Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Thursday, January 27

Gapers Block

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It's Friday night, and I'm in line with about 250 other Macolytes waiting for the Woodfield Apple Store to begin admitting the faithful for the Big iPod Event, and I'm having a discussion with a couple about the iTunes Music Store. They ask if I've bought and downloaded anything yet.

"Sure," I reply. "A couple of Dwight Yoakam albums."

"You could at least have bought music by one of the artists in that 'Rip. Mix. Burn.' commercial," the woman tells me in one of those half-joking/half-bitchy tones of voice. If this were a "Star Trek" convention, she'd be claiming my ears look more Romulan than Vulcan and that I shouldn't be wearing a Federation uniform.

"He was in the commercial," I reply.

"No, he wasn't," the woman says -- and then her totally whipped male companion takes the cue and begins reciting, "They had Chuck Berry, Liz Phair, Barry White, George Clinton, Lil' Kim..."

"And that Smashmouth guy," she adds. "But no Dwight Yoakam."

I'm getting really pissed now -- almost as pissed as in fourth grade when Mrs. Kelly didn't believe me when I told the class that dolphins and porpoises have different kinds of teeth. "They sure did have Dwight Yoakam!" I protest. "He was off to one side holding a guitar!"

"No, he wasn't!" she says. "And besides, songs aren't worth 99 cents for download. Maybe half that, but not 99 cents."

Thank God the store opens a few moments later.

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