Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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Andrew / April 19, 2007 12:08 PM

Inspired by Esquire's list, but you don't have to limit yourself to that -- be creative!

printdude / April 19, 2007 12:10 PM

My hotdog and coffee diet.

My agonizing over every Cub detail.

My sedentary ways, interupted only by occaisional fits of golfing.

Leelah / April 19, 2007 12:21 PM

Viral laryngitis. If it doesn't go away soon, I may kill myself.

Dunl / April 19, 2007 12:38 PM

Time. Oh, and age. (Depending on how you look at it, though, I guess you could every day my life's actually a day longer than it was the day before...)

kate / April 19, 2007 12:39 PM

My status as a bit of a drunk and a dedicated smoker.

The fact that I don't give a shit (though perhaps my breezy nature will extend my life beyond the highstrung folks').

drunken bicycle wrecks,
insatiable giardiniera addiction,
cubs fandom.

skafiend / April 19, 2007 12:43 PM

Worrying about dying...

Ta-daaaaa: Irony!

Bill V / April 19, 2007 12:43 PM

Breathing the air of Chicago. And beer. And work. I'm thinking of getting rid of one of those, probably the latter.

Mikey / April 19, 2007 12:53 PM

Cigarettes...weekend binge drinking...lack of sleep...not enough of Italian beef, steaks, Italian and other various types of stress...

steven / April 19, 2007 12:55 PM


jaymce / April 19, 2007 12:55 PM


Pedro / April 19, 2007 1:03 PM

Those who try to protect me from myself

leah / April 19, 2007 1:05 PM

lack of lolcats on

jt / April 19, 2007 1:12 PM

the people who live above me. they have two 90 lbs dogs that wrestle so much it shakes my ceiling and walls. sure, maybe the floors are thinner than they should be, but if you're going to have two 90 lbs dogs (that wrestle!) you need to (a) move to the country, or (b) at least live on the ground floor.

vit / April 19, 2007 1:19 PM

my student loans

skafiend / April 19, 2007 1:28 PM

My love of trans fats...

p / April 19, 2007 1:48 PM

quod me nutrit me destruit

"the life", pushing my body to the limit...then pushing further into the abyss of physique chiselment, loving the love of bad bad shorties, smoking when out- despite "quitting" over 2 yrs. ago, mezcal, the ethel burger, haterz, temperz, dares, booing, jumping off things, being honest, night swims, hot sauces/salsas picantes..

and of course the giardianerr. recently took it down to Mild, and i've found it doesn't dominate the overall taste as much. i feel shame when i say Mild tho.

a / April 19, 2007 1:52 PM

Report card pick up day/night. These arm twisting parents are sending my blood pressure through the roof!

Carrie / April 19, 2007 1:55 PM

The fact that instead of drinking a glass of wine, I drink the whole bottle.

quack / April 19, 2007 1:56 PM

HPV and Oreos.

mike / April 19, 2007 2:01 PM


Hundreds and hundreds of cheeseburgers.

lisa / April 19, 2007 2:03 PM

my inability... it's less inability and more disdain..t0 eat anything red, green, orange, or yellow - hold the veggies. i look like a zombie.

worrying that i'll never get over my ex. he can't be the ONE if he left me, right?

finding a balance between debt and freedom.

leelah / April 19, 2007 2:15 PM

once again, a, I am with you...

it's extra fun being at report card pick up with no voice...

avant/Chicago / April 19, 2007 2:21 PM

This is too easy but very true - Bush Administration policies! Also i think all these Jager Bombs aren't helping -

andrew / April 19, 2007 2:40 PM

grad school. which is sad, actually, because it also delays my entry into the workforce, so i'll have less time total to pay off student debt and, you know, experience life without being constantly broke.

jasmine / April 19, 2007 2:50 PM

the internet.
not dancing enough.
saying yes when i should say no.

tr / April 19, 2007 2:59 PM

Frank Kruesi.

Wait, nevermind.

chubs / April 19, 2007 3:07 PM

the triple threat: sugar/flour/butter.

d. / April 19, 2007 3:41 PM

stress, caffeine, alcohol. strangely enough i eat healthy for the most part, exercise 5 - 7 times a week.

and women -- sometimes i think they'll be the death of me too.

Erica / April 19, 2007 3:49 PM

I love peanut butter. Just love it.

I love beer, too.

I'll live a short, happy life of beer and pb. And that's OK.

Shasta MacNasty / April 19, 2007 4:21 PM

grapenut and chocolate cake ice cream.

my tendency to being stuck-on-stupid.

Jill / April 19, 2007 4:23 PM

tr: LOVE your answer!

High fructose corn syrup will be the death of me. And a love of bacon and fried potatoes. Mmmmm....bacon.....

And I care way too much about work, but I'm trying not to.

vanessa / April 19, 2007 4:43 PM

Lisa: I feel the exact same way about my ex. Sucks doesn't it?

For the rest of it:

My White Sox, when they do poorly.
Ultra right wing conservatives that procreate.
Stupid people that procreate.
George Bush, George Bush and George Bush.

Mindy / April 19, 2007 5:08 PM

my boss.

Steve / April 19, 2007 5:12 PM

The crappy performances of all three of my fantasy baseball teams. If I had the same guys on every team it would be one thing, but to have assembled three different squads that are each in the bottom half of the standings leaves me feeling like a Grinder.

Dutch101 / April 19, 2007 5:43 PM


candida / April 19, 2007 6:53 PM

The CTA Red Line going North in the AM. It's slow as fuck.

Emerson Dameron / April 19, 2007 7:27 PM

Racing thoughts. 12-hour workdays. Engrams.

Sue / April 19, 2007 9:08 PM

My weight and worrying...

Julie / April 19, 2007 9:21 PM

My total lack of any self discipline whatsoever. And the money-spending, early-morning-clubbing, not-thinking-about-college-work that goes with it.

Thinking about it gives me insomnia. / April 20, 2007 3:27 AM

beyond the normal enchiladas/whiskey/smoking/not sleeping enough nonsense, i think what'll really end me early is stressing out over how people in my neighborhood cannot seem to park in a correct (and thoughtful) manner.

seriously... pull all the way up or back to the curb/yellow line, you're wasting valuable space! and if you see enough room for two cars, don't park in the middle of the whole damn thing. it drives me abso-freakin-lutely crazy!

mistershankly / April 20, 2007 3:31 AM

what'll also end me early is accidentally posting my email address so that the spam spiders will send me even more bologna.

Tobermory / April 20, 2007 8:22 AM

The remodeling project at my home that has been going on for 5 years. 5 freakin' years and the end still isn't in sight. This is what happens when you let your perfectionist spouse do all the work.

Sol / April 20, 2007 9:46 AM

Drinking old ass wine at work at 10 in the morning. What up.

sky / April 20, 2007 10:00 AM

Smoking. And smoking 10,000 cigarettes more when I'm drinking. Which has been quite a bit lately.

And what do I crave either drunk or hungover? Cheese. I love me some cheese. Especially Macaroni and Cheese. It's a sickness really. This is all just oh so very cyclical and cause and effectual.

ken / April 20, 2007 10:25 AM

George Bush.
The fact that we will end up with Mit Romney (Bullworth) due to the fact that the Dumocrats won't get it together enough to have one solid candidate just like last time, the Republicans see this and will unite behind one Mit and we will be screwed.
Copious amounts of wine.
Work, work and more work.
All the meds, even though they are fun, for my deteriorating back (osteo, herniations, degeneration)
Lack of exercise (thanks to my back).
Addiction to Adrenaline Rush.
Constant need to tiptoe on the edge and take everything to the extreme (probably cause of back issues)
Pizza, Pizza more Pizza.
Midnight Milkshakes.
Inhalation of paint/turp fumes.
Overhead florescent lighting.
Heavy metals and arsenic in my drinking water. (Thanks Bush)
Mad Cow Disease.
Climate change.
Switching back to being a meat-eater from vegetarian (I blame a wayward gyro).
Staring at a computer screen 16 hours a day.
Breathing the air.
That disease my co-workers seem to carry and the recycled air in my building seems to spread.
Reality TV.
The book I'll never finish.
and on and on and on and on.....

Josh / April 20, 2007 10:48 AM

* Cigarettes.
* Red wine.
* Pizza.
* Steak.
* Cheeseburgers & french fries.
* Stress from dealing with bad drivers and inconsiderate patrons at various checkout aisles.

I do remember, though, to take the time to savor and enjoy all the vices that will be the death of me someday.

ramsin / April 20, 2007 10:55 AM


loadzone / April 20, 2007 11:01 AM

everything. all of it.

shechemist / April 20, 2007 11:13 AM

if my social smoking doesn't kill me, my 13 month daughter will.

oh and assholes that bike down the sidewalk when there is a freaking bike lane. At 6:30 in the morning no less. Dude, if you don't have the confidence to bike in a bike lane, biking to work is not for you. Grow some balls and bike on the street like an adult.

AD / April 20, 2007 11:26 AM

The stress of trying to sell my condo so I can move to Seattle. I have a final set of major job interviews - dream job at dream company - on Monday and if I get it, then I'm going regardless. Sometimes I start hyperventilating at the thought of a mortgage and rent but I don't mind my life being shortened by a little bit of this stress if it means I get to create a whole new life for myself in Seattle.

Hal / April 20, 2007 11:27 AM

My complete lack of exercise these days, with my crappy eating habits.

spook / April 20, 2007 11:32 AM

every other week
Weekend drink’n bouts, spahire tonics, Guiness extra Stout, Tequila,
as if I’m Russian son!
Ridding new Vespa while hammered with head phones on.
Ten hour work days in the belly of the beast, while simultaneously trying to bring down the system from with in.
Cowardly democrats
Red Eye reading sports addicted complacent conformist nation!
The friction/fire of brainyac but “out there” women -I know look who’s talking- that I chase
working out with x cons three times my weight
not drinking enough water
being utterly insane and having the temerity
to actually be happy with it, yo

Its it Friday yet cause I'm thirsty!!!!!!!!!

ken / April 20, 2007 11:33 AM

shechemist -

I couldn't agree with you more.
Bikes don't belong on the sidewalk - period. I actually was run over walking in the morning cattle drive from Union Station and sure enough here comes Mr. I'm So Cool I Ride A Fixie riding against the flow, can't stop 'cause no brakes, loses balance, and as I try to move out of his dumb ass way, he flings himself bike and all, right at me. Add that to the list of stuff causing me back problems. Ughhh! Those idiots drive me nuts!

the pet / April 20, 2007 11:42 AM

Working 2 jobs (one's fine, the other... pain in the ass)
My upstairs neighbor and his penchant for suddenly watching TV in the middle of the night with the volume turned way the fuck up

Shasta MacNasty / April 20, 2007 11:51 AM

being moderated. what's up with that?

Spencer / April 20, 2007 12:06 PM

It'll probably 3+ extra dirty martinis I get post work on Fridays. Damn, they are good. But, they turn me into a fool of mass proportions (FMP) by 9pm spewing incoherent political meanderings to anyone not smart enough to get away. Saturdays, I spend most of the day cursing myself.

anna / April 20, 2007 12:33 PM

My colleagues, miscommunication, and two, combined.

Maribeth / April 20, 2007 1:57 PM

Another 4 years of Alderman Berny Stone.

jen / April 20, 2007 2:19 PM

taking a job that clearly doesn't suit my skills, my personality or my threshold for stupidity.

Toni / April 20, 2007 2:38 PM

French Fried Pataters
Sitting at a computer the whole damn day long.

C / April 20, 2007 2:50 PM


mary / April 20, 2007 3:10 PM

horrible tv. that cheeseburger i had last night. friends that are, at best, unreliable.

fluffy / April 20, 2007 4:44 PM

time and chemicals

fluffy / April 20, 2007 4:44 PM

but mostly, lack of inspiration

Brandy / April 20, 2007 8:04 PM

The extra weight I'm carrying. Stress from taking a lot of things very seriously.

But in the grand scheme of things, I'm in darn good, non-risky shape.

Brandy / April 20, 2007 8:22 PM

Oh wait. That wasn't very creative. Um...

• Mainlining Peeps
• Loving all smoked foods
• Daydreaming about smoked Peeps
• moving heavy furniture w/o assistance
• yelling at litterers on the streets

mike / April 21, 2007 5:17 PM

Late 20 somethings and early 30 somethings who only talk about rock- music and condo mortgages.

mitzi / April 21, 2007 6:12 PM

the blissfully ignorant

s / April 21, 2007 7:16 PM

duck fat fries

me / April 22, 2007 4:19 AM

having no place to live in a few weeks.

Jay Jay / April 22, 2007 5:03 PM

law school, cheese, and cigarettes

Andrew / April 22, 2007 10:34 PM

Shasta: We don't actively moderate comments. You tripped the spamblocker with your links -- sorry about that. I've published your post.

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