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Monday, August 15

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Media Wed May 05 2010

Use Yer Hed Part!

So, this is "Larry the Cable Guy" when he was still Dan Whitney:

Which, when you think of it, makes Larry the Cable Guy a kind of working class white guy minstrel act.

Which gave me and a friend of mine an idea. We are going to start a comedy duo act called "HedPart". Our names would be Goober and Fart, though we'd alternate between which was which. And we'd use catchphrase humor in the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall. If you're unfamiliar, the set up for both those guys is basically this:

"If you participate in activity X, then you must be Y!"

The Fox says things like, "If you're dumb, poor, and white you might be a redneck." Engvall says things like, "If you do a thing that is stupid, here's your sign" meaning a sign saying you're stupid.

We'd do a similar act, except our set up would be things like,

"If you think we should let the guvurnamint get their hands on social security, Use Yer Head-Part!" Meaning use your brain. But brain is a complicated word, so we'd just say "head part" and point to our heads.

After twenty or thirty "head part" jokes, we'd throw in a more risque "pants part" joke, like,
"If the wedding reception ended early and you can't tell if the girl stuffing leftover cheese in her purse is your cousin or one of the cashiers, Use Yer Pants Part!" and then we'd gesture to our groins to make our point clear.

Of course, we would be dressed in faded NASCAR shirts that implied very strongly that Jeff Gordon was attracted to men, white jeans with the cuffs tucked into our unscuffed Timberlands, and Carhartt jackets.


The way he drives his car is just so gay.

Now, it would be easy to create this act and go perform in Chicago for rooms full of hip comedians and their friends. But that'd be cheating. Nope, our first goal would be to book a room in Branson. Only if we can make these Branson tourists laugh is HedPart going to be legitimate, and our hit catchphrases going to take the nation by storm. The tricky part will be not getting beaten to death after our shows by a particularly clever redneck who, while excusing the dumbed-down class of mockery of Dan Whitney, cannot abide such mockery from an Assyrian and Asian. My friend is Asian.


Our target audience

So, you may be asking, what does this have to do with politics? Well, frankly, it has a lot to do with it. Because perhaps only through the medium of comedy can we slowly but surely turn these folks around to seeing the classism with which the conservative elite treat them. Witness for example the RNC and McCain campaign's horror at having to actually deal with Sarah and Todd Palin.

But this will require increasingly clever "Use Yer Head Part!" joke constructions and content. Remember, the goal is to turn the roars of laughter into murmurs of critical thinking. So, for example:

"If you think three decades of tax breaks for rich people like Paris Hilton and Kobe Bryant and an even bigger gap between you and the rich have anything to do with one another, USE YER HEAD PART!...

"If you think voting is more useful than texting your opinion to Fox News, USE YER HEAD PART!

"If you think a fart is better than a mouth punch, USE YER HEAD PART!"

That last one is a crowd pleaser to keep things moving. Anyway, you get my drift. The important thing is that we build up a list of about 3-500 "Use Yer Head Part!" jokes that we can captivate the Larry the Cable Guy audience with (and sell to them printed on low-thread count sheets) and slowly over time win them away from their current corporate overlords.

Because if there's one thing narrative politics has taught us over the last few election cycles, it is that by adopting superficial and in fact insulting trappings of the lower classes, you can "identify" with them and get them to do whatever you want. Whether that's "clearin' brush" or "sayin' words like sayin' and betcha" or duck hunting or bowling or whatever. It goes the other way too: awkwardly clapping in black churches or drinking a beer at a union bar. You see? It's so easy to convince these rubes you're on their side, and then it's just a short sprint to riches and power. That's why, for example, voter turnout and civic engagement is so high among working class people. Because people treat them like adults. And if you believe that...USE YER HEAD PART!

This is painful to watch.

So start submitting your Use Yer Head Part (and Pants Part) jokes today, because we're hoping to get our first gig by December.

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Joe O. / May 5, 2010 3:39 PM

Here is a "hedpart" joke: If you think that putting up a flyer at the gas station down the street from your house saying that you will reshingle a house or mow lawns for money makes you an entrepreneur ... USE YER HEDPART!

Rick Abplanalp / May 5, 2010 10:24 PM

If yer stuck on the terlet, and yer outta terlet paper, ya got two hands, dontcha? USE YER HEDPART!

Yucks / May 6, 2010 8:44 AM

If you get yer union dues taken outta yer check every week, and they ain't funding yer pension, USE YER HEDPART!

Ramsin / May 6, 2010 9:04 AM

See!? It's fun for everyone! GOLDMINE!

Ramsin / May 6, 2010 12:17 PM

Here's another one: "If you believe the demagoguing on pensions is about anything besides anti-union hysteria, USE YER HEAD-PART!...and also read this:,0,2131601.story?page=1 !"

Yucks / May 6, 2010 2:34 PM

Oh! Oh! I've got a couple...

"If you are naive enough not to notice the impending Greek default is due to unfunded public pension liabilities, USE YOUR HEDPART"

If you think our finances are immune to the same laws of mathematics, USE YOUR HEDPART"

I know math is hard, but its got pretty pictures and graphs too. Take a nice look at the risk adjusted tables. IL's unfunded liabilities are horrid as well.

w / May 6, 2010 2:35 PM

If yer kin der br dirkndir birginerder....use yer hed part!

Ramsin / May 6, 2010 2:46 PM

If yer jerbs are bein takin an yer not roustin the jerbtakerstednedsslkfjfrHEAD PART!

Joe O. / May 6, 2010 3:07 PM

In light of the stuff above, here are some new ones:

If ya think that states selling off profitable assets to line the pockets of "entrepreneurs" instead of keeping and managing those assets to fund things such as the state pension liabilities was a good idea ... USE YER HEDPART!

If you think than Ronald Reagan was an economic genius ... USE YER HEDPART! He was an actor!

If you think that the only way to solve any and every problem in the world is to dismantle government ... USE YER HEDPART!

Darn fatcat government employees ... takin' our jerbs and taxes and funding ... takin my jerb ... I'm an entrepreneur ... HEADPART!

Clomp / May 6, 2010 4:21 PM

This is amazing. I love it. Please make this act happen.
If you think anything about Sarah Palin has "gone rogue", use yer HEDPART!
If you really think that the Tea Baggers have any intellectual valiity whatsoever, use YER HEDPART!

RAStewart / May 10, 2010 2:04 PM

If you think the "class war" is between private-sector workers who no longer have pensions and government workers who've managed (for now) to hang onto them, USE YER HEDPART!

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