Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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r / April 25, 2011 10:34 AM

One friendship of mine ended when my homie got a very consuming boyfriend, and returned no one's messages for almost a year; we had a really shaky foundation to begin with so letting her go wasn't a shock to the system.

sarah / April 25, 2011 12:37 PM

Lots of people are too self-involved to really be good friends. I try to save my energy for people who can treat me as well as I treat them. If I realize that a friendship is a one-way street, I'm out.

mary s / April 25, 2011 1:51 PM

i completely agree with sarah. however, i usually don't really cut people out of my life altogether, i sort of just "demote" them to acquaintance.

no regrets / April 25, 2011 9:43 PM

when you find yourself thinking and worrying more about your friends ENDLESS problems than your own life and family. Additionally, when you realize that you are waiting for your friend to hit bottom but that never happens because he or she is using you to avoid facing the truth about him/herself.

I have only had to cut ties with one friend, and it was really hard. It took a long time to make it stick. It was one of the best decisions of my life.

CH / April 26, 2011 1:16 AM

When being with them brings you down. One friend had so much drama in her life that I felt I had to distance myself from her. She could also spew a lot of hostility, especially in public forums like facebook, so that solidified my decision to let go of our ties.

I realized as I get older, with job, family, and various adult responsibilities that take so much time and energy to fulfill, I am much more picky about people, and how much time I want to invest in keeping up a friendship. I want to make time for my dearest friends, but with everyone else, it feels like work.

Carrie / April 26, 2011 3:31 PM

Sounds like we've all learned similar lessons as we've grown. I've realized that if you're too much drama, are always bringing me down, prefer drugs to my company and then blame me for you not wanting to get better, eh, I'm probably happier without you. It's also nice to have a small group of really good friends than a large group of so-so friends (at least for me anyway).

mare / April 26, 2011 5:46 PM

someone told me last week, "most friendships formed in adulthood don't last." painful to hear, but true.
when someone's too much of an emotional drain, (drama queen, let's say) (or doing something illegal, as one now-ex-friend was doing) I back off.

annie / April 26, 2011 6:01 PM

I don't. Which is a problem.

gal / April 27, 2011 1:41 PM

"someone told me last week, "most friendships formed in adulthood don't last." painful to hear, but true. "

well i can say for me that's not true. i've found some amazing folks over the years (i'm mid 30s) through volunteering, language lessons as well as online. its important to make an effort to stay in touch and be intentional in interacting with the person, in case one wants to have meaningful friendships.

as far as letting go, if the person and i no longer resonate, if meeting them is a chore, if they want more time than i can give, these are all indicators of where the friendship is going to go...

Spook / April 27, 2011 6:23 PM

No strongly held convictions that they're willing to go "toe to toe" for.

Greg / April 28, 2011 9:01 AM

when my husband and I rearranged the last couple days of our vacation to travel from Portland to Seattle to see a dear friend (he was our best man) and his new baby. There was weeks of advance notice. When we arrived, the best they could do was meet us for happy hour at some chain restaurant. looking back, I guess he was telling us it was time to end the friendship.

Hersteria / April 28, 2011 11:38 AM

I agree with gal - most of my good, really strong friendships have been formed in adulthood.

I've never formally broken a friendship, as in, "We're through!" I just back off, and either the friendship dies a natural death or the person becomes someone I say hi to at parties.

Mike / April 28, 2011 12:20 PM

I agree with gal and hersteria. The oldest friend I have is someone I met when I was a junior in high school. Everyone other than him is from when I was age 26 to present (38). I have a great group of friends I met as an adult due to our shared interests, etc.

Cival / April 30, 2011 9:01 AM

When said "friend" strolls across the company campus, after having a fight with his cuckolding girlfriend, and attempts to strangle her in front of he co-workers...

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