Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Wednesday, July 24

Gapers Block

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Matt / November 30, 2007 8:25 AM

Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch to get a Wii?

You know, for the kids.

Spook / November 30, 2007 8:33 AM

Nice, not to have any kids! I will do my shoping as always at the Christmas Market across the street from the Cook County/City Hall building, during lunch, a couple days before Xmass. Of course now that you have to be a millionair to be a vendor there, the merchandise gets tackier every year. Even the cool supper heavy wool sweaters, have given way to tack sweaters with the American flag stitched on so popular with the Naperville crowd, but at least they still serve beer!

skafiend / November 30, 2007 9:35 AM

Like Spook, no kids, but way damn too many neices and nephews. So it's gift cards, gift cards, gift cards... Impersonal? So f*cking what? Like I'm going to scour the city for personalized gifts for six or seven kids under the age of 16? Screw that. Let 'em get their own shit. Maybe one or two real gifts for a couple of special older folks, but other than that.... gift cards, amigo. One stop shopping. BOOYAH!

printdude / November 30, 2007 9:56 AM

Donuts for eVerybody!

Donuts on Sticks,
Donuts with bows,
wrapped Donuts!

mucifer / November 30, 2007 11:07 AM

$10 dollar sale at, indie baby shops like psychobaby, NO DAMN xmas-themed items, a new f*cking job,...and i always wind up getting stuff for me when i'm out. i need a fashion/comfort boot, a total switch back from unshapely boxers to cute briefs, more girl-group music from the 60's and that Mommy Dearest DVD with John Waters doing the commentary.

Josh / November 30, 2007 11:19 AM

Oh, you mean Stressmas? I hate shopping at this time of year, all around these zombies.

I only have a couple years worth of patience left. After that I will just start giving charity donations as gifts (to the American Breast Cancer Foundation or something like that), and ask my loved ones to give me donations in lieu of gifts to the Anti-Cruelty Society.

Samantha / November 30, 2007 11:21 AM

Ah, threadless will screw ya on that December sale. Last year I bought like 5 shirts for my siblings, etc. on the first day of the sale. They showed up January 4th or something.

This year, I don't think I'm buying anything for anybody. Fuckit. Maybe a donation in their name, or a plastic-bag-replacer from I'm telling them not to buy me anything, my apartment is already full of crap I don't need.

Val / November 30, 2007 11:35 AM

Peace on Earth.

and kick ass boots.

annie / November 30, 2007 12:12 PM

Thankfully, my family stopped buying gifts for each other years ago, now we go out to dinner and try to enjoy each others company. I'm buying reusable bags for my boyfriend's family, probably won't score me any points, but I don't's a good gift. Today my boss gave me an awesome box filled with 14 different types of homehade cookies and a great card about each cookie and a really nice note. I can't top that. I have no clue what to give her.

amyc / November 30, 2007 12:13 PM

I wish I could opt out of the whole season. I'm a big Grinchy McScroogepants. I love giving gifts to the people who mean something to me, but I hate the calendar-imposed obligation to do so, especially for a religious holiday I don't subscribe to. It's hard to explain this to family without sounding like a cheap asshole, however, so every year I just suck it up and buy shit people don't need and get shit I don't need in return.

Bah, humbug. At least there are cool indie craft shows to shop at so I haven't had to go to a mall in years.

Ron / November 30, 2007 12:18 PM

Thank God - this is the year my family took the leap into "kids only" gifts (and mostly just cash there). No more buying useless shit that people don't really need and just adds to the clutter or gets tossed back to Good Will within the year. For local friends, I'm suggesting getting together for a nice dinner or a few glasses of wine. No big parties, no big tree this year. Just Christmas Lite. Looking forward to it for once! Oh yeah, and one gift to make myself feel good, a donation to the Lakeview Pantry.

Poppy / November 30, 2007 12:49 PM

Thankfully my family and the in-laws have moved to no-gift mode - particularly since my husdand has 5 siblings.

I still give to the nieces/nephews. My bother's kids get cash (they're at THAT age) and my husband and I take his niece/nephew shopping downtown and to dinner at the Italian Village.

Last but not least, I'm getting the husband a GPS for his car.

Carlotta / November 30, 2007 1:58 PM

Not too many people on the list, as my adult sisters & I gave up on the gifts a while ago. No nephews or nieces to worry about either.

So, it'll probably mean a bottle of liquor for my ex-boyfriend, and useful stuff for my best friend, e.g. a Trader Joe's gift card, an easy-to-grip can opener, maybe something else along those lines. Heck, I already gave her 6 lbs of rice from Eatzi's going out of business sale!

mike / November 30, 2007 3:48 PM

A book.

I figure I need to balance out at least one person who will go in debt this season.

Visa ain't gettin' my ass this year.

Jill / November 30, 2007 3:59 PM

After a few years of trying, I finally scored a reasonably-priced Chicago Marathon streetpole banner for my brother. Hope he thinks it's cool.

My mother is in the "don't get me anything" phase of her life, which, although nice, still induces big-time guilt, so she gets something from Heifer Intl.

I don't have a big family, so there's not a lot of gift-buying, which is nice. The other side of the family went with Amazon wishlists which helps, but one sister-in-law asked for a lot of shoes. I don't want to buy anyone shoes as a gift. Ever.

Dubi / November 30, 2007 4:23 PM

I am going to buy cial1s because of the tenacious guy who is sending the emails about it. He deserves a happy holiday regardless of spelling abilities.

Steven / November 30, 2007 7:14 PM

Nothing but Christmas cards. It's all I can afford thanks to Com Ed, Mayor Daley, the "Toddler" Stroger and Gov Blagolo... Blagleo... that bitch in Springfield. My 10-pound dog is lucky to get something to eat.

Jenny / December 2, 2007 9:39 AM

Netflix for the parents -- bring'em into the 21st century. Moisturizer for the best friend because it's what she said she wanted, and hey, I know she'll use it. Books -- USED books -- for everyone else. For me? Anybody want to foot my grad school tuition? Naw, I want books.

Cheryl / December 2, 2007 12:17 PM

My Mom laughed, but I really need a new vacuum, so that's what I'm getting.

I got a chemistry set for my niece and books and dvds for everyone else.

Judy / December 2, 2007 3:35 PM

I got old 16mm film reels from my childhood transferred to dvd. I'm giving copies to my mom and grandma.

Daniel / December 2, 2007 4:52 PM

Millions of dollars. Or maybe just a palm tree.

Max / December 2, 2007 4:57 PM

Another chance at childhood.childhood

holden / December 2, 2007 9:49 PM

a pair of nice gray AE cords for 1 brother. a book light and two used books for the other brother. sweater & cool black top for the madre. stencil book for 1 neice. super cool hoodie for the other. considering an ant farm for the nephew. cycling shorts for myself.


jasmine / December 3, 2007 9:16 AM

Toys (two year old godson and his four year old sister)

Baked goods (aunts and uncles, coworkers)

Jewelry/random stuff from craft show at Empty Bottle (mom and grandma)

I only shop for one friend and since he reads GB, I'd rather not give away the awesome surprise.

I want a vacuum cleaner and hiking boots. Ah, adulthood...

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