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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Wednesday, April 17

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Dubi Kaufmann / August 24, 2009 1:44 AM

Is there a way to answer this question without coming across as a narcissist?

m / August 24, 2009 6:53 AM

maybe linda cardellini? i used to hear she looked like me all the time. although i think that was just because when i had short hair i looked like velma from scooby doo.

paul / August 24, 2009 9:13 AM

I'm not sure who'd play me (I looked like Eric Stoltz when I was younger, but these days he'd need as much make-up as he had on in "Mask") although I'd want Charlie Kaufman to write the screenplay. I'd be cool to make everyone think I worked for the CIA.

David / August 24, 2009 9:16 AM

It would take a number of performers working together to help tell my life story.

At a minimum, I would need David Bowie, Efrem Zimbalist, Patti LuPone, Stephen Hawking, Raymond Chandler, and the reanimated corpse of Andre the Giant.

Obviously, it would be a musical.

Andrew Huff / August 24, 2009 9:56 AM

Whoops, meant to note: This question came to us courtesy of Steve. If you've got a good question for Fuel, send it to

Since I get so many "Wolverine" comments thanks to my sideburns, I guess Hugh Jackman ought to play me. I wish I were funny and devil-may-care enough for a young Bill Murray to have played me, but alas.

printdude / August 24, 2009 10:07 AM

This is a no-brainer.
Having been mistaken for him throughout my life, John Cusack would be the guy.
Although I'd probably have to pay him back for all those free drinks 1st.

Leigh Hanlon / August 24, 2009 10:18 AM

I'd be played by a "Poseidon Adventure"-era Gene Hackman.

annie / August 24, 2009 11:49 AM

I've been told my personality is like an American Bridget Jones, but I don't look like Rene Zellweger. I'm often told I look like Lindsay Lohen. I'd rather have Rene Zellweger play be though, b/c she can actually act and she doesn't appear to be a ho!

Mucky Fingers / August 24, 2009 11:49 AM

Under 35: (a young) Nicolas Cage - happy with being crazy inside my own orbit.

Over 35: Edward Norton - mellowed out, but still too petulant for the general public.

(Screenplay by Paul Schrader, nobody else is better at writing about angry brutes foolishly trying to fight the world.)

Guy Smiley / August 24, 2009 1:29 PM

Denzel...but nerded up a bit.

OK, a lot...

Dennis Fritz / August 24, 2009 1:59 PM

Jim Belushi.

lmy / August 24, 2009 3:04 PM

shannyn sossamon. i get her all the time and we're both kind of quirky chicks.

maardvark / August 24, 2009 5:56 PM

Sally Field, in drag.

jima / August 24, 2009 7:43 PM

Someone once said that Michael Keaton would play me in the movie, so I guess that's what it'll be.

tk / August 25, 2009 9:13 AM

joan cusack

snuh / August 25, 2009 9:21 AM

Brian Posehn in drag. Written & directed by James L. Brooks. It shall be called "It's a Wonderful Life, Too!"

p / August 25, 2009 11:29 AM

Jim J. Bullock

Steven / August 25, 2009 1:05 PM

Why Tallulah Bankhead dahling!

Spook / August 25, 2009 2:17 PM

The Comedian

Ellen / August 25, 2009 9:29 PM

Drew Barrymore-which is kind of scary if you know about my life, which doesn't seem to contain much of her typical "material." But, then, that would have to be the whole point of the flick.

A / August 26, 2009 9:06 AM

It would be an animated feature, and I'd be played by Daria.

Jasmine / August 26, 2009 11:01 AM

Daffy Duck.

G / August 26, 2009 11:01 AM

lmy: will you go out with me?

I'd have to make Donnie Basco put on a (slight) beer belly to play me.

tim / August 26, 2009 12:32 PM

Sam Worthington, my characters life goal would be to kill the band Brokencyde

Freight Train / August 26, 2009 4:07 PM

I'm gonna have to go with Jesus on this one

fluffy / August 26, 2009 7:43 PM

seymour phillip hoffman
lookswise: Sandra Bullock's ugly cousin

kelley / August 26, 2009 10:49 PM

maggie gyllenhall.

lmy / August 27, 2009 9:20 AM

G: who is donnie basco?

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