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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Monday, February 26

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Anon / August 14, 2006 3:21 PM

That would get me 10 blows job over on Kinzie and Wood.

fluffy / August 14, 2006 3:21 PM

Try to find the person who lost it...look around..stand around for a while and see if someone comes back looking for it.
I'd probably go buy 20 $5-gift certificates of McDonald's and hand them out to homeless people.

fluffy / August 14, 2006 3:32 PM

on second thought, i'd donate it to an animal shelter. fuck people.

Selfish / August 14, 2006 3:56 PM

I already know what I'd do because this actually happened to me. I'd like to say I was as selfless as fluffy and helped out some homeless animals, but I just put it in my pocket with a smile.

I do enough good deeds, I figured.

eep / August 14, 2006 3:57 PM

I'd like to say I'd do something nice with it, but that's $100 to my credit card bills right there.

JB / August 14, 2006 4:00 PM

Buy a few rounds for my friends.

Marilyn / August 14, 2006 4:04 PM

Oh yes, I'd keep it. I'd put it in my X-mas club fund for a vacation.

Lawrence / August 14, 2006 4:06 PM

I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.

Baldeesh / August 14, 2006 4:08 PM

I would most likely give it to Brenna. She's really awesome - she's seen me through some really tough times lately.

Also, she feeds me and gets me high.

jennifer / August 14, 2006 4:12 PM

Use it towards Al Franken tickets.

Hal / August 14, 2006 4:14 PM

I'd go with buying rounds and/or dinner.

Andrew / August 14, 2006 4:19 PM

Not to stifle anyone's voice, but the next time I see a "two chicks at one time" type post, it's going in the garbage.

Display some actual creativity and humor, please, not a stale batch of someone else's.

Y A J / August 14, 2006 4:22 PM

Thank you Andrew!
It gets a little gross around here lately.

me / August 14, 2006 4:32 PM

Pay down debt. Like every other American who isn't a millionaire.

Except I would have to find 1000 $100 bills in order to be completely free of it...

Ah screw it, i'd go drinking.

Peter / August 14, 2006 4:37 PM


Y A J / August 14, 2006 4:39 PM

Mine would be a kind of combination, I’d use the $ to buy a ticket to a charity fundraiser that I couldn’t afford. Then I’d be donating it and having a good time.

racerx / August 14, 2006 4:50 PM

In defense of the 'two chicks at one time' joke . . . it's old, but it always makes me smile. So I'd use the money to buy Andrew a sense of humor.

JB / August 14, 2006 4:55 PM

Not to hijack the thread, but I've noticed a lot of people have mentioned donating the cash, which is awesome. But the reason I volunteer is that I pretty much figure I'll never miraculously run across the hundred to donate--and I'll certainly never make that much.

Many charities (like the one I volunteer with) are desperate for people to come in and do the most mundane tasks--data entry for four hours a month, for example. It's not glamorous, so it's hard to find people to do it. But worth just as much as a random hunny, I'd say.

p / August 14, 2006 4:56 PM

1 package of hashed browns, 1 avocado, one loaf wheat bread (breakfast) 2 tickets to s.o.a.p., 2 40's of king cobra to sneak in, 1 ebay watch/lighter gift for date, 2 club sandwiches (lunchtime), 1 cedar plank, 2 salmon fillets, 1 bottle vino, 1 dimebag, 4 designer cupcakes, 3pk protection. And 5 dollars worth temporary tattoos to be handed out to youths.

C-Note / August 14, 2006 4:57 PM

Why is altruism such a normal reaction with regard to found money as opposed to earned money? There's not really a rational basis for the shift in attitude. Sorry for asking questions. I know that's Andrew's job.

fluffy / August 14, 2006 4:59 PM

I'd donate it to the GP Freedom of Speech fund. I can't say I always have that fresh feeling, you know, some of my humor can be stale.
And no, I didn't like that friggin jaggoff's (how's that for Chicagoism) comment, but I just roll my eyes....and chalk it up to "there's always a loser in the bunch"

fluffy / August 14, 2006 5:03 PM

((Sorry I'm posting so much))
If I didn't earn it, I don't spend it. That's just me and my opinion.
Also, found money doesn't make me happy. big deal.

Mikey / August 14, 2006 5:06 PM

Between weekly street fests, Lollapalooza, etc., I am broke. That $100 would go right in my pocket for living expenses...

leah / August 14, 2006 5:29 PM

(that "loser's" joke always makes me giggle, which just goes to prove that I'm a sexist 14-year-old boy trapped in a 29-year old female's body. Just as I suspected all along.)

I'd buy my friends drinks. $100 isn't gonna make a huge dent or difference in anyone/anything's big financial woes. Might as well get my friends hammered.

JJ / August 14, 2006 5:30 PM

I work at a non-profit, and I've learned that some people give their money, and others just don't - it's a personality trait. I'm willing to bet that anyone who would truly donate $100 found, already gives of their earned money as well.

I love Officespace. Any reference to it, no matter how common, always makes me giggle.

Ken / August 14, 2006 5:32 PM

Buy $25 worth McDs burgers for the homeless people,
$25 worth pet food for the homeless animals, $25 for me and $25 worth of flowers to hand out as random acts of kindness that will be sure to generate some random acts from 2 women at the same time. - couldn't help it sorry.

printdude / August 14, 2006 5:37 PM

I'd be using that $100 to bankroll an evening at the track - with a $20 bet to win on a longshot.
And thereby affording a big night out for me and cupcakes at some rudy-poot French place like La Petit Folie.
Because I would win, dammit.

paul / August 14, 2006 5:38 PM

A hundred bucks doesn't go very far these days, it would be like finding a ten, ten years ago. It would just flow into my usual expenditures and I wouldn't feel it enough to spend it on anything I normally wouldn't buy.

All traces of it would be gone in a week or so, and I wouldn't feel a gram of guilt.

Or maybe I'd use it to rent "Office Space" to help me remember if Lawrence's comment was funny the first time.

C-Note / August 14, 2006 5:53 PM

The "if I didn't earn it, I don't spend it" distinction is useless; if you donate it, you ARE spending it. Not on tangible consumer goods, exactly, but the fact that you use the money at all - as opposed to tearing it up - means that you're spending it. Not only that, but it's absurd to spend most of your waking hours working for money, then to treat found money in a different way. I'm not criticizing the decision to donate money; what I'm getting at is that people treat money in contradictory ways, particularly where guilt or altruism or social mores (which generally conflict with reason) become involved. William Burroughs said it best: "There is a dream feeling when you find money." Dreams are great, but there's no point in denying that they make you do some irrational shit. Doing irrational shit can be a good thing; actually, maybe Dostoevsky said that best when he called free will, the human ability to choose between reason and irrationality "the most advantageous advantage." Thanks for listening.

C-Note / August 14, 2006 5:56 PM

Much love for the clever shout-out, Andrew... I caught it.

Carrie / August 14, 2006 6:41 PM

I would stand around with my jaw dropped for a few minutes wondering if it could really, really be $100. Then I would pick it up, walk around smiling and then probably blow it on booze.

And then I was going to say that I'd come into work and see the picture of Bunny the elephant, realize I could have fed her for a few days, felt a little guilty for drinking it away and then donated to her. However, I just donated to her again, so if I find $100 tonight, it's mine, all mine.

kate / August 14, 2006 6:53 PM

Like several other people, after pocketing it and smiling like a fool I'd blow it on booze. I'd invite a friend or two along to drink ourselves into a $100 tab.

Cliff / August 14, 2006 7:22 PM

Well, if I rolled well enough I could buy Mediterranean Avenue or Baltic Avenue with a little $40 left over. That would probably go to rent on some other property. I could blow the whole amount on Oriental Avenue or Vermont Avenue, but that might be a little more risky later in the game...

Leelah / August 14, 2006 7:56 PM

I'd spend it. At school, I keep a drawer stocked with snacks for kids (paid for with un-found money), so maybe it would fund that. Or maybe it would go toward cds. Or a nice dinner.

I'm interested in what people would do if they found $5.

lara / August 14, 2006 7:58 PM

eh, i prolly go get some fabulous fixin's and have my friends over for a meal. granted, i really applaud those who would give to charity, but my impulse would most likely be to fund a gathering.

and, i am usually (one of) the knee-jerk feminist(s) on here, but for some reason, perhaps because i so love office space as well, i know it's contextualized as a rather pathetic character. now, if i didn't know that, i would have found it annoyingly offensive. overall, i applaud andrew for limiting gratuitous sexist jokes, but i do sympathize with the giggles around town.

Carlotta / August 14, 2006 8:28 PM

Probably do something mundane like put it towards normal living expenses, or towards some pricey dental work that's coming down the road.

But if I were really in a good mood at the time, I'd go to a good restaurant with a friend and enjoy a good meal.

s / August 14, 2006 8:37 PM

freak out the squares.

cory / August 14, 2006 8:59 PM

Being a hedonist, I think I'd splurge for some fine tequila that I have not tried before. It's too expensive for a lot of experimentation.

Steve / August 14, 2006 9:40 PM

If I found $100, or even a mere $5, I'd give it to Leelah to buy snacks for her students.

mutant machine / August 14, 2006 10:06 PM

$Hundo? Probably invest in condo renovations. By the way, Andrew, I know you basically built this playground, and I love what it offers, and visit daily. But at the same time is there something to be said for the fact that people who make the "two chicks", and "blows job" comments are reading this site? Are they Immature intelects, or intelectually immature? Regardless, however base it may seem, it displays the diversity of the readership. Touch em all.

Andrew / August 14, 2006 11:04 PM

I hear all the complaints, and I'll back off. However, the same "two chicks" joke was made two threads back (Fantasy Island). While two isn't a trend, I frankly don't want it to become one.

For the record, I'd probably frown on an innocuous Simpsons reference if someone repeated constantly, too.

PMan / August 14, 2006 11:05 PM

$50 for a bottle of scotch and $50 to the international relief.

As for the rational/irrational argument. I rationally alot my predictable income. It's a chore and I'm always in danger of depleting my funds. That $100 is mad money and I can indulge the whimsey that this hard world hasn't crushed yet. It's worth $100.

jonesybot / August 14, 2006 11:09 PM

Rationalize spending it on something that, though I would have bought it anyway, would have made me feel guilty. Avoiding guilt is money well spent.


Scenario: Me at Mertz's Apothecary
Self-talk: "I really don't need more bath products, oh what the hell it basically free." (kidding myself that I would not have bought the delicious smelling soaps and lotions either way.

Sidenote: I think of myself as rather idealistic. Clearly though, I am not an altruist. Really folks, you find $$ on the street and you rush to give it to charity. Really?

Ouch, I suck.

Leroy / August 15, 2006 6:38 AM

Great answer s...I'd like to donate $100 to your cause.

gardnot / August 15, 2006 9:32 AM

i would buy me the finest ganjita i could find in the city.

Alison / August 15, 2006 9:36 AM

I would buy a present for one of the million damn weddings I've been going to this summer. Buying all those presents starts to hurt.

fluffy / August 15, 2006 9:49 AM

Why is everyone so quick to criticise? I hesitate posting anymore because of this. I'm answering the question honestly. Or wait, are we all suppossed to think the same way?

Yeah, I would donate it. I've been homeless and know what it's like. Not a big deal. I'm one of those idiots who volunteers too, who is a foster parent to pets I find on the street until someone adopts them, and I donate money to different causes. Many times, our decisions are based on our life experiences, good and bad ones.
Then again, if a friend of mine found the $100, I would love it if he/she took me out to a nice dinner- but that would be her/his choice. I'm not judging anyone.

it's absurd to spend most of your waking hours working for money, then to treat found money in a different way."

*That's your opinion, bub*

Blagg the Axman / August 15, 2006 10:19 AM

Years ago an Axman came upon a village, and entered the town square to spy a man in the gallows, hood over his head and the noose around his throat. The entire town had turned out to watch his death.

“Pray tell, townsman,” I whispered to a stout fellow hauling a bushel of onions. “What crime has yon knave committed?”

The prisoner had stolen 100 gold pieces from the town’s coffers—money he claimed to have “found.” In fact, the town’s mayor himself had caught the thief in the act, and the scandal was especially dire as the man to be hung had himself been mayor just a year ago.

I searched the villager’s face. “Where is your new mayor? Speak now!”

Mine eyes followed his finger to the foot of the gallows, where a pale, hooded figure held court. I readied my ax as I approached.

“So, O’Bannon,” I called. “Up to your old tricks again, I see.”

“Blagg,” he hissed.

The fiend raised his gnarled hands, conjuring dark magicks, but I was already upon him. Within seconds his broken body lay at my feet, drawing its last ragged breath. I turned to face the gaping crowd.

“Good townspeople,” I cried. “This treacherous demon you have called mayor is nothing more than Hort O’Bannon, servant of the Dark Lord Kayne. Your entire village has fallen under his hypnotic spell, and today he would have claimed the life of your mayor, a man I know to be goodly and true—because the man himself brought me before King Mandrake years ago for trying to snatch his purse, when I was nothing but a young rapscallion!”

“It is you, Axman!” the Mayor cried. “Oh, praises be!”

When money is found, beware of who may have put it there—and to what end.

Loadzone / August 15, 2006 10:22 AM

Last night I happened upon a lost wallet in my neighborhood with credit cards, student ID's and an Ohio drivers license.

Shudder to think what I could have done with the limits on those cards...but someone had already taken the proverbial $100.

In conclusion, I can't answer this question.

Appleby / August 15, 2006 10:27 AM

Actually, many people would like to donate more money than they do. Here's an example: I used to work in an office in which we all gave our 3 secretaries a cash gift at Christmas. Two of them used that money to make a big donation to their favorite charity. Is that irrational? Only to the extent that altruism is irrational.

Me? I'd buy a GSM cell phone with (part of) my found $100.

jonesybot / August 15, 2006 10:32 AM

By the way, I am actually a non-profit fundraiser. No joke. I am quite relieved by the charitable responce from this group.

Can I put you all in my database?? Just kidding.

Seriously, finding a wallet is a whole different story. Taking anything out of that is BAD, very BAD. Hope that you tried to seek out the unfortunate Ohio native, Loadzone.

holden / August 15, 2006 10:33 AM

cheers to not judging.

i'd probably put the $100 towards a new pair of running shoes and then use the leftover $20 for either some nice beers or to purchase some of the long list of songs in my iTunes shopping cart.

sky / August 15, 2006 10:50 AM

First I would take a very close look and make sure it was not a poo dollar that I was about to pick up. Nobody wants poo on their hands, even if it is a hundo.
I would probably take a friend that deserved something nice out to dinner, with a couple bottles of wine included.

kt / August 15, 2006 11:01 AM

i guess i'd use it for cab fare to kinzie and wood. learn something new everyday.

emyduck / August 15, 2006 11:04 AM

this happened to me about 10 years ago. i felt guilty, fretted about what to do, then spent it all at walmart on back to school college supplies.

if it happened now, i would probably take some friends out to dinner.

Nicole / August 15, 2006 11:15 AM

Foie Gras, of course!

Spook / August 15, 2006 11:21 AM

I know what some of you republicans are thinking!
Blagg the Axman is soft on crime. You're just to chicken shit to admit it

Hal / August 15, 2006 11:47 AM

God damn, I'm such a slut for Blagg's postings. Fucking brilliant.

And because, "Me, too!" posts are a waste, if I got a second $100 out of the blue (the first having gone to entertaining myself and friends with drinks and food) and were to spend it on some "thing" versus putting it against the general debt pool, I would frame a signed Mutts poster we have sitting in the closet. It really needs to be on a wall.

amy / August 15, 2006 12:24 PM

I'd go shoe shopping.

sd / August 15, 2006 12:39 PM

"I'd just slide that wad over to my father, because he is, like, one of the top brokers in the state."


Josh / August 15, 2006 12:44 PM

The fact that spending $100 requires any deliberation is an indicator of how broke and/or screwed we all are. Of course it would go to bills.

flips / August 15, 2006 1:01 PM

This did just happen to me recently. I asked people nearby and they were honest enough to admit it wasn't theirs. So, I treat my friends to DQ (we were on the way), gave some to the homeless guy under the bridge at Irving Park & LSD and spent the rest on treats for me.

Bill V / August 15, 2006 1:07 PM

I'd go to a bank and have them make change. One of everything, the balance made up of lots of nickels and two dollar bills. Then I'd use that dough for a dinner at some swank downtown spot, stack it all up on the tabele for payment.

Speedy / August 15, 2006 1:07 PM

I'd use it to set up a fund to teach people about the evils of the inefficency of wasting money.

Eamon / August 15, 2006 1:25 PM

I'd donate at least half to either the Chicago Food Bank or the Greenhouse Shelter. The other half would probably go in the bank or to miscellaneous donations.

Found money != earned money != won money, in my book.

TKO / August 15, 2006 1:36 PM

Ten t-shirts from Threadless.

printdude / August 15, 2006 2:05 PM

Found Money = Money gained with zero effort ? Earned money.

Found Money can be parlayed into Won Money, which to me, is a much sweeter thing!
Gambling to me is just another form of entertainment, only some night the cost is higher than others.

april / August 15, 2006 2:11 PM

lawrence~ thanks for making me laugh outloud! That movie will never get old.

Chris / August 15, 2006 2:23 PM

Once I requested 60 bucks from and ATM, instead the ATM spit out 120 bucks. Luckiest day of my life.

I used it to go drinking that night. I believe it was St. Patrick's Day.

Anne / August 15, 2006 2:44 PM

I would put it towards the vet bill I am about to incur for the stray kitten I just adopted. It's kind of selfish and kind of not! Everybody wins!

Emerson Dameron / August 15, 2006 3:35 PM

Save, invest, repeat. Get filthy rich and dance on all of your weed-infested graves. God bless America.

Tobermory / August 15, 2006 4:04 PM

I'd probably want to make a run by either the Nordstrom Rack shoe department or the make-up counter at Saks, but since found money is different than earned money, I'd probably donate it to the animal shelter where I volunteer. But, if it was only $5 (as Leelah suggested) I'd buy a slice of decadent cake from a fancy bakery and surprise my husband with a yummy dessert.

racerx / August 15, 2006 5:19 PM

Purposed thread: should Andrew be allowed to censor the content of posts

caroline / August 15, 2006 6:23 PM

I found a wallet in April of 2005 at the Jewel parking lot in Andersonville. There was easily 3 grand in this bill fold. I had been unemployed at the time for a cool 20 months. I thought about it for 2 seconds, and returned it to the management at Jewel, who I know got it to the owner of the wallet. 2 weeks later I found a job I loved, where I don't have to sit in a cubicle, and I won't ever have to ask anyone if 'they'd like fries with that'. What goes around comes around.....

Sir Charles / February 5, 2007 5:53 AM

Cheer up Andy ... but the two chick thing always puts a smile on my face!
Always good to see some offbeat comment.
Bout the $100 bill?
I live in Uganda(East Africa) ... like they say ... easy come, easy go!
Spend it real fast .. on me!

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