Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Wednesday, April 17

Gapers Block

Gapers Block on Facebook Gapers Block on Flickr Gapers Block on Twitter The Gapers Block Tumblr


kate / July 5, 2006 11:26 PM

My friend has taken to introducing me with the following:

"Be warned, this girl is gunpowder."

So I'll slap a TM on that, I guess.

avantchicago / July 6, 2006 1:52 AM

I have kickass 3 day scruff.

Velo / July 6, 2006 3:55 AM

I get uncontrollable giggles when I fart... even when they're silent or I'm alone.

I can't hide it, anyone who knows me can always tell, there's no blaming the dog.

Stealth would come in handy once in a while too... the byproducts of nourishment should not smell as bad as it has been known to! As a result, I never get blamed for ones I don't do.

printdude / July 6, 2006 7:54 AM

Haven't you been paying attention?


julie / July 6, 2006 8:27 AM

The lovely and talented. TM

Lori / July 6, 2006 8:39 AM

cinnamon flop

Mikey / July 6, 2006 9:17 AM

My bouncy gait is my trademark. Since I was a kid, I've had a tendency to "bounce" off the balls of my feet when I walk, giving me a distinct gait that all my friends can immediately recognize from a distance. For that matter, my resultant overdeveloped calves should be included as well...

Also, I'd like to trademark my oft-used (but not self-coined) catchphrase, "Beat it!"

stackedbrass / July 6, 2006 9:24 AM

Mine would definitely be:

Can we go to an ATM? I need to get cash.

I just got made fun of that about 3 minutes ago, in fact.

Allan / July 6, 2006 9:39 AM

Big Al's Hot Dog Stand™ because of my enormous jackson. Which is the only thing I will probably be remembered for, that or Slurpie Cocatail™

amyc / July 6, 2006 9:59 AM

Blagg the Axeman (TM)

(Just kidding, Blagg -- please do not administer your trademark brand of swift and terrible justice on me!)

mike / July 6, 2006 9:59 AM


spence / July 6, 2006 10:03 AM

"Who's ready for Pick Me Up?"

I go there every single time I'm drunk. My friends can set there watch by it. I always get and recommend the gold coin plate or clown combo.

Something one of my younger brothers says that I think is hilarious:

"I'm going to get a slurpie slurp."

In reference to getting a beer.

baldeesh / July 6, 2006 10:30 AM

After a few beers, I hug EVERYBODY.

And tell them I love them or they're awesome.

jennifer / July 6, 2006 10:35 AM

my freckles. honestly, I didn't think much about them growing up. to me, it seemed as if anyone who was out and about in the sun would have a few. (yes, I know that this is not need the melanin.) recently though, I have had more 'I love your freckles' comments than ever before. do people not expect them on a 25 year old? perhaps there's the wonder there.

so there you are. my trademark would be my freckle face (and arms, legs, shoulders, et cetera).

Sabrosa / July 6, 2006 11:03 AM

I have a dimple right next to the right side of my mouth. It is so deep that I can fit everything in my fridge in there. I love it! People remember me by my dimple!

Cinnamon / July 6, 2006 11:09 AM

Lori: If that "cinnamon flop" is a recipe, I'd love to have it.

I'll trademark my laugh inspired snort. I've had friends high-five each other when it happens, compete with each other to see who can get more of them from me, and friends who say "The party has begun" once it happens. After a while it hurts, but I can't control it.

Josh / July 6, 2006 11:20 AM

People say I laugh like Ed McMahon (for those old enough to remember him).

Bill V / July 6, 2006 11:33 AM

The Yellow Happy Face! Oh darn, Walmart already has that one!

j / July 6, 2006 11:36 AM

"Deus Ex Machina"

eep / July 6, 2006 12:26 PM

My "hee hee hee" laugh. Yes, I literally make a "hee hee hee" sound. Like Cinnamon, I can't control it. And once it starts, it only makes me laugh more.

I also wish I could actually make "eep" my own personal trademark. I'm so used to seeing it in reference to myself that when I hear or see it I think it's in reference to me. eep™. I like the looks of that.

Marilyn / July 6, 2006 1:24 PM

Sneezing. My uncle says it runs in the family.

C-Note / July 6, 2006 1:26 PM

21st century leading-man looks, 21st century leading-man style, 21st century leading-man charm, 21st century leading-man cool.

C-Note / July 6, 2006 1:26 PM

21st century leading-man looks, 21st century leading-man style, 21st century leading-man charm, 21st century leading-man cool. Can't be bought; hence no need to trademark.

Veronica / July 6, 2006 1:27 PM

My hair. I tend to think people don't remember me after one meeting and try to slip by them unnoticed, but they always do and it's because of the hair. And when I start wearing it up in the summer I always get a few, "Oh my god, you cut your hair!" comments. No,'s not shorter. Just more up.

Veronica / July 6, 2006 1:31 PM

Oh, and I meant to say, to avantchicago: 3 day scruff? Rrrrowr.

Roni / July 6, 2006 2:24 PM

Mikey - I'd say that Andrew has the TM on that gait. Maybe there should be a bounce off!

As for my runny nose due to year round allergies. Gotta say (knock on wood) that this summer has been pretty good. Thank the Goddess for steroids.

spook / July 6, 2006 2:35 PM

round my way, I'm that dude with the M-4 combat assault rifle. It like totally rocks, its shortened barrel and collapsible stock is just right for taking suckas out in mass up close. Firing a 5.56 millimeter round, this bad mamma jamma weighs 5.6 lbs empty or naked as a baby. A revised rear sight allows for me to put the smack down with total control better for maximum range of ammunition. Can you saw BO YOW girls and boys and you know I come with the Infrared sight mounted on the forward rail.
But check it, my M-4 can be fitted with the M-203 40mm grenade launcher, so you know where my next check is going,son.

Emerson Dameron / July 6, 2006 3:04 PM

I resemble a young Robyn Hitchcock. My voice sounds like a walkman when the batteries are running down. I'm evenhanded to a fault. I have a somewhat cruel sense of humor.

Oh, I'm also armed to the teeth and sexually irresistable. Har de har.

Carrie / July 6, 2006 3:23 PM

Telling dead baby jokes to anyone and everyone

Allan / July 6, 2006 3:27 PM

Just for the record I have 3 day scruff on my genitals so Veronica, I bet that would get a double "Rrrrowr" from you. Am I right!

karen / July 6, 2006 4:45 PM

always having to make my roommates find my crap, i.e.: keys, wallet, purse, cell phone, lip balm, etc.

i can't keep track of any of my stuff all by myself.

annie / July 6, 2006 4:54 PM

being broke.

leah / July 6, 2006 4:56 PM

I have a severe case of what can only be described as The Droppies.

Anywhere, at any time, whatever is in my hand(s) could mysteriously find itself on the ground.

I may or may not notice that it has happened.

Keys, wallets, drinks, my iPod, very nearly a 16th birthday cake, everything. I generally keep on walking or doing whatever it is I am doing and someone else notices what I've done.

So whenever my mom or sister drop something, they tell me they "did a leah".

Amy / July 6, 2006 5:41 PM

My loud laugh. I guess because I'm such a quiet person no one expects it out of me. Also, I when I drink (anything, not just beer but milk, water, whatever) I swallow really loudly. I first was told by my grandmother when I was like6 and have heard it ever since then.

Ramsin / July 6, 2006 6:10 PM

Everybody--everybody--comments on how I always look mildly angry.

Now that I've shaved my head, I imagine this scowl is more noticeable, especially since my shaved head revealed to pronounced, bulgy veins on my noggin.

mew / July 6, 2006 7:19 PM

mewing ... I'm in the habit of saying "mew" where some people might say "Pssshhht" - although I'd like to take credit for "Pssshhht" too.

BZ1299 / July 6, 2006 9:27 PM

low self image

jen*nee / July 6, 2006 10:21 PM

"jen*nee is trouble."

Bill / July 7, 2006 1:44 AM

always. always. always being ready to eat.

i likes the food.

karen / July 7, 2006 9:49 AM

goddamned coldsores.

Sara / July 7, 2006 10:00 AM

Milk. I freaking love milk. It's ridiculous, and embarassing, and wonderful. I order it everywhere I go.

spook / July 7, 2006 10:20 AM

They call me heat miser, what ever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch, I'm too much!

Mikey / July 7, 2006 10:33 AM

Milk is soooooooo good!

Angie / July 7, 2006 10:58 AM

If I get cut off by a road rager, I stick out my tongue at them like a third grader. It always makes me remember that they're being immature idiots, and hopefully they realize it too.

Robin / July 7, 2006 11:37 AM

Stripes. I'm a stripe-a-holic! I wear striped french sailor shirts almost every day. I can't resist when I see something with stripes I have to have it.

jonesybot / July 7, 2006 11:49 AM

A certain shade of red (dark brick red). I have to be careful to not buy things just because they are my kind of red or I would have nothing else. I also stopped dyeing my hair red to kind of loosen up on this trademark. But I LOVE red shoes, skirts, blankets, lipstick, red doors on houses, furniture, pretty much anything.

This MY idea of my trademark. Can't imagine what others would say...ugh. Clumsiness? A ridiculous blend of sarcasism and idealism? Worrying?

Y A J / July 7, 2006 11:54 AM

Leah's answer helped me remember an old trademark: leaving a bar, party, event, etc without saying goodbye - kinda disappearing suddenly, which a few friends still call "Doing a Jen".

VinceJose / July 7, 2006 2:07 PM

The Sexy Situation.

A serious long term relationship/special lady friend has eluded me for too many years to count now. But somehow, for good or for ill, I always end up in some sort of friends that touch inappropriately arrangement. Sexy situations are my trademark.

Steve / July 7, 2006 2:11 PM

The rum and Coke, of course.

Smee / July 7, 2006 2:48 PM

I have a tendency to roll my eyes and say "Quit being so gay about it" a lot.

Saying "I'm hungry" every 90 minutes.

If someone engages me in political discussion, friends who know me warn "Dude. Don't do it." to the poor bastard.

sky / July 7, 2006 3:31 PM

"Good Times"

felix heredia / July 7, 2006 4:20 PM

Butt sex in the vagina. Tell me you've heard that one before.

Mikey / July 7, 2006 6:31 PM

Y A J -

Many of my friends (including myself) pull that disappearing act so often (usually when one is completely effed up beyond all reason), that we coined it, "pulling a Houdini." So I guess I'll add that to my trademarks as well...

fluffy / July 7, 2006 6:33 PM

I never thought of having a trademark. I guess I wear kinda big earrings. My eye make up is kinda 60's looking- been doing it like that for years.

I sometimes don't finish my sentences- they just trail off...and it pisses people off.

christian / July 7, 2006 7:57 PM

Sarcastisound ™

I have a friend that would always say she was going to met us at some event or bar and would never show, this happened so much we would say she “Schnelled™” us, as her name was Schnell. Soon this became a common verb amongst friends and was used when anyone was blown off.

George Aye / July 8, 2006 1:00 PM

My cell phone is fantastic, except in one area: it rings twice then stops and says 'missed call'. So my most common phrase is, "Hello? Hello? Fuck!"

sherm / July 9, 2006 7:44 PM

masturbating, crying and then going to bed.

mike / July 10, 2006 12:52 AM


Brandy / July 10, 2006 9:58 PM

Oof. This one's hard for me to answer - prolly WAY easy for my friends to asnwer for me. Perhaps my ability to bring up:
a) hedgehogs
b) Esperanto
c) my tiny apartment
d) a Law & Order episode
e) all of the above
in EVERY conversation.

GB store

Recently on Fuel

Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?

Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?

Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?

Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?

I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?

View the complete archive

GB Store

GB Buttons $1.50

GB T-Shirt $12

I ✶ Chi T-Shirts $15