Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, April 1

Gapers Block

Gapers Block on Facebook Gapers Block on Flickr Gapers Block on Twitter The Gapers Block Tumblr


steve_sleeve / November 12, 2004 9:07 AM

Gapers Block.

NYPunk / November 12, 2004 9:10 AM

The Unruly Jews

Craig / November 12, 2004 9:16 AM

Berlin City Edge Project

Pete / November 12, 2004 9:16 AM

Had you asked me this question ten years ago, I would have listed so many favorites that I might have easily exhausted your server space. But right now I'm drawing a blank.

I could go the easy route and say "Dolorous Canter", but I'll resist the temptation.

Dr. Rock / November 12, 2004 9:28 AM

Scrotum Pole

Rawkkid / November 12, 2004 9:28 AM

Dirt Circle

(it's part of the human anatomy)

Xan / November 12, 2004 9:30 AM

Back when the Smoking Popes were Speed Stick, they had a song called Scrotum Sack Lunch. Maybe Scrotum Pole could cover it.

hahafunnylibs / November 12, 2004 9:37 AM

Gapers Clock

--but without the "l"

Michael / November 12, 2004 9:39 AM

Ever since high school, during the heyday of heavy metal, I always thought venom Elfe would have been a cool band name--it's from a poem called Upon A Spider Catching A Fly.

steven / November 12, 2004 9:47 AM

Where are my panties?

dayzella / November 12, 2004 10:01 AM

Floreeda Noxeema and the Good Ol' Boys

(don't steal my name, I've been planning this since I was 12)

Andrew / November 12, 2004 10:05 AM

The Touch Monkeys. Inspired by the Talking Heads' "The Swamp."

Thurston / November 12, 2004 10:09 AM

I am down with any band name that does not start with "The". There are entirely too many 80s derivative post punk wannabe Brooklyn hipster bands in this city and in the country called "The (insert kitschy/arty reference here)". Does anyone else see the contradiction when all the stars of so-called independent music have the same nouveau-80s sound and have the same "The" band name? I'd like to see an honest band name from these groups, like "The Not So Starving Artists Whose Parents Pay Their Rent While They Feign Originality".

gina / November 12, 2004 10:09 AM

Kino Rockimoto

equal parts new wave, j-pop, grrl band -- with plenty of obscure film & lit references, a la the misfits.

Ian / November 12, 2004 10:15 AM

Led Zepplin. Oh hang on, I think that may have been used already....

In that case either Igor's Children, The Sunday Painters or Topiary Is Not A Crime.

Harm / November 12, 2004 10:20 AM

The Marlbs.

jenny / November 12, 2004 10:20 AM

Stealing Third Base.

Cause...I don't know. I've always liked third base.

karen / November 12, 2004 10:21 AM

we used to talk about this non-stop at my lovely part-time job in college...

toe cap was always the winner.

i guess we had nothing better to do than to peruse the dr. scholl's aisle.

j3s / November 12, 2004 10:28 AM

Attacks by Insurgents.

jakze / November 12, 2004 10:30 AM

my brother dave and i used to talk about how since our dad was so fascist about energy consumption, storming through the house flipping off lights asking "ARE THESE LIGHTS NECESSARY? NO ONE IS IN THIS ROOM, THESE LIGHTS ARE NOT NECESSARY", that if we started a band it'd be called "dave's dad and the unnecessary lights."

eep / November 12, 2004 10:36 AM

My Bisexual Ear

michael / November 12, 2004 10:45 AM

craigslist headlines are always great for band names. like:

"free hampsters in skokie" -- pop punk?
"moving boxes" -- blue collar rock?
"bunkbed for sale" -- definately emo.

Ian / November 12, 2004 10:46 AM

Coach, I'm Gay

NYPunk / November 12, 2004 10:47 AM


ease off man, nowhere is it written that people got to be starvin to be true artists, that's slave morality, and people need to educate themselves about that ideology so they could rise above it. and isn't one meaning of life, if there is any to begin with, that one generation help the other towards progress--there's no shame in a parent helping a child with their dreams or any kind of support, what the fuck else are there parents for anyway?

as far debating originality, i've been in bands and have a deep sense of respct for anyone trying to create art. it's not easy. (in a band you got the ideas of one guy that need to be balanced against every other members' idea of what their music should be, balanced against each one's actual talent, and then their chemistry and egos on top of that) and given the billions of people alive, there truly are only a handful of people who are so gifted, and then lucky enough, to have their creations and art influence people and even history. -- but that don't mean the rest of us can't try and get some sense of fulfillment out of it. should the rest of the world listen to each of us, not necessarily, but respect for attempting is always good for the soul.

Maggie / November 12, 2004 11:01 AM

The Magg-ettes, a punk band covering the great, great Barry Manilow.

Andrew / November 12, 2004 11:07 AM

Not to mention the fact that there have been plenty of "The" bands before and after the '80s -- The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Glen Miller Orchestra...

And don't non-The names tend toward the pretentious? Nirvana, Flock of Seagulls, Weezer...

genevieve / November 12, 2004 11:11 AM

The Secret Lives of Hornbills

(I don't have cable and watch too much PBS)

Tom / November 12, 2004 11:12 AM

My band would be called "Pea Nis". This way both sexs could yell "I love Pea Nis, I love Pea Nis" and mean it.

okay it's true boys never grow up

Shylo / November 12, 2004 11:39 AM

Cerulean Pantomime - this would be for my easy listenin' band.

Oxytocin Hideout - Oxytocin is known as the "love hormone." This band would play power pop a la Green Day.

Alice / November 12, 2004 11:41 AM

1. Authority Control
2. Boolean Operator
3. The Dewey Decimators

(A little library humor.)

JS / November 12, 2004 11:42 AM

Free Beer...

or Full Frontal.

Cinnamon / November 12, 2004 11:50 AM

Gina, I would come see that band just because of the name.

My band name would be Mary: Queen of Ska. It'd be a drag ska band. It was the first idea I came up with and it stuck with me for a very long time.

Alex / November 12, 2004 11:51 AM

I love Ian's!

(No, that wouldn't be the name, I'm just saying I love Ian's choice "Coach, I'm Gay".....but on second thought...hmmmm....)

I Love Ian's!

Cecilia / November 12, 2004 11:51 AM

"The Pakora Love Song"

yay for Oxytocin!!!!!!!!!!

Naz / November 12, 2004 12:15 PM

On a recent road trip, the girl and I stayed at a Red Roof Inn. I know, I know...

Anyway - they had free "continental" breakfast, which as many know (though those accustomed to real Continental brakfast in a 3 start hotel and up - aka scrambled eggs, has browns - hot food!) is basically a muffin/donut/kid size pack of cereal.

As we passed more and more hotels off the highway, we bitched about this fake continental breakfast leading me to proclaim that the next band I was in would be called:

The Continental Sham.

katie / November 12, 2004 12:41 PM

My two dream band names: "Homesick for Eden" is my super precious all-girl folk-rock band; and "Serious Mullet" is a Spinal Tap cover band featuring Otto, the bus driver from the Simpsons.

Of all listed so far, I really really like the Dewey Decimators.

Steve / November 12, 2004 12:49 PM

Taste E. Lix and the Tortured Teens

Or Bugs Meany and the Tigers

kelly / November 12, 2004 1:04 PM

Swayze Stories

Name originated when roommate told me that the phrase "counter-narrative" would no longer be allowed in the apartment; instead, we shall use the phrase "Swayze Story."

dan / November 12, 2004 1:30 PM

snitch culture

chad / November 12, 2004 1:41 PM

Fly Bootio and the Pooter Stanks

Mike / November 12, 2004 1:50 PM

It all really depends on what kind of band it would be.
Ska band= "The Skankity Ska Skas" (because so many of them have the word ska or skank in them).
Rockabilly/Country= "Montana Dick and the Old Cadillac Boys"
Punk= "The Republikan Buttoxes" (Spelled miscorrectly of course)
Indie Rock/Emo= "Angel Kisses Upon High" or "Rapid Dark Forests of December" or something really pretentious like that.

Ann / November 12, 2004 1:51 PM

About twelve years ago I decided it would be "Lucky Pierre", but I think I saw that on a venue somewhere recently. More power to 'em, I wasn't really doing so well getting a band together.

When I was a teenager checking The Reader for shows, I used to think "No Cover" was a really popular band.

Ian / November 12, 2004 2:02 PM

ha ha, sexatnoontaxes.


Erik / November 12, 2004 2:05 PM

Everyone Has Worms -or- Racist Pig Bladder
You choose.

Perch / November 12, 2004 2:07 PM

Hey Thurston, how's about:

"The The"

Eamon / November 12, 2004 2:28 PM

I'm listening to The The right now!

Andrew / November 12, 2004 2:36 PM

Ann: Lucky Pierre, which was apparently a side project of the guy from Prick. This Lucky Pierre doesn't appear to be the same one as the Aidan Moffat side project by that name.

Thank you, Google and All Music Guide.

clodius / November 12, 2004 2:48 PM

It begins and ends here: Shop Teacher

Onid / November 12, 2004 3:37 PM

You forgot Poland.

pastille / November 12, 2004 3:41 PM

Inappropriate Sandwich

Krissy / November 12, 2004 3:53 PM

Duran Duran Duran

Eamon / November 12, 2004 3:58 PM

The Internets.

anne / November 12, 2004 3:59 PM

a Southern Rock band called "Magnolia Thunderpussy"

Mike / November 12, 2004 4:05 PM

Anne: Only if they use the lyrics "Sweet honey child" in half their songs.

emily / November 12, 2004 4:10 PM

Molokai Riding Academy

Peter / November 12, 2004 4:22 PM

Magnolia Thunderpussy! Is it still in existence?

Xan / November 12, 2004 4:29 PM

Special Guest

pat / November 12, 2004 4:34 PM

Lucia Gardenia and The Postmodern Nuns

anne / November 12, 2004 4:36 PM

awwww, I didn't know it was taken already. They don't seem to be in operation now....hmmmm.

Ellie / November 12, 2004 4:43 PM


Andrew / November 12, 2004 4:51 PM

Pete: Magnolia Thunderpussy, the record store in Anne's link, is still around as of this summer. Don't know if the owners' metal band by the same name is, though.

emily / November 12, 2004 4:53 PM

Good Luck

Craig / November 12, 2004 4:56 PM

Seven band names that might cause confusion on printed flyers:

Event Postponed
September 6th, 2004
5 Dollars At The Door
Open Mic Night
Ladies Drink Free
The Empty Bottle's Final Show

karen / November 12, 2004 5:41 PM

I hope this name pleases...

Soccer Mom

Imagine...Soccer Mom's Greatest Hits

jen / November 12, 2004 5:44 PM

cat crotch
eh?! eh?! Instant!

Maureen / November 12, 2004 6:41 PM

The New Political Culture. Songs include "Red State Boy/ Blue State Girl"

christian / November 12, 2004 8:46 PM

They Hunger For An Eden, Where Spring Comes.


The Furious Honeys

A solo project would be called DJ-5C The Postal Jeep of Doom or maybe just DJ-5CTPJOD.

amyc / November 12, 2004 9:17 PM

The riot-grrrl band I should have started 15 years ago should have been called Beezus H. Christ.

My all-girl tribute band will be Madam & the Aunts. If I ever learn to sing or play an instrument, that is.

Lyle / November 12, 2004 11:37 PM

This band actually existed in Chicago in the '90s, I remember laughing at their name in a Lounge Ax ad:


tweets for a twanger / November 13, 2004 3:18 AM

Ockam's Razor Burn
- metrosexual math rock

Specter of the Glocken Spiel
- high Swedish death metal for pre-schoolers

The The The
- whatever, y'all

Crinoids and hemorrhoids
- I don't know. You think of something.

Waiting for Rain, Dear
- Christmas standards for farmers

Betty / November 13, 2004 7:51 AM

To Be Announced.

paul / November 13, 2004 9:17 AM

decadent jihad

Kivaka / November 13, 2004 11:22 AM

i would call it pickeld popcorn

pat / November 13, 2004 11:30 AM

not sure if they exist already, but the name Pornogogo just has a jaunty ring to it.

Doug / November 13, 2004 4:30 PM

Hot Tub Flatulence (or, "Hot Tub Flatulent's")

rmc / November 13, 2004 4:57 PM

Tom Sawyer Funeral Party

christian / November 13, 2004 10:09 PM

A band that did exist at one point in time: Placenta Margarita. A band that was impossible to categorize. Placenta Margarita was like the older brother hitting on his sisters hot friend. Albums included The Attack of Melba and I Like Myself and I Want to Live. The band that could own up to its own words "We are bigger than Buddha!"

Bands that sort of existed but really didn't.
Yabba Panda, the Latvian death-speed-metal band.

P.A.S.S., The Passive Aggressive Soul Sisters.

Wizzker Bizzkit, a band infulenced by PM and toured with them off the coast of Japan.

Audrey / November 14, 2004 12:48 AM

Meal Plan.

McLain Causey / November 14, 2004 3:03 AM

Men Dick Ants

Kevin / November 14, 2004 3:08 AM

Kathleen Turner Overdrive

chidcgirl / November 14, 2004 1:29 PM


miss mann / November 14, 2004 5:44 PM

Mole Rats!

Jonathan / November 15, 2004 9:29 AM

I have no musical talent, but if The Dewey Decimators ever start up, count me in.

cxc / November 15, 2004 10:21 AM

The Greater Good.

Casey / November 15, 2004 10:28 AM

at the behest of Steve Sleeve

And You Will Know Us By The Name of Our Band

[Rating 8.1, Pitchfork.] “The only thing heavier than their bass is their sense of irony.”

The Texas Instruments

[4 Stars, No Depression.] “Two-step alt-calculator country, like a trigonometry class with Steve Earle as the disgruntled professor and Ryan Adams as the class clown.”

Season of The Fuck

[3.5 Stars, Venus.] “an all-drag Hole cover band performing cancelled Courtney Love dates, until The Artist Formally Known as Mrs. Cobain can resume touring.”

Andrew / November 15, 2004 10:54 AM

Excellent! Casey, I know who I'm calling next time we do a Critic feature on new music.

robin.. / November 15, 2004 12:18 PM

my, umn, grammar reading group and i were going to be in a band called "the whom," first album s/t, second album "grammar-rama."

for reals, though, i picked "his boy elroy" until i found it was taken, and now i'm all about the nadine-gordimer-novel-theived "the pick up." can't believe it's not taken, in this time of "the ____" and post-emo.

casey--you're sharp. i like.

Tommy / November 20, 2004 7:44 PM

My Guitar is High


Slut Lead Singer


Band# 2,641,864,947

elly / December 1, 2004 6:29 PM

' "I Eat Mop" Who? '

GB store

Recently on Fuel

Urban Ethos [26]
What is Chicago's "urban ethos"?

Cool Glass of... [16]
What're you drinking?

Supreme Decision [22]
What's your reaction to the Supreme Court's decision on the Affordable Care Act?

Taking it to the Streets [20]
Chicago Street Fairs: Revolting or Awesome?

I Can Be Cruel [9]
Be real: what is the meanest thing you've ever done?

View the complete archive

GB Store

GB Buttons $1.50

GB T-Shirt $12

I ✶ Chi T-Shirts $15