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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Tuesday, March 5

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printdude / August 9, 2006 7:24 AM

The one where Blagg the Axeman beheads the dark Lord Kayne and becomes ruler of this fair land.

I think it starred Larry Hagman as the Dark Lord Kayne and Herve Villachez was his lackey, too.

mike / August 9, 2006 8:37 AM

Unlimited happy.

Lawrence / August 9, 2006 9:45 AM

I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.

spence / August 9, 2006 9:53 AM

My "Swiss Family Robinson" fantasy: It's been a life long dream of mine to live in a tree house, fight pirates and discover buried treasure.

Spook / August 9, 2006 10:15 AM

waking up in a George Romero- ish world, with a quickly spreading infection of a unknown virus creating a world of zombies.

Of course Romero's Zombies are a lot less scray than the present horde of zombies walking around this country

Terminal Verbosity / August 9, 2006 10:20 AM

I'd hunt me a human.

Or get teabagged by Tattoo.

Anon / August 9, 2006 10:39 AM

My playmate knows my fantasies.

Now, if he didn't have a girlfriend...

Allan / August 9, 2006 10:40 AM

Whoa...this is a tough one. My whole life is mostly about dreaming up fantasies just to get me through the day but it would probably be something where women find me attractive and interesting and would be willing to have sex with me.

Eamon / August 9, 2006 10:48 AM

Replaying every day of my life with Kay. Just once though, so we can get on with making new memories.

Oh, and motorcycling cross-country with skydiving, strippers, and steak at the end of the trip.

Josh / August 9, 2006 11:20 AM

I'd be the primary owner of the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas circa the late 1950s. Martinis and smokes with Sinatra and Dino, driving to Bel-Air in a Chevy Malibu, hear live swing bands, showgirls in my penthouse day and night, lunch by the poolside. Ah, a real life.

Mikey / August 9, 2006 11:24 AM

Spook beat me to the punch, but...

yeah, my "Fantasy Island" episode would also consist of awakening to a post-apocalyptic world where I must lead a small band of armed-to-the-teeth survivors against hordes of murderous zombies in the tradition of Night of the Living Dead, Shaun of The Dead, 28 Days Later, Stephen King's The Cell, etc...

Otherwise, my backup fantasy would be going to Hogwarts for the first time as a young and talented wizard...

Baldeesh / August 9, 2006 11:41 AM

You know, zombies scare the living fuck out of me, but after reading about the zombie fantasies - I think fighting zombies would be kind of fun.

I would have to include Tom Savini in this fantasy, as well as my sister. Tom 'cause he's hot and my sister, because, well, she'd look so damned surprised most of the time...

Steve / August 9, 2006 11:56 AM

The one where salt water becomes a viable source of energy, pollution-free and all but infinite.

fluffy / August 9, 2006 12:02 PM

In Fantasy Island....didn't it usually turn out that the person's fantasy had a little morality/life lesson to it? There was always a price to pay, a lesson to be learned....
I would never go to Fantasy Island because I wouldn't be in control of my dream/fantasy. It would be somewhat like a bad acid trip. At some point, I'd probably get drunk and pick a fight with Tattoo. Although, it would be cool to be able to talk to animals.....

atour / August 9, 2006 12:30 PM

The British never carved up the Middle East and Assyrians had their own country, where they were free to live in peace!

Too nerdy? It's all I want!!!!

pat / August 9, 2006 12:58 PM

That I could appear on an episode of the Love Boat where Charo and Charles Nelson Reilly are having relationship difficulties.

That would be priceless.

Cliff / August 9, 2006 1:04 PM

My fantasy is being out of debt so that I can go to an regular island, lie on the sand and drink umbrella drinks.

Oh. And being fit enough that Greenpeace doesn't show up trying to push me back in the water.

jonesybot / August 9, 2006 1:16 PM

Fantasy Island is yet another hole in my pop-culture familiarity--never seen it. Or star wars. Or many other shows of my generation.

If I got to go to an island for a fantasy life though: No work...I would have the capability to exile is by invite only...all drinks would require umbrellas...I would get a massage every day...there would be no sports, just board games...and I would have satelite cable to finally catch up on the 1970-80's shows that I'd missed.

Bill V / August 9, 2006 1:50 PM

That two chicks at the same time thing all depends on the chicks. So don't wish for that until you know. I'll go with waking up everyday in a place like Hawaii, food, drinks, all of my friends, golf, chocolate and hot tubs. A short walk over to my favorite Lollapalooza stage any time I want. That would be pretty cool.

Felix Heredia / August 9, 2006 2:37 PM

One word: tigolbitties.

Marilyn / August 9, 2006 2:43 PM

This is really depressing.

mary / August 9, 2006 3:12 PM

marilyn - yes yes it is.

Blagg the Axman / August 9, 2006 3:14 PM

My ultimate fantasy would be represented in a grand collision of justice, peace and vengeance. The Dark Lord and his wretched ilk would be driven forth by a people renewed of their spirit and will to fight, halberds and hay-forks at the ready, rising up in memory of their fallen king. Ogres driven back to the mountains, goblin nests ferreted out, and the vile nightmare of the Dark Lordís reign banished to the past. And if I may allow myself a moment of selfish wont, an Axmanís own blade would cleave Kayneís head upon the chopping block.

missmolly / August 9, 2006 3:44 PM

ahhh Blagg. It's been many moons since your wisdom graced this forum.

good to have you join in again.

youknow / August 9, 2006 4:08 PM

definitely second the cross-country motorcycle trip.

but what's "Fantasy Island"?

i ain't got no tv.

JB / August 9, 2006 4:41 PM

I fantasize about things that really aren't fit for print. Let's just say they involve macrame plant hangers, empty propane tanks (the big 'uns), adzes, sumo wrestlers, and venuzuelan moonshine.

Y'all see where I'm going with this, right (wink, wink)?

Oh, and I also fantasize about living in a world where people don't take themselves so seriously--I mean, shit's fucked up enough as it is to have to endure it without a sense of humor.

Hal / August 9, 2006 4:50 PM

Fantasy Island like the show (i.e. with the potential morality play): would require a "safe" one - i.e. not an implicit statement of greed or other pettiness. For that, the chance to play football in high-school - which I chickened out of at the time. Three knee surgeries from rugby later, I'm pretty sure I could take it.

It would require some of the magic Mr. Rourke was throwing around towards the end of the series, though, for the time travel/de-aging/all-around Quantum Leap-ness of that scenario.
Fantasy Island like all the poor saps on the show thought it would be*: A romantic weekend with the One True Love That Could Never Be (tm) with all the excesses of food, alcohol and hot tubs described above. Not that this scenario could go horribly, horribly wrong, no sir.

* And, really, how did word not spread? "Hey, Jack, how was your weekend on Fantasy Island?" "They chased me around with guns for two days, man. And then my wife left me. And.. And... *sigh* Worst vacation, ever." Even if there was some non-disclosure thing, you certainly wouldn't get many endorsements...

racerx / August 9, 2006 6:03 PM

I'd go with the zombie thing, except I'd want to be one: I'd like to wake up tomorrow with nothing better to do than chase hot, scantily-clad chicks around, muttering 'brains' while trying to bite them.

I think that would be fun.

ap / August 9, 2006 10:12 PM

I would go back to the day Mayor Daley visited my high school and, when he came in close to shake my hand, this time I would pull him to me and kiss him on the mouth.

PMan / August 9, 2006 11:09 PM

I'd stay within the 70's motif to be towel-boy on Wonder Woman Island.

B1299 / August 10, 2006 8:55 AM

I'd become a member of the opposite sex for a couple days, just to find out what the hell is going on in there.

ab / August 10, 2006 9:48 AM

I'd like to look like Heidi Klum for a few days.

Andy / August 10, 2006 10:15 AM

My fantasy island would be to wake up one day in a world where everyone, no matter the consequenses, told the truth in every situation. Sure, you'd wind up hearing a lot of stuff that you didn't want to hear, but you could finally go up to that one person that you were always like "what the fuck" and ask him or her "what the fuck?" And you'd get a real answer.

amyc / August 10, 2006 11:43 AM

Right now, my fantasy is having a job that doesn't make me want to cry with exhaustion and impotent rage at the end of every day.

sb / August 10, 2006 12:50 PM


Me too! Dare to dream!

flobear / August 10, 2006 1:19 PM

Unicorns...riding on unicorns all day long :)

Of course, being able to talk to the unicorn and the other animals would be helpful too.

Oh and of course there would be a beach to stop at where there would be the dreamboat waiting there to be ravaged!

But back to the unicorns...

Spook / August 10, 2006 10:31 PM

Wide mouth bottles of Mickey's Fine Malt Liqour hanging like ripe fruite from every tree in the world and every steam and river flowing with Guinness Exta Stout

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