Andrew / May 29, 2007 9:41 AM

Question suggested by Roseann.

avant/chicago / May 29, 2007 10:23 AM

I've learned that no matter how amazing the party was, somebody else was at a better one!

mike-ts / May 29, 2007 10:26 AM

1) Sins of omission can be as bad as sins of commission. Remember our regrets thread a week or so ago.

2) Being a stand-up friend or relative who is always there for the other when they're down on their luck does not ensure reciprocity when the roles are reversed and they're up and I'm down.

3) We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. That explains all of the cognitive dissonance out there, as well as the nostalgia.

4) Time does fly by more quickly as one gets older.

5) All the good ones are taken.

Mike K / May 29, 2007 10:26 AM

We are all a lot more alike than different.

Power corrupts

Cats suck

Life is so much easier when I'm healthy (not smoking, eating right and lots of exercise).

My son Victor is my purpose for living

Kenny Rogers / May 29, 2007 10:49 AM

Every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser, and the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

skafiend / May 29, 2007 11:03 AM

1. Never run for a bus. 9 times out of 10 it will leave with you standing there looking like an idiot and they're almost always another one coming.

2. On a related note, if you don't want to be late, get up earlier. Thinking that your bus or train will arrive at the same time every day and take X number of minutes to get there every day is a recipie for disaster.

3. He who hesitates is lost. Found that one out by sitting in bars, debating whether to start a conversation with a woman only to see her leave or get pick up by another man.

4. Don't it always seems to go, that you don't know what you got till it's gone (that would make a good song lyric...)

5. Trying to please everyone usually leaves you as the only one unhappy.

dan / May 29, 2007 11:07 AM

-don't shit where you eat.

oketo! / May 29, 2007 11:14 AM

1) Just when you've seen or heard it all, something else comes along

2) No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

3) Unclip both bike pedals!

sd / May 29, 2007 11:22 AM

Great Question.

1. If you want something done, do it yourself.

2. Approach someone with kindness when you need something...they're much more likely to help you out (especially with calling customer service).

3. If you don't get the answer you're looking for the first time around when calling customer service, call again. Most times you'll reach the right person who will get you what you want.

4. Almost everyone smokes pot.

mike / May 29, 2007 11:24 AM

Be skeptical, but not cynical.

carrie / May 29, 2007 11:31 AM

-never date a cokehead
-don't like/want to date a house dj
-it's ok to ask for help

this is it for now

Angie / May 29, 2007 11:31 AM

Trust your instincts.

oketo! / May 29, 2007 11:32 AM

oh and... never challenge an editor to a game of Scrabble!

Baldeesh / May 29, 2007 11:51 AM

There is no "magic bullet."
Getting rich quick, losing weight now, etc. is all bullshit. Want to be rich? Spend less than you make and invest. Want to lose weight? Diet and exercise.

Oh, sure, you can get lucky, but don't bet on it.

I've also learned that it's much healthier to just admit that there are people that you hate. Forcing myself to try to forgive those who have hurt me in ways I couldn't imagine just wasn't happening.

I'll forgive on my deathbed, fuckers.

From my mom - "If it was really important, you would have taken care of it!" So now I take care of my stuff.

Oketo! / May 29, 2007 12:10 PM

Everything impacts you in some way - even the lack of something happening, the lack of a reaction/response or the mere instance of nothing happening is something happening - and it will impact you.

Josh / May 29, 2007 12:36 PM

1. There is no such thing as karma. Sometimes the good guys lose and the bad guys win.

2. The most thankless job of all is being the boss. If you hate your boss, just wait until you become one.

3. People who succeed at something are usually not the smartest, the fastest, the strongest, or the nicest - they're simply the most consistent.

4. Successful relationships are rooted in compromise, not honesty.

5. The only thing worth worrying about is your mortality. Every other problem in life is petty compared to that.

6. Those people whom you think are always going to be your best friends often fade away someday.

Toni / May 29, 2007 12:39 PM

1. Sooner or later, people will always reveal themselves.

2. You really can't go home again.

And I have to second mike-ts':

3) We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. That explains all of the cognitive dissonance out there, as well as the nostalgia.

adam / May 29, 2007 12:53 PM

These are all great. I vote we collect them into a self-help book and split the inevitable millions. My $0.02:

1. People think about you far less than you imagine they do, so don't worry about what they think so much.

2. Talk really IS cheap.

3. It's better to reach a bit too far and make a mistake than to always play it safe.

4. If s/he doesn't call you back, it means s/he really isn't interested.

5. Don't make too many long-range plans.

Rich / May 29, 2007 12:59 PM

1.) You can pick your friends

2.) You can pick your nose

3.) But you can't pick your friend's nose

mike / May 29, 2007 1:03 PM

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."

FDR

Jim Croce / May 29, 2007 1:22 PM

-Don't tug on Superman's cape -Don't spit into the wind
-Don't pull the Lone Ranger's mask off
-Don't mess around with Jim

Steve / May 29, 2007 1:32 PM

I've learned to let it go. Feels good to do so.

And -- the vast majority of people you know who used to be a little crazy have since become full-on bonkers.

Allan / May 29, 2007 1:36 PM

Over many years and countless tears I have learned that some people are your friends and others are your enemies but most people have no idea that you even exist. You will spend most of your life trying to get these people to acknowledge your inherent value as a human being but you will eventually realize that this is pointless and start eating to make yourself feel better, then you get fat.

grey area / May 29, 2007 1:39 PM

you can stand under my umberella ella ella eh eh eh

JohnnyQ / May 29, 2007 2:04 PM

Time spent on a computer, is time not spent on a bike, in the garden, on a walk, etc.

--> e-life, saps the real life.

Allan / May 29, 2007 2:17 PM

If you are fortunate enough to have an old lady to bone, make sure you bone her at least once a day, because one day you may not be so fortunate and you'll will wish you had.

Even though mayonnaise at the store is not refrigerated when you buy it and get it home you do have to refrigerate it after you open it or it will go bad.

spook / May 29, 2007 2:25 PM

never give any thing to the tin man, unless he already has it of course

Never bring a knife to a gun fight or a sock either

printdude / May 29, 2007 2:30 PM

Everybody knows something that I myself, do not.

Good work is easy to see when it is far in the past.

Love cannot be overestimated.

There is no substitute for experience.

Indigocrush / May 29, 2007 2:33 PM

1-Don't write checks your butt can't cash.

2-Trust your gut.

3-Call your mom and tell her you love her. The day will come when you won't be able to and you'll regret the times you didn't call.

4-If it seems like a bad idea, it usually is.

5-Life will always surprise you.

speedy1469 / May 29, 2007 2:42 PM

Good work/writing/clothing/speaking doesn't stand out, but bad work will always stand out and being remembered.

skafiend / May 29, 2007 2:44 PM

When chasing a road runner and you accidentially run off a cliff, never look down.

When hunting rabbits, don't be fooled into thinking it's a real woman just because it puts on a dress. It's still a rabbit, so go ahead and shoot it.

That black tunnel you painted on the big boulder? Everyone will be able to run through it but you.

Never, NEVER buy anythinbg from Acme.

n / May 29, 2007 3:03 PM

Assume goodwill.

People have to want to change.

And my mother's favorite: you can do it even if you don't want to. (Amazingly appropriate to the work world.)

leah / May 29, 2007 3:08 PM

You're the only one really looking out for you.

Appleby / May 29, 2007 3:13 PM

You cannot waste time, you can only waste yourself.

I don't have an open mind on many subjects, and that's fine.

Most of the things that other people tell you that you have to do (read this book, see this movie, go to this place, etc.) you don't have to do. They aren't important at all.

ac / May 29, 2007 3:19 PM

if you smile first, people will generally smile back, and also, they will remember you

kate / May 29, 2007 3:24 PM

Worrying solves nothing.

The only thing better than a cold beer is a free beer.

Brown cola works wonders for all kinds of ailments.

Listen to your friend Billy Zane.

Judy / May 29, 2007 3:25 PM

wisdom I learned from my pop:

Never bet on lucky horse #7.
Don't play cards with a man named Doc.
Vinnie did it.

amy / May 29, 2007 4:13 PM

You can choose to be happy.

amy / May 29, 2007 4:13 PM

You can choose to be happy.

amy / May 29, 2007 4:13 PM

You can choose to be happy.

amy / May 29, 2007 4:20 PM

Another one . . .

If your job was supposed to be enjoyable all of the time, they wouldn't have to pay you to do it.

skafiend / May 29, 2007 4:31 PM

If you act like you don't care and look the other way, your computer will stop doing that weird thing it's doing and complete whatever command you gave it...

ken / May 29, 2007 4:32 PM

Work (as in job/career) isn't everything.

Smile.

Breathe.

Listen.

Roseann / May 29, 2007 4:47 PM

Plan as if you will live forever, live as if you will die tomorrow.

Mindy / May 29, 2007 5:03 PM

live and learn

Mikey / May 29, 2007 5:16 PM

1) I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

2) Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. ~ Benjamin Franklin

3) When grilling steak, never pierce or cut into it to check for "doneness" (you'll only lose juices and dry out the steak); use the "poke" test instead...

Leelah / May 29, 2007 6:19 PM

According to my hero, Kurt Vonnegut, "There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- 'God damn it, you've got to be kind.'"

printdude / May 29, 2007 6:44 PM

You are only as good as the last deal you have made.

Bob / May 29, 2007 9:54 PM

"Don't take life so serious, son. It ain't nohow permanent."

— Walt Kelly (1939 – 1973)

Ramsin / May 29, 2007 10:36 PM

Everybody is trying to rob you all the time.

The reason men always say women aren't funny is because they don't like being around funny women, so they never actually meet any.

You can't trick somebody into liking you back.

Your life is not your own.

White people. They got a whole lot goin on.

Do you.

jennifer / May 29, 2007 11:24 PM

somewhere along the line of development we discover who we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else’s life not even your child’s. the influence you exert is through your own life and what you become yourself.

-e. roosevelt

PMan / May 29, 2007 11:27 PM

Don't burn bridges, no matter how good you think it would feel.

Girls like a guy to dress a little better than his instincts would dictate.

p / May 29, 2007 11:38 PM

Judge Not...

Do Unto Others...

Count Your Blessings.

Go past what's easy/comfortable.

Go tell that girl she oughta stay out the frozen foods aisle because She. Could. Melt. All. The. Stuff.

Don't be cheap.

Don't take life for granted.

Don't place undue importance on trifling bullshit.

Don't put things off, do it today.

If you're acting like a self-absorbed asshole try to stop it or at least temper it.

Know that Quizno's and Pockets' are disgusting and if they don't stop polluting my city they might like to get dealt with.

"the rule of rules: no whining. ever. nobody gives a shit."

"el unico cosa que yo se es yo se nada."

editorkid / May 30, 2007 9:28 AM

If you're an editor, be humble after trouncing someone at Scrabble. Especially if you don't have an unbrella.

editorkid / May 30, 2007 9:28 AM

If you're an editor, be humble after trouncing someone at Scrabble. Especially if you don't have an umbrella.

editorkid / May 30, 2007 9:30 AM

If you haven't had coffee yet and you're calling yourself an editor, proofread. Even if it's just an in-joke on an Internet forum.

sparky / May 30, 2007 10:01 AM

Never take anyone or any situation for granted.

Do not hesitate to tell someone how you really feel. They may be gone tomorrow.

Listen closely.

Try not to have any regrets. Let it go.

Pay attention to even the most ordinary moments between you and the one you love. Most often, that is where you will find the good stuff.

Love others. Love yourself. As Vonnegut stated: "There is love enough in this world for everyone, if people just look."

Jill / May 30, 2007 10:02 AM

When out with friends, it's much easier and less stressful to split the bill evenly. Even if they ordered more than you, it'll probably even out the next time around.

kate / May 30, 2007 10:29 AM

Be generous with the hugs.

JT / May 30, 2007 10:34 AM

What goes around comes back around.

sd / May 30, 2007 10:43 AM

I second Sparky's advice - never take anything for granted. Just because you have it today doesn't mean it will be there tomorrow. Appreciate what you have.

Also, be self-sufficient. The better you can stand on your own, the better off you'll be when someone leaves you standing on your own.

Hard work does pay off.

Quit worrying about what other people might be saying about you. They don't spend as much time thinking about you as you think.

Tobermory / May 30, 2007 10:45 AM

Before you call (once, twice or maybe even three times) an old boyfriend when you know he won't be home to just listen to his voice on the answering machine, make sure he doesn't have Caller ID.

sparky / May 30, 2007 11:16 AM

SD: You're right, being self-sufficient and independent is so important.It reminded me of what a friend told me once: If you want to see a movie, go. If you want to eat dinner out, it's okay to go alone. Never wait for someone else to buy you flowers. Don't be afraid to be alone.

emmy / May 30, 2007 11:52 AM

Show, don't tell-Mr. Carey, Senior year English Teacher

It's just your ego & that will repair itself in time-My Dad

Listening is underrated.

David / May 30, 2007 12:52 PM

If you're a guy and you're arguing with a girl, you cannot possibly win. If you think you're right, you've already lost.

No matter how cool you think you are, there's someone out there who thinks you suck.

Never. Ever. Wear underwear.

eep / May 30, 2007 1:14 PM

Always listen to that little voice in the back of your head. The little voice is never wrong.

Neither is your gut. Trust it.

Lauren / May 30, 2007 1:31 PM

Don't buy a couch with buttons on it.

spook / May 30, 2007 2:40 PM

If your flock of sheep get skittish when they hear the name, Allan, perhaps they have a legitimate/real reason!

Allan / May 30, 2007 3:17 PM

If your mother tells you that you are full of shit, She is probably right.

If you are at a restaurant never send anything back to the kitchen because who ever has to drop what they are doing to fix your precious meal to you liking will definitely pick their ass or scratch their balls before handling your food, or worse.

Just because a girls shows you here bajongas or rubs her petutie on you does not means she likes you or is even interested in you. Some girls just like making men want them for some strange reason.

Do not believe anything I tell you, everything I say is a lie including this statement.

Dave / May 30, 2007 4:24 PM

Not nearly enough.

bucky / May 30, 2007 4:43 PM

oh jill, i have to disagree. when out with friends, remember what you order and pay for it. all of it. plus tip. don't force others to 'split the cost' for all those drinks you had when all they had was the cheapest thing on the menu. just be considerate and your friends will thank you for it.

amy / May 30, 2007 5:45 PM

I've learned that when I'm out with a group and someone starts seperating the bill out item by item and we get into that whole "we are $10 short, who hasn't thrown in?" or "did everyone put in a tip?" discussion - that it's worth it to just throw in the additional $10 myself to get everyone to shut up about it.

fluffy / May 30, 2007 5:45 PM

-don't trust anyone-

at work, just be your "work-self' and not your real self.

Don't say anything unless someone asks.

do not eat bacos - the farts it causes are putrid

aj / May 30, 2007 6:24 PM

The genetic lottery is an inherently unfair system.

Jill / May 30, 2007 7:06 PM

Bucky, I've been on the Amy side a lot --people put in what they "think" they owe and the total ends up being short or you're stuck with the idea of giving a crummy tip.
If I end up ordering way more than other people, I'll definitely throw in more to cover my share. Likewise, if someone in the group orders way less, I'll also think they shouldn't chip in as much--or if I know the friend has money issues, figuring out what everyone owes is not a problem.

I just don't like it when you go out with the same group a lot and people get bent out of shape over one person ordering a second beer or something. It takes longer to figure out everyone's tab than it does for me to throw in an extra buck. I know at some point I'll be the one getting the extra beer.

a / May 30, 2007 8:58 PM

1. antacids really will make you feel better.
2. smile at your neighbors.
3. it's ok to say "no" when people ask you of favors every now and then

Judy / May 30, 2007 9:24 PM

forgive youself

jj / May 30, 2007 11:19 PM

Nothing is permanent, and you can always change if you want to.

moody / May 31, 2007 8:45 AM

a smile goes a long way

even family that loves you may not have your best interests in mind…in other words: look out for yourself cuz no one else will

basic manners make like so much more pleasant for those around you and for you too

when you listen to other people's complaints, you are a great friend. when it's your turn to share your gripes, you are viewed as a whiner…

do unto others as you would have them do to you…but don't expect others to reciprocate (you'll live life in perpetual disappointment otherwise)

skafiend / May 31, 2007 12:07 PM

Generally speaking, that "If it's meant to be, it will happen" stuff is crap. YOU can make it happen if you want. YOU control what is "meant to be". If there's something that you have some input into, then YOU have the ability to make it happen or not happen.

Damn, sounding like Dr. Phil and shit...

sara / May 31, 2007 12:19 PM

Fresh flowers are gonna die. But if you focus on their transience, thereby deeming them "a waste of money," then you really don't understand anything about life.

Veronica / May 31, 2007 12:22 PM

If he were "perfect" for you, he would be with you.

E.P. / May 31, 2007 12:33 PM

* The pain you feel of a deceased loved one never goes away. You'll get used to it, though.

* The best way to stay healthy is to be happy and maintain a positive outlook whenever possible.

* A woman is usually her own worst enemy.

* Nobody is really better than anybody else. All you can hope for is NOT to be unlucky.

* Being in your 20s sucks. You'll see, once they're over.

emyduck / May 31, 2007 12:37 PM

1. don't worry........be happy.

2. you're the only one who pays such close attention to you.

3. if you really put your mind to something, sometimes you still can't do it.

4. plans change. and that's ok.

Narendra3 / May 31, 2007 12:43 PM

Losers always whine about their "best." Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

bz / May 31, 2007 1:03 PM

The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things [and people] in the face and know them for what they are. -Marcus Aurelius

85% of what we worry about happening does not happen.

Detach with love. It's worth the effort.

The only thing you can compare yourself to is a past version of yourself. To compare yourself with anyone else is like comparing apples to oranges.

Clover / May 31, 2007 1:17 PM

It's better to be lucky than good.

skafiend / May 31, 2007 1:24 PM

Other lessons I've learned:

Don't sleep in the subway

Walk like a man

You can't hurry love

Push it real good

Eric / May 31, 2007 1:27 PM

There's no such thing as too much lube, but there is such a thing as not enough.

ac / May 31, 2007 2:54 PM

When you're running late on the cta, you cannot keep checking the time -it will only make you more frustrated, it won't make you less late.

I guess the larger lesson is to just let go of things not in your control.

ac / May 31, 2007 2:58 PM

'tis more gratifying to be good than to be lucky

shermann / May 31, 2007 3:18 PM

You make your own happiness.

Sometimes it is better to let go.

Sometimes it is better to give in.

Sometimes things don't work out the way you planned, and that's ok.

What doesn't break you down makes you stronger and wiser as long as you learn from your mistakes.

Spook / May 31, 2007 4:15 PM

if your not sure if its four our five, including your guy, bring shot guns

Yoda / May 31, 2007 4:44 PM

Do or do not. There is no try.

curiousshopper / May 31, 2007 5:47 PM

You're only as good as your last post.

peanut / May 31, 2007 7:20 PM

"each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart" (swami kripalu)

or, like the man said, "take it easy on yourse-e-e-e-ellllllf"

cory / May 31, 2007 7:39 PM

That we are mortal and there is no heaven to go to. Nor hell. Deal with it.

p / May 31, 2007 9:05 PM

heaven resiiiiides between cory's thiiiiiighs.

and i'm tryin' to go there- get at me!!

cheer up kids- it can't be as bad as all that. fitness and hedonism and summer in chicago can perk up spirits!! Holla, p

Emerson Dameron / May 31, 2007 9:19 PM

"Self-mockery is the foundation of an inconquerable ego." - Jeff Koyen

kelly / May 31, 2007 9:26 PM

Karma does exist, and yes it will bite you in the ass if you don't take it into consideration every now and again.

Lori / June 1, 2007 12:23 AM

Move it or lose it.