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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Friday, December 8

Gapers Block

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R / November 10, 2008 10:24 AM

Universal health care, and I would turn the lawn of the White House into a dog run.

egspoony / November 10, 2008 10:32 AM

Considering I could basically pass anything my party desires, I'd work on the economy, cleaner fuels, and health care reforms first. Not everything, just several measures of a larger plan.

Greg / November 10, 2008 10:48 AM

Initiate DOMA's immediate repeal
Revoke tax exemptions for religious organizations
Severely curtail or abolish entirely the Office of National Drug Control Policy
Commission NASA to team with private industry to construct solar power satellites within 10 years

Gaigen / November 10, 2008 11:28 AM

Brief strolls around the Oval Office named. Sex in the Blue Room. Late night phones calls to Ahmadinejad in Iran ("Is your refridgerator running? Well, you better go catch it because WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY YOUR NUCLEAR WEAPON-MAKING CAPABILITIES BY FORCE IF WE MUST!!!"), Punctuate every sentence in a meeting with the joint cheifs of staff with "That's what she said!" ("Mr. President, I think we have to continued the surge..." "That's what SHE said!"), hold a secret "Opposite Day" but don't tell anyone ("The President today signed a bill giving massive tax breaks to the richest 10 percent of Americans...")..

Oh, yeah, and all of that health care, environmental bill-signing stuff too.

Gaigen / November 10, 2008 11:29 AM

Um, that shoudl be "Brief strolls around the Oval Office nude...". Damn.

madachode / November 10, 2008 11:35 AM

Demolish N Halsted. Eliminate civil rights. And explain to the citizens that if you want health care, then get a job. Governement is not for hand outs and we are not a socialist country, it you wanted one, move to Europe and enjoy the high taxes.

lawrence / November 10, 2008 2:14 PM

I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time.

David / November 10, 2008 2:31 PM

Truth and Reconciliation Committee.

Jasmine / November 10, 2008 4:12 PM

I second David's idea on a Truth and Reconciliation Committee. See:

C-Note / November 10, 2008 4:24 PM

madachode - Eliminate civil rights? I hope you see the irony. Or was that a joke?

Are you really suggesting that you'd spend federal tax money to destroy a city street with no reason given, or are you just trying to say something stupid in a clumsy way?

It amuses me to wonder what other blatant contradictions are holding hands in your mind.

Cheryl / November 10, 2008 5:34 PM

Arrest Bush, Cheney, et al.

Brian / November 10, 2008 8:33 PM

1.) Shred the Constitution
2.) ???
3.) Profit!

Oh wait. That's already been done.

mike-ts / November 10, 2008 10:57 PM

Remind people of the forgotten 10th Amendment by eliminating every agency but the FBI and CIA. Eliminate the Fed Reserve and print Treasury greenbacks, then default on the debt as it was in what is now a defunct currency. No more income tax - only sales taxes. Legalize drugs so the profit's out of it. Recall all of our troops ASAP so when we nuke our enemies, they're out of harm's way. Issue Letters of Marque against persons instigating terror against us - it'll give the mob something to do now drug profits went away.

Calmly tell business that's it's not a welfare queen, and can pull its own chestnuts out of the fire by coming together themselves and forming a rescue plan, sans taxpayer robbery. Japanese business can pull it off, why not us?

Okay, so much for Day One. Whatever will I do for the next 99? Golf!

Kenzo Shibata / November 10, 2008 11:09 PM

I would push to scrap No Child Left Behind, start from the beginning and fully fund any mandate in its place.

Spence / November 11, 2008 9:42 AM

1. Create jobs through energy reform, green initiatives, and infrastructure improvements(AKA a real stimulus, not a $600 check to go buy a flat screen made in China).
2. Universal healthcare
3. Begin withdrawing troops from Iraq.
4. Send more troops to Afghanistan.
5. Create jobs by bolstering FDA, SEC, and other regulatory bodies....and regulate for Christ sake.
6. Education reform.

I'll add that a head hunt for Bush and Cheney is a waste of time and money. It might make you feel good or vindicated, but it's not going to help the US as a whole. I wouldn't expect much on that front.

Spence / November 11, 2008 10:05 AM

BTW C-Note, when you engage with trolls like madachode, you validate their presence. Best to completely ignore them.

eee / November 11, 2008 10:50 AM

I agree about eliminating No Child Left Behind. What a freaking disaster. Let's have our children parrot back answers needed to pass tests, not to actually learn and think for themselves. Way to raise a generation, NCLB.

Christopher Garlington / November 11, 2008 3:07 PM

I'd visit New Orleans. I'd start a program to fund college to all high school students who maintain a 4.0 GPA. I'd start an international cultural diplomacy program and base it in New Orleans and Chicago.

amyc / November 11, 2008 3:31 PM

I'd put Blagg the Axeman in charge of defense.

Also, I would make all my favorite bands give command performances at the White House.

But first I would have the entire Bush/Cheney administration frogmarched to the Hague to be tried for war crimes.

madachode / November 12, 2008 8:58 AM

Arrest Bush/Cheney and march them to the Hague for war crimes? Something tells me that some of you people have forgotton that over 2000 of your fellow citizens were murdered by terrorists and feel that you should use dipolmacy when dealing with people that want to kill you just because you are an American. Makes me very shameful that I as a veteren put my life on the line to defend morons like you. Oh and before I forget, march amyc, brian, and spence to Levenworth to be tried as traitors to this nation.

A Veteren / November 12, 2008 9:00 AM

For those that have defended it, freedom has a taste that the protected will never know...

Josh / November 12, 2008 11:10 AM

I would assign myself the only task needed to repair this country. I would completely eliminate lobbyist groups. Gone. Destroyed. Banished. Forever. No more lobbying in our nation. Never again.

m / November 12, 2008 12:53 PM

I love matachode's irony. Hilarious!

Spook / November 12, 2008 1:50 PM

have a fire side chat with the Nation about the grave disparity between rich and poor.

Arrest Bush, Cheney, et al

Job training and a massive job creation program.

Invite Patrick J. Fitzgerald to the white house and say any position you want is yours but bring me Daley in handcuffs first. I wanna see him do the perp walk.

Steven / November 12, 2008 11:19 PM


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