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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Tuesday, March 5

Gapers Block

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Mikey / March 13, 2008 9:34 AM

A couple days ago, I overheard a younger grungy guy and girl behind me on the train talk about how high he was the night before--so much so that it wasn't even fun high...

They then went on to talk about another couple with whom they were friends--the girl wanted a relationship and the guy just wanted a fuck buddy. Ever since the first time though, she always had to initiate sex and undress him because he would just lay there (presumably stoned). And this same guy apparently liked to say, "That's crazy" a lot...

That's all I got, but it did help pass the time between the Belmont and Montrose stations...

Taylor / March 13, 2008 10:07 AM

/girl on cell phone passing in the opposite direction on Diversey near Clark.

"She's not a whore, she's an escort!"

I laughed.

A / March 13, 2008 10:11 AM

Last week I was at the NU library computer lab. Guy and girl at computer across from me were working on some class project together. Took me about 2 seconds to decide that Guy was the biggest dbag I'd ever witnessed. Started out with him talking about how he made $75,000 on the web before breakfast. They then bantered a bit about how they didn't want to be one of those lame idiots who have to work the 9 to 5. (I, being a part time night student who had just come from work, was especially ecstatic with this portion of the conversation. But I did console myself by thinking of how the real world would one day crush their gentle spirits.) Right before I left he was laying down some mad game by telling her that he had two passports and had already been to Cuba twice. I can't get over that one. I keep trying to use it on my husband. "Why do I have to unload the dishwasher? I mean, I've already been to Cuba twice." Ugh.

Dubi / March 13, 2008 10:33 AM

At a museum, what I assume was a father and his young daughter, she was about 5 years old. They were looking at a painting and as I was passing by I overheard the father say ".. and that is why it's called a negative space".

Kevin / March 13, 2008 11:32 AM

I overheard someone saying that they hoped that Mayor Daley was "Client 10" so that they could get him to resign like Spitzer and that it would solve alot of Chicago problems.

amyc / March 13, 2008 12:27 PM

Two middle-aged guys on Metra this morning:

"She was a vegan, but also a professional chef. She's, like, on the Board of Governors for the Culinary Institute of America. She still cooks meat, and by all accounts everything that came out of her kitchen was amazing. Incredible. But she never tasted anything. She just did everything with recipes, skill, and by smell."


"She's a total nutjob, though."

Onid / March 13, 2008 12:35 PM

North bound redline woman on a cellphone:

"So, I don't think we are compatible because he, like, reads a lot..."

amber / March 13, 2008 1:08 PM

A few weeks ago, on the day that Jody Weis was being confirmed as Police Chief by City Council, I overheard one officer in dress uniform say to another "But he's never actually been a cop, so I'll bet he won't pass the physical exam."

I have two all-time favorite overheard conversations, though, each from a few years ago.

The first was in Millenium Park, when the scaffolding was still on the bean while they were polishing out the seams. A woman said to another, "They had to put the canopy on it to cover it, because when the sun hits it the reflection shoots birds out of the sky." I'd love to live in that world.

The second was outside of a store-front church as the service was letting out. A little boy was screwing around on the sidewalk, and his mom screams at him, "Darnell, the Lord Jesus Christ is sick of your shit!"

riptide / March 13, 2008 1:50 PM

....on the news...
..."traffic is being rerouted, because of a three alarm fire which is "taking place" there...."

David / March 13, 2008 1:58 PM

On Wbound Fullerton bus, about a week ago -

Girl: "My sister's gonna get a ferret soon."

Boy: "Is that like one of them talking birds?"

Girl: "No, it's more like a lizard. But with fur."

Boy: "Oh."

Me: Trying not to crack up.

zoenotcool / March 13, 2008 3:58 PM

Northbound brown line, weeknight. Very loud guy flirtly with a female obnoxiously on his cell phone. It was all I could do to keep from snorting at some of his remarks.

Highlights (paraphrased):

So these two girls asked me what kind of woman I like, and I told them I only like women size 4-6. So then they said - that's tiny! I guess you wouldn't date either of us, then, huh?

Well, you know, I got a perfect score on the LSAT. But then I decided not to become a jerky lawyer.

I have some Alaskan salmon at home, and this is how I will cook it...why don't you come over for dinner?

miss mann / March 13, 2008 9:15 PM

Not recent but...
Several years ago on the northbound red line a lengthy alteration that ended with the classic line:
"Jesus loves you. Now shut the fuck up."

JD / March 13, 2008 10:14 PM

On a 151 northbound.
A "larger" black woman who decided to clip her toenails on the bus while on her cell phone.

I don't give a fuck if they all lookin' at me.

What the fuck yall lookin' at!!!

In my head:
Umm... We all fuckin' lookin' at you CUT YALL TOENAILS ON THE BUS.

joshua / March 14, 2008 9:08 AM

yesterday, a young woman walking near clark and lake, talking into her cell, "i like you. i really really do... i'm just all fucked up right now. you know?"

find gems at

Carrie / March 14, 2008 9:38 AM

Last night- 2 girls, early 20s; a guy, early 20s and a 3 year-old.

They were all kind of trashy looking. One girl says to the other "hey Samantha! Can I come over and fuck your husband?" and then proceeds to start singing/saying "r-a-i-n...r-a-i-n. rain. r-a-i-n rain".

Spook / March 14, 2008 9:51 AM

Over heard on the
Armitagee Bus going west....."Yea we use to be close like that, we was "fam"
, till she started kick’n it with Raw Dawg and after being locked up, my Raw Dawg days be over".

Presto / March 14, 2008 10:21 AM

OK, this wasn't recently but still remember it...

Two (apparently) homeless guys walking down the street.

"Yeah, Lon Cheney was a bad muthafukka, but he wasn't as bad as Bela Lugosi..."

karen / March 14, 2008 2:19 PM

not exactly overheard, but, oversaw...

on my walk home from the train last night i saw two women in their late 20s/early 30s doing cheerleading moves outside of the billy hork gallery on clark. i couldnt stop staring, confused... wondering if they were trying out for the luv-a-bulls or something...

annie / March 14, 2008 2:42 PM

today coming from the cube next to mine. "Her tits are so big, they're like one giant pillow"

I hear stuff like that all day everyday.

n / March 14, 2008 3:48 PM

one of our three-person admin team, perfectly nice people but no one under 50 years old or 200 pounds, in a discussion of public figures with known extramarital activities: "I mean, we ALL did JFK."

Asdllkwpnk not what I want to think about. Ever.

Lewis / March 14, 2008 4:00 PM

In an IHOP:

"If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spend that year in college."

fred / March 16, 2008 1:03 AM

Two girls in a cab at Belmont & Sheffield shouted this out their window:
"Hey fag! Fag! You're like this because your daddy didn't play catch with you. Hey! Faggot! Don't vote for Obama just because your daddy didn't play catch with you! You think you're so different!"

I didn't know you could get AM radio on a blonde.

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