Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Friday, December 1

Gapers Block

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craftymonkey / April 25, 2005 2:25 AM

"A woman can keep one secret - the secret of her age"

28 years old.

craftymonkey / April 25, 2005 2:31 AM

(That's a lie)

Tim / April 25, 2005 7:39 AM

nice try. Why not ask 'what is your secret identity?', or 'what is your superpower?' Now, back to fighting crime...

Charlie / April 25, 2005 8:09 AM

My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised

Veronica / April 25, 2005 8:19 AM

Tim...that was cute :).

My secret? Twice a week, every week, and always after a night heavy clubbing.

Washing my hair, I mean.

Shasta MacNasty / April 25, 2005 8:38 AM

I had a one-minute crush on Andrew the first time I met him. Then I got hipped to the jive that he had a girlfriend. Crush over. Still love those wicked sideburns though.

Tommy / April 25, 2005 8:48 AM

I sun bathe nude..........and don't burn.

steven / April 25, 2005 9:12 AM

i feel extremely, utterly lonely at times

Emerson Dameron / April 25, 2005 9:44 AM

I rarely enjoy parties unless I'm drinking, and it's hardly worth the escalating hangovers. I'm also terrified of death.

waleeta / April 25, 2005 10:06 AM

i eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with toasted blueberry eggo waffles instead of bread.

Alex / April 25, 2005 10:16 AM

I had a one-minute crush on Kris V. the first time I met him. It's all about the Gapers’ Block men, eh? maybe it was more like a FIVE-minute crush, O.K.?!

Blake / April 25, 2005 10:33 AM

I hate my job and will be quitting soon to join the ranks of the voluntarily unemployed! (Just don't tell my boss.)

davin / April 25, 2005 10:36 AM

i'm an open book.
a book full of secrets.

Andrew / April 25, 2005 10:58 AM

I had a one-minute crush on Alex the first time I met her. Then I found out she had a husband...and I remembered I had a long-time girlfriend. :)

jgs / April 25, 2005 11:11 AM

I would tell my secret, but then I'd have to kill the internet.

Erica with a "C" / April 25, 2005 11:28 AM

Some are secrets, some are just fun facts about me that I wouldn't normally just come out and blather about.

I'm a terrible liar. So bad I don't bother lying anymore.
I believe a lot of wives tales and suspicions.
I can't be trusted with any sort of secrets or gossip OR cash.
I am gullible as fuck.
I played Barbies until I was 14.
I obsess over my e-mails.
I obsess over Gapers Block.
I am a music mix slut.
My outlook on life can be summed up in two very impressionable and conflicting institutions: Catholic school and Punk Rock.
I am a writer and never aspire to write the great American novel.
My dad thought I'd write for Rolling Stone one day. Sorry, dad.
I won't buy anything purple.
I've never had a Krispie Creame donut.
I had my first McGriddle last week. They're not that good.
I hate random facts about anonymous people.
I wanted to legally change my name to Becky when I was little based on a Kenny Rogers song.
My first celebrity crush was William Katt from the Greatest American Hero (he's so ugly!).
I have colored my hair every color but green.

Maggie / April 25, 2005 12:14 PM

I like Barry Manilow... wait, that's not a secret.. how about, I have ugly feet? Because I do. Size 9 wide. U-G-L-Y.

Seafood / April 25, 2005 12:18 PM

I never get a hangover. I have an iron constitution, and a sterling character. If you yourself get hungover, you should think about that.

Faith / April 25, 2005 12:39 PM


Andy / April 25, 2005 12:52 PM

I moisturize and stay out of direct sun.

Steve / April 25, 2005 1:01 PM

I'm strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

amyc / April 25, 2005 1:03 PM


Also: overwires. Hell, it's all wires!

Eamon / April 25, 2005 1:07 PM

I have no secrets. I'm pretty sure I've confessed every damn thing I've ever done, and in most cases, delivered said revelations loudly, drunkenly, and in the company of at least 20 people.

Cinnnamon / April 25, 2005 1:27 PM

My real name is Sue.

andrew / April 25, 2005 1:31 PM

I moisturize thrice a day.

emily / April 25, 2005 1:47 PM

bargain shopping.

e_five / April 25, 2005 2:14 PM

Smoke and mirrors™.

Chad Hennington / April 25, 2005 2:14 PM

I gunge myself. I try various gunges - ketchup, mustard, flour paste, mayonaise, chocolate pudding, salad dressing - and non-food - paint and mud, but always preferred pies.
My fetish is not only sensual, but visual - I am aroused at seeing myself pied which is kind of hard with a faceful of pie.
I don't feel humiliated or dominated when pied, just sexy. I also enjoy things like the pictures above when a really hot girl is decked with multiple pies giving total coverage. I also like the way the pie sticks to a girls long hair.

I do this to my girlfriend at least once a week and she loves it.

After throwing about 10-12 pies at my girlfriend, I take 10 gallons of chocolate and then vanilla pudding and pour it over her head. (I go to Sam's Club and get the Bakers and Chef's Brand 5 lb bulk cans). Sometimes I finish her off with a 5 lb can of Busch's Baked Beans as well.

K. / April 25, 2005 2:42 PM

I'm always a little depressed.

Genie / April 25, 2005 2:48 PM

You're soaking in it!

Chad Hennington / April 25, 2005 3:01 PM

Yes, I typically have full body coverage

Michael / April 25, 2005 3:39 PM

I have plague. Or leprosy. Wait, no, plague, definitely plague. That's the one where you sneeze a lot in the spring, yeah? Eyes all red and itchy and such? Cursed plague.

c / April 25, 2005 3:52 PM

I'm a "vegetarian" who sometimes eats meat--always in private with a great deal of guilt.

Patterson the dog / April 25, 2005 3:55 PM

I lick myself after I pee on trees.

christian / April 25, 2005 3:56 PM

I hunt moose, with handguns, at close range.
While drinking mass quantities of alcohol.

Stephen / April 25, 2005 4:03 PM

I make up highly offensive lyrics to showtunes and sing them loudly while alone in my apartment. I'm pretty sure my neighbor hears me, but I don't care.

susan / April 25, 2005 4:17 PM

I watch America's Next Top Model. (shhh)

Brenda / April 25, 2005 4:27 PM

I never told my family that I took my second trip to Ireland a few years ago. It would take a whole lotta backstory to explain why that's such a bad thing, but trust me, it is.

Veronica / April 25, 2005 4:47 PM

I have no self-confidence in my work.

People tell me Im the shit. Whereas I just think im shit.

beast lova / April 25, 2005 4:58 PM

I once jerked off a horse on a dare.

Brandon the Horse / April 25, 2005 5:18 PM

I was once jerked off by a human. I came but it wasn't very satisfying - he couldn't get the rhythm right and kept looking over at his friends like he needed their approval or something.

Leelah / April 25, 2005 6:05 PM

I kissed that guy.

matthew ledvina / April 25, 2005 8:00 PM

no homo

S / April 25, 2005 8:55 PM

I sometimes read my ex-gf's email. still have her password to her email account.

hell, it creeps ME out that I do this.

e_five / April 26, 2005 9:52 AM

I was a woman until 1996.

Pete / April 26, 2005 10:26 AM

Beneath this mild-mannered credit manager persona I am, in reality, Superman.

Joe / April 26, 2005 10:44 AM

I get free cable! (through no deliberate act, other than happening to plug the TV into the coax jack on the wall) Been this way for over half a decade!

Libby / April 26, 2005 10:51 AM

I met my boyfriend on Make Out Club.

Tommy / April 26, 2005 10:55 AM

I'm Steven's neighbor.....he has a terrible voice.

Claire / April 26, 2005 11:05 AM

Only my hairstylist knows for sure.

Chris / April 26, 2005 11:10 AM

Isn't this thread suppose to be on Craigslist's RnR page?

That's my secret: Craigslist Junkie

craftymonkey / April 26, 2005 11:47 AM

Is that a forum on craig's list chicago? Do you have a link?
-fellow CL junkie

JT / April 26, 2005 11:55 AM

I occasionally read "Casual Encounters" to see all the penises.

But I'm never all that impressed. More likely, a little freaked out.

accident waiting to happen / April 26, 2005 2:12 PM

i ate all of your girl scout cookies...
i especially enjoyed the carmel delights

Bill / April 26, 2005 10:29 PM

Sexaholic. J/K. Still a virgin....

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