people seated nearby to "Find the Ball"! He started chanting to entice people to play. It took him just over a stop before he had enticed the guy across from him to put in $20 and play. The guy won, doubled his money, and everyone who was paying attention cheered. Soon he had 2-3 different guys playing. By the time I got off the train, I'm sure he was well on his way to earning his money back!

leah also! / June 21, 2005 12:57 PM

The thing that grosses me out the most is seeing people eating on the train. I cannot for the life of me see how anyone could do it.

They eat with their hands and grab the poles and then put more food in their mouth and EEEEW I am gagging just thinking of it.


It also makes me think what their homes must be like if they don't mind eating in such filth.

p.s. I like the gross stories. You know like when you're a kid and you dare yourself to look at something scary (or gross) or you taunt your best friend into doing it? Each new entry is a tempting bit of ick, a new dare.

*URRGH SCAB PICKERS! GRODY!* gahaahhahaaa!

Erica / June 21, 2005 12:58 PM

Who has the unfortunate job of cleaning the train cars and busses?
This also reminds me of the horror stories an old friend of mine would tell me about his job as manager for a movie theater complex.

As for happy stories, I saw a guy share his booze with a lady friend he met up with along his outbound trip on the blueline. I thought that was nice.

Lots of people leave behind their reading material for the next passenger who sits in their seat.

Sometimes people even play their headphones loud enough for everyone to hear.

Once in awhile, people leave interesting writings on seats and windows, which keeps riders engaged when they forget to bring a book or music.

I especially like the kind riders who stand guard at the exit doors to protect the passengers in case, say, a scary sasquatch attempts to enter the train. There might be empty seats and their stop might be a mile away, but they are determined to plant themselves right at the exits just in case of harm. That’s gotta be why they do it.

Michael / June 21, 2005 1:08 PM

Carrie D -

What you witnessed was a scam called the "shell game." The first person who played and won was part of the scam (there's usually two or three working together as a team), which in turn entices others to play. Whenever one of these jokers gets on the train, unrolls his newspaper and begins barkng like a carnie, I usually like to try and spot the other cons and then call them out to everyone else on the train before anyone loses their money. Very satisfying.

Jp / June 21, 2005 1:23 PM

When I lived in WrigleyVille I used to take the Howard train (Red Line to you newbies) to work in the loop.

One time there was this transsexual who looked really masculine but must of had breast implants because he had really big knockers. His shirt was unbuttoned and one of his man breasts was hanging out and he didn't seem to care at all. It looked really good until you saw it was attached the a man sporting a five o'clock shadow, too much make up and painted on jeans that prominently displayed his manhood (is that a polish sausage in your pocket or are you just happy to see all these people peeping you man boob). He kept stroking himself through his jeans while starring down the rest of the riders.

I was so transfixed by this such a surreal sight so early in the morning that I didn't notice the guy next to me was masturbating under his news paper. He had headphones on and was listening to the Star Wars soundtrack. When I quickly got up, the train made an abrupt halt and I slipped on what must have been vomit and really hurt my elbow on the hard plastic of my seat. The transsexual man quickly came to my aid, asked me if I was ok and helped me up. He never bothered to cover his breast which dangled so close to my face I could see hairs growing around his nipple. I proceeded to shit in my pants. I didn't go to work that day and when I got home I desperately scanned the auto section of the Sun-Times.

jen / June 21, 2005 1:33 PM

mine wasn't so much as gross but rather a poor attempt at either art or a sociological experiment. whatever the case, it was done merely for the sake of shock value.

it was the red line i believe, and two students had fashioned clay to resemble piles of poo. the poo was strategically positioned on one seat and on the floor in front of another. the one student sat directly behind where the action was, giggling her immature ass off, while the other student videotaped disgusted CTA patrons as they tried to sit, only to instinctually turn the other way.

perhaps if i were 5 years younger, i would have considered this a near compelling exercise in human behaviour. however, with enough plight on the buses and trains, i found it to be completely annoying and juvenile.

staci / June 21, 2005 1:35 PM

On the entrace to the belmont stop on the red line, I once saw a woman shove her kid (about three years old or so) through the turnstile and then demand a free entrance so she could retrieve her kid. The CTA guy let her through and then she grabbed the kid and ran up to the platform to get the train. The CTA guy must have alerted the police to this, because as I was making my way up to the platform, two cops ran past me to find the woman. She was put in handcuffs and taken away -- not only had she scammed free entrance onto the El, but once on the platform, she started violently beating the kid. I know it's not bodily fluid-gross, but it was upsetting to see it all go down.

Brian / June 30, 2005 1:06 PM

This one time, I was on a train and Gallagher got on and started trying to snort his own pee.

Chuck / June 30, 2005 1:24 PM

Dude, I saw that too. It was pathetic.

Lonnie / June 30, 2005 1:25 PM

You guys are liars. Everyone knows that happened before a show at the Star Plaza in Indiana.

Brian T. / June 30, 2005 1:28 PM

Thank you. I've tried to tell my "friends" about Gallagher at the Star Plaza, and they called me a liar. This site is great. Thanks, Lonnie.

Lonnie / June 30, 2005 1:29 PM

No problem.

Jenny O. / June 30, 2005 1:31 PM

Moar DuhSeat. Duhh Duh duh durrrr. [fart]

Dan M. / June 30, 2005 1:33 PM

My name's Dan and I call people liars.

Lonnie / June 30, 2005 1:34 PM

You shouldn't do that Dan.

deli-cut / July 6, 2005 12:51 PM

Someone once farted in my face on the train. He was standing near the door and had his butt wedged in the space between the plexiglas and the metal where the bar is, and I was sitting in the seat nearest the door. I distinctly heard the pooting sound, but thankfully it didn't stink. If it had, I think I might have punched him.

Jessica / July 6, 2005 2:25 PM

In early May I was on an Red Line train around 11pm. At the Addison stop an obviously drunk guy wandered onto the train and while standing in the middle of the car unzipped his pants and peed into an empty water bottle he was carrying. He then closed the lid, set the bottle on the floor, and promptly got off at the next stop. The bottle just rolled around on the floor and whenever someone who'd gotten on after the peeing guy left went to pick it up we'd quickly warn them off.

jk1 / July 6, 2005 5:01 PM

My wife and I boarded a northbound Red Line train at Berwyn once on our way to see a movie in Evanston. It was late afternoon on a weekend during summer.

I preceded my wife through the doors and turned to the seats on my left. After taking two or three steps toward my desired seat, I perceived something peculiar on the conductor seat at the back of the car.

Taking a couple steps toward the suspect seat, I thought to myself 'Is that dookie?' A couple additional steps (I'm nearsighted) confirmed, to my disgust, 'It IS dookie!'

Yes, a giant semi-liquid pile of brown hatred shat dead center in that poor seat. My wife was aghast. Needless to say we hustled to the next car upon reaching Bryn Mawr.

AP / July 7, 2005 2:24 PM

Once while riding the #136 downtown to work about 8AM on a packed bus, I could hear a riiippp... noise from the left side. I look over and a suit and heals clad women is picking at knots and tangles in her messy hair, ripping them out of her head, then throwing the knots on the floor of the bus.

By the time we got to Michigan Ave, there was a huge pile of hair on the floor(which then of course she promptly got out of her seat and got off the bus, leaving the rest of us with a rolling "sagebrush" of human hair).

Ick! GAG!!

Not as horrible as others, but I have only been in Chi-town 3 years- I am sure I will see worse.

Brett / July 8, 2005 4:35 PM

Was on the Fullerton platform late at night, waiting for a red line train. Some guy sat down next to me and started yammering.

Eventually mentioned that he had a gun in his bag, and explained how he would stick his hand in the bag and fire away if someone ever talked smack about his dad. I just kinda looked at him, totally confused ... and when he asked me if I had a problem with his dad, I'm sure I started to wimper.

The train came and I bolted to a far away car. Still creeps me out. Damn.

Jesse K. / July 18, 2005 7:58 PM

Poop is common enough, but one morning I entered the "hobo corner" and found poop overflowing from a Dunkin Donuts cup. My morning was kind of shot after that.

Keith Battles / January 3, 2007 11:37 PM

Social networking site MySpace is to block users from uploading copyrighted music to its pages...

Keith Battles / January 3, 2007 11:37 PM

Social networking site MySpace is to block users from uploading copyrighted music to its pages...

Keith Battles / January 3, 2007 11:38 PM

Social networking site MySpace is to block users from uploading copyrighted music to its pages...

William Ralston / January 3, 2007 11:58 PM

A musical about the witches from The Wizard of Oz breaks West End box office records, its producers say...

Terrance Wenger / January 4, 2007 12:18 AM

Microsoft and Peter Jackson postpone the making of a film based on the Halo video game after backers pull out...

Terrance Wenger / January 4, 2007 12:19 AM

Microsoft and Peter Jackson postpone the making of a film based on the Halo video game after backers pull out...

Matthew Breland / January 4, 2007 12:40 AM

William Styron, whose Holocaust novel Sophie's Choice became a film and an opera, has died, aged 81...

Raphael Headley / January 4, 2007 10:47 AM

Record company EMI sign a deal with the estate of crooner Dean Martin to use the singer's likeness...

Raphael Headley / January 4, 2007 10:48 AM

Record company EMI sign a deal with the estate of crooner Dean Martin to use the singer's likeness...

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