Mary Richards might have been able to turn the world on with her smile, but I can open CTA turnstiles with my butt.

Yes, thanks to the microchip-embedded Chicago Card, I don't need to remove my wallet from my hip pocket to sail through the turnstiles. I just twist a bit to one side, give a little bump toward the sensor and open, sesame!

I've already executed this maneuver at several CTA stations and you know what? Much to the chagrin of my junior high school sensibilities, the staff is not the least bit impressed. One staffer even rolled her eyes and shook her head, like I was only the 500th customer she'd seen do this.

Over the weekend, I decided that if I could use this technique on a CTA bus, that would definitely be impressive. The bus fareboxes, however, are surrounded by protective railings. I'd need to have the elastic ass of The Fantastic Four's Reed Richards to pull it off.