Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Tuesday, April 23

Gapers Block

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Andrew / December 25, 2003 4:12 PM

I'll be returning one of the two copies of Ferris Buehler's Day Off I got. could've been worse.

A set of bright red Hanes underwear, from my dad when I was I think 12. It wasn't a joke.

armaghetto / December 26, 2003 3:03 AM

Not my story, but...

For Christmas one year, my friend's dad bought her mom a brand new garbage can. Because "she was always complaining that she needed to replace it." Apparently her mom locked herself in the bathroom and cried for an hour.

A lex / December 26, 2003 8:59 AM

One year, my brother gave my husband a gift set of English Leather -- and no, it wasn't a gag gift.

We're crossing our fingers that maybe this year it will be Old Spice or Aqua Velva!

Shasta MacNasty / December 26, 2003 9:04 AM

The first christmas I spent with my ex. He gave me an oragami set (from the bargin bin at Barnes and Noble. It had a rip in the plastic covering and the orange price tag was still on it.).

I don't like oragami. I never eluded to even hating it. I never even discussed it. But that was my christmas gift.

When you absolutely, positively have to show someone you don't know jack crap about them...

heather / December 26, 2003 9:05 AM

we return everything we get at xmas, in my house.

the fun of the holiday is the shopping.

the giving of hilariously inappropriate and outrageously goofy gifts, with the gift receipts intact, is a tradition at the picturepicture household.

so, I'll be returning an extra-extra-large teal-colored sweater to Lane Bryant, a pair of glittery red mary janes (in a delightfully tiny children's size) and a book about parenthood.

I love return receipts!

The result of this gift-irreverence is that there's no such thing as a bad gift. just bad intentions.

Onid / December 26, 2003 12:15 PM

Christmas Day 1981: A young Onid got a pair of green socks from his Aunt Anne. Just one pair that she obviously seperated from the others. (There was a sticker still on them that said 3 PAIR.) When he rolled his eyes his Mom "yelled at" him through clenched teeth to be polite. So Onid thanked her for the socks. For over a decade after that every year he socks.

When the place that she got the socks from closed and she got older and couldn't get around as easy anymore she said "I know you love those damn socks but I can't find them anymore. Here's 10 dollars." That was the best Christmas ever for Onid.

P.S. Does anyone want any green socks.

Kris / December 27, 2003 8:07 PM

Well, this Christmas I got a shirt from one of my grandmothers, size XXXL. I wear a medium.

She has a reputation for not paying attention to these things. She once bought one of my uncles, a grown man, a package of Boys' size 6-8 underwear. It's like Heather's family, but unintentional.

Pete / December 29, 2003 8:52 AM

I'll be returning (or, more likely selling on eBay) the Cubs edition of Monopoly. The worst ever was a Cubs floor lamp that looked like it was designed for a second-grader's bedroom (I was in my early twenties at the time).

My family *really* doesn't get it. I need to tactfully introduce them to Barnes and Noble gift cards, which even my in-laws figured out years ago.

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