Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Tuesday, March 5

Gapers Block

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Andrew Huff / December 28, 2009 12:17 AM

Suggested by Carlotta. If you've got an idea for a Fuel question, send it to inbox at

Greg / December 28, 2009 9:57 AM

Obama: Start demonstrating some of that fierce advocacy that was promised.

Cyclists: Stop running stop signs/lights.

Bill Smith: Get a Joe Mauer deal done.

David / December 28, 2009 12:57 PM

I was gonna go for laffs here originally, but then I remembered an actual thing I want someone to resolve.

I want my in-laws to leave the ridiculous cult they're in. It's called the Wright Institute, and it's actually based here in Chicago. They're shadier than a snake's belly at midnight.

Every year my wife and I get emails from these in-laws, trying to get us to attend their WEEKEND-LONG (as in, no breaks or leaving, period) "free seminar." Even a cursory Google search will tell you these Wright Institute people are utter bullshit, but sadly our in-laws don't get it.

Dear In-Laws,

Go fuck a duck.

Tony / December 28, 2009 8:58 PM

I would like Mary Mitchell and Laura Washington to give up the idea that the County Board President has to be an African American.

Brubeck / December 29, 2009 10:46 AM

I would like JW, SA, and DE to experience five specific realizations: 1. They really do have a serious substance abuse problem. 2. Their health problems are a direct result of their drug and/or alcohol abuse. 3. They are all approaching 40, and timeliness is of the essence here. 4. They all need and deserve professional help. 5. They are all killing themselves.

Superficially speaking...I would like Roberto Mancini to provide brilliant leadership to Manchester City, and I wish Chicago Fire gets a new coach that does the same.

Nykeya / December 29, 2009 11:09 AM

I would LOVE to see less celebrity coverage in the upcoming year.

There was really just to much. Who gives a flying crap about Jon & Kate plus eight. I didn't. Why am I supposed to care about the Kardashians? I don't. Do I really care about Rihanna's every little step? I barely care about her, although I hope she says in good spirits.

There's just too much pointless information.

A. Lewellen / December 29, 2009 3:47 PM

I would like those who have the information to come clean about how the mayor really runs the city so people know the extent to which they are being screwed.

Such a pathetic embarassment / December 30, 2009 9:32 AM

I'd like to see our cowardly government actually support democracy and freedom around the world rather than throwing their support to dictators and tyrants in hopes that they will be "liked".

Iran is in full revolt, openly murdering citizens, and Obama is as quiet as a church mouse.

Leelah / December 31, 2009 12:08 AM

I'd like to see the City give the Chicago Police Department their long overdue contract (with retroactive pay).

Cheryl / January 3, 2010 2:48 PM

I'd like the mayor and Mary Dempsey to quit screwing over the public libraries.

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