Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Tuesday, February 27

Gapers Block

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jennifer / April 28, 2004 2:07 PM

i've been temping for 5 years.

if that's not a joke, i don't know what is.

amyc / April 28, 2004 2:21 PM

What's black and white and red and crawls on the ground?

A wounded nun.

Andrew / April 28, 2004 2:38 PM

What's black and white and read all over?

The Morning News.

Well, and us.

I only know bad jokes.

Stewart / April 28, 2004 2:43 PM

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Jake / April 28, 2004 2:51 PM

Q: What did the worm say to the caterpillar? A: Who'd you have to fuck to get that fur coat?

davin / April 28, 2004 2:57 PM

how do you scare an rabbit who is an individual?

unique up on it.

(funnier if i say it rather than type it)

dan / April 28, 2004 3:01 PM

Q: Why is Cinderella so terrible at baseball?

A: She's got a pumpkin for a coach, and she runs away from the ball.

Ian / April 28, 2004 3:54 PM

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a motorcycle?

The location of the dirtbag.

donna / April 28, 2004 3:55 PM

q: heard about the new restaurant on the moon?

a: great food, no atmosphere.

dan / April 28, 2004 4:05 PM

Q: How do you circumcize a whale?

A: 4 skin divers.

Jen / April 28, 2004 4:12 PM

Q: Why do farts stink?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

Beth / April 28, 2004 4:13 PM

Two silk worms were in a race.

It ended in a tie.

ken / April 28, 2004 4:25 PM

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into the bar. they sit down and the bartender says "what is this, a joke?"

daruma / April 28, 2004 4:49 PM

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

What kind of bees make milk?


Xan / April 28, 2004 4:51 PM

Why do squirrels sleep on their stomachs?

To keep their nuts warm.

waleeta / April 28, 2004 5:35 PM

How do you make a dead baby float?

Add two scoops of ice cream and some root beer.

Alice (who's heard all the rabbit jokes) / April 28, 2004 5:56 PM


And, how do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it.

A lex / April 28, 2004 8:32 PM

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Daruma, THAT is my most favorite joke in the entire world, and were you not a friend of mine I would have arm wrassled you for posting it first.

My second runner-up:

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Kenan / April 28, 2004 9:06 PM

Q: What did the zebra say to the strawberry?

A: If you touch my wife I'll fucking kill you.

Kevin / April 28, 2004 11:29 PM

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: A fish.

Kevin / April 28, 2004 11:31 PM

I had a job in the circus; circumsizing elephants.

The pay sucked but the tips were huge!

Kevin / April 28, 2004 11:35 PM

Man 1: The other day I was crossing the street and a car skidded and Uhhhhhhh I shit my pants, it came so close.

Man 2: "Well fear is a normal reaction in that situation, don't you think?"

Man 1: "No, no you don't understand. Just now? when I went "uhhhhhh", I shit my pants."

Ben / April 28, 2004 11:41 PM

Q: How many designers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Does it have to be a light bulb?

B! / April 29, 2004 7:18 AM

Q: What's better than a dozen roses on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ.

This is my super #1 favorite joke in the whole world! Wahoo!

Kevin-I totally laughed out loud staring at my computer screen this morn from the pants shit joke-priceless.

holden / April 29, 2004 8:15 AM

Why do mermaids wear sea-shells?

Because B-shells would be too small.
(better if spoken)

Why did the golfer need a new pair of pants?

Because he got a hole in one.

Pete / April 29, 2004 8:25 AM

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face?"

Jonathan / April 29, 2004 8:40 AM

A guy walks into a bar with slabs of meat hanging from the ceiling. He walks up, orders a beer and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. The bartender says: "If you can jump up and pull down a piece of meat, everyone in this bar buys you a drink. If you fail, you buy everyone else a drink."

He sips his beer, thinks about it. The bartender returns and asks, "So, wanna give it a shot?"

"Nah," says the man. "The steaks are too high."

Anne / April 29, 2004 10:06 AM

The god Thor is feeling lonely one day, so he disguises himself as a mortal and picks up a chick in a bar. They have great, vigorous, acrobatic sex all night long. In the morning he feels guilty because he hasn't told her his true identity, so he says, "I have to confess something to you. I'm Thor." She says, "YOU'RE Thor? I'm tho thor I can't even pith!"

Matt / April 29, 2004 10:06 AM

Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

robin.. / April 29, 2004 10:13 AM

this termite walks into a bar and says, "is the bar tender here?"

and my new favourite one liner: a baby seal walks into a club...

wocka wocka wocka.

suz / April 29, 2004 10:29 AM

not so much a joke but still "funny"
somebody says : it's raining dogs and cats out there.
somebody else says : careful, don't step in a poodle!

get it? poodle,puddle? get it??
also,this only works when it's one can imagine.

'That Ian' / April 29, 2004 12:19 PM

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.

Joe / April 29, 2004 1:45 PM

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey! We don't serve food here!"

Two atoms are walking down the street. One says "I think I lost an electron". The second one says "Are you sure?" The first one says "Yes, I'm positive"

Pete / April 29, 2004 1:56 PM

Skeleton walks into a bar. Says "Give me a beer and a mop."

choir boy / April 30, 2004 3:19 PM

what is black and white and red and can't make right turns in an elevator?

a nun with a harpoon through her head!

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