Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Thursday, February 29

Gapers Block

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printdude / September 19, 2005 8:17 AM

The Automobile! our (Americans) reliance on this machine has too great of a hold on our daily lives. Too many jobs are tied to this contraption, which is just a limited form of transportation.

Dr Awkward / September 19, 2005 9:19 AM

The wheel.

sweetwater / September 19, 2005 9:30 AM

my art-deco fountain pen (it drips ink every once in a while)

eep / September 19, 2005 9:33 AM

The bra. Mainly the underwires in bras. If there were little strips of metal in men's boxers that were prone to breaking and poking them in the scrotum, there's no way they'd put up with it. So why do women put up with that happening to their boobs? Ow.

Stephen / September 19, 2005 9:44 AM

I'd like to have a hand in reinventing an operating system's user interface. Regardless of platform (mainly - but not limited to - Mac and Windows), we now understand how to use computers in terms of cursors, drop-downs, windows, and dancing paper clips.

Right now I don't really see how we could understand computers any other way. That is the genius of Mac and Windows. But it would be fun to be part of creating a whole new way to think outside the beige box.

name schmame / September 19, 2005 10:02 AM


Moon / September 19, 2005 10:07 AM

Lake Shore Drive, especially on the north side.

It's too close to the lake. Bury it.

mike / September 19, 2005 10:38 AM

- 10-lb air conditioner.
- 10-lb television.
- A computer that doesn't take a minute to 'start up.'

e_five / September 19, 2005 11:02 AM

American politics.

girly / September 19, 2005 11:30 AM

I second the reinvention of the bra. In addition to fixing underwires, can we get a huge selection of pretty bras for the large-chested woman? Beige industrial bras are not fun at all.

Let's also redesign the look of bridesmaids dresses. They should be elegant but also wearable to events other than your friend's wedding. I'm so tired of spending $$$$ on large satiny fluffy dresses that I wear once and then stick in a closet.

paul / September 19, 2005 11:56 AM

I'd like a shot at redoing the Trump Tower. It would be just as tall, but would be gothic as hell, full of gargoyles and flying buttresses.

Also, L trains during peak hours should have three doors to a side. That way people wouldn't be afraid of not being able to get out at their stop in a packed train and wouldn't create a gaggle of people standing in front of the doors, creating the fear of not being able to get out at your stop.

robin.. / September 19, 2005 12:33 PM

i'd like to redesign my knees. what intelligent designer (so-called) left me with such vulnerable, flawed hinge joints on which to rest the stress of my body? and they're only going to get worse as i get older. my hope is that science builds a great new knee by the time i need one. stupid slow evolution....

spiraljetty / September 19, 2005 12:53 PM

The Jewel-Osco self-checkout lanes. I know they have one in Cub Foods, but never used that one.


I'd rather wait in a long line and have a person check me out than try to figure out what I did wrong this time. And I feel so rushed because people watch you do the self-checkout.

Craig / September 19, 2005 1:54 PM

The portable air conditioning unit-- too cumbersome to carry, too hard to install, too ugly from the outside of the building...

And the umbrella-- nuff said.

j / September 19, 2005 3:07 PM

I too would like a crack at the bra. Being a man I would un-invent it!

sky / September 19, 2005 5:03 PM

Oh J, you silly silly man. How much faith you have in the natural perkiness of breasts. I'm afraid if you had your wish, your reality would be a harsh one.

j / September 19, 2005 5:55 PM

Alas, one can

Steve / September 19, 2005 6:18 PM

The 2005 Chicago White Sox. We'd have some better OBP guys on the team, anyway. The Steve Sox: now with 100 percent less Timo y Pablo!

Veronica / September 19, 2005 6:33 PM

I third the bra. In addition to making pretty bras for busty girls, how about making them in more precise sizes? I know Barely There is all about the A-and-a-half and B-and-a-half, but it stops there! What, bigger girls don't have size issues?

Also, let's make some pretty camisoles for those of us who are small in torso, but aren't an A-cup. Thank you.

winediva / September 19, 2005 7:32 PM

OK not to make this a "bra thread" all of a sudden, but I would have to agree there is room for improvement. No woman should have to fear the boob kabob effect of being pierced by an errant underwire. Always classy when it then protrudes out from your sweater, too. I felt like a low rent femme-bot.

A few suggestions to the busty gals in the house. My best friend swears by the "Oprah bra" Le mystere Tisha design. Its available at Nordstroms I know - probably lots of places now.

Also check out a lingerie shop called Isabella on Webster St in the lincoln park area. The woman who owns it opened the store because she is a busty gal herself and wanted cute bras in her size. High end cute stuff!

Moon / September 19, 2005 8:01 PM

Hey, guys! There seems to be a need for a bra designer and "sizer"! I'll be the "sizer" if you have the money to open the shop and do the design work.


Jason / September 19, 2005 11:02 PM

Mobile telephones.

I just want a 'phone. Not a camera, not a video game system, not a PDA, not a portable stereo, not a status symbol.

Just a small, inexpensive telephone to carry in my jacket pocket, in case of an emergency.

matt / September 19, 2005 11:14 PM

Now that up there ^^^^^^

is a good idea.

HuckleCat / September 20, 2005 1:22 AM

Count my vote in for the bra.

What's up with the padded ones getting all deformed?! They're not cheap so I'd like to them to last longer than a month!

robin.. / September 20, 2005 9:19 AM

i've never been skewered by a wire, i've never had a padded bra go all out of shape, and now i'm not sure why, hearing all this... it's not like i buy insane, designer bras. hell, i only ever buy during the vicki's secret semi-annual sale, but when that comes around, i revamp my collection almost wholly. they haven't made a brassiere yet that will last more than a year, really...i give up on them around 12 months anyway.

winediva / September 20, 2005 10:42 AM

Robin -
Probably because you get rid of them after a year and/or care for your garments properly. I keep my bras for years and don't generally treat them very well in the wash. Gentle cycle, hung dry - but that's it. I quit handwashing years ago. Forget that!

ok, this is really a bra thread now, huh. sorry.

robin.. / September 20, 2005 10:54 AM

it's not our fault! the last thread was about busts! we've got jumblies on the brain! bazooms on the mind! we're breast crazy!

and, true, i totally handwash and take care of my foundation garments, yes.

kate / September 20, 2005 11:05 AM

How robin feels about knees is how I feel about teeth. There's no reason why they should decay, we're beyond that. Sure, we can keep dentists around to polish them every once in a while, fix them in the odd occasion that they break, remind us how lucky we are that we no longer have to brush and floss twice a day, living in constant fear of that terrible drill or god forbid a root canal...but really, doesn't it seem like teeth should more or less take care of themselves by now?

or we could just reinvent the past. I think that would be fun as well...and give me 5 weeks of vacation while we're at it. If I cared enough about college football I'm sure I'd have a few things to say about that too.

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