Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Monday, September 9
he didn't make me laugh anymore.
After 10 years of friendship, she stole $950 from me. But in hindsight, $950 was a bargain to get her out of my life for good.
My manager wouldn't make eye contact with me.
He became the cause of my cigarette breaks.
When, after nearly 20 years together, he offhandedly said he didn't think I was "the one." And I realized he wasn't, either.
When there was no more sidewalk.
When I found myself in the fetal position on a hotel bathroom floor between the toilet and the wall, that was it.
When I was leaving her house and he was parking his car in front of it.
Becase of the ".".
Because of the bad spelling.
He yawned like Buster Bluth (without the extreme stretching) while I was going down on him.
He started a fight with me because I didn't like cilantro.
He kept on squawking "Pipe down!" as I whooped it up for the Steelers in Super Bowl XL at a friend's house.
when he couldn't be arsed to flirt with me/show any appreciation after I had been gone for three months.
The little man in the top hat came back on stage and yelled at everybody to go home, and that no, Rancid would NOT be playing an encore.
When I moved out and didn't look back! I knew it was the end way before that, but I had to get my ducks in order first.
when she started smoking again...
when the principal said, "i need to talk to you in my office"...
when the bell rings at 2:45 on 6/10...
When she said broccoli didn't go with steak. wtf?
Damn Baldeesh.
I'll say, "When I used the Adam & Eve story as an example of something everybody knows is made up, and she said, 'How do you know?'"
When I told her that the doctor diagnosed me with 'a suicide disease' -- i.e., incurable nerve pain, and she didn't respond at all. P.S., I have learned to just about eliminate the pain and do not think about suicide.
When Gonzalez bobbled that double-play ball.
Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?
Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?
Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?
Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?
I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?
R / April 27, 2010 2:15 AM
The house lights went on in the theater.