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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Wednesday, July 17

Gapers Block

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The intersection of the classifieds and real life -- it doesn't happen, right? Actually, in the world of Craig, it does.

More than any other classifieds section, it seems that you're fairly likely to find your Missed Connection in Craig's List. And that's probably because CL is both free and also a train wreck. A free train wreck. Toot toot!

In the next few editions of Public Notice, we'll be taking a dive into the situations where a Craig's List ad has become all too real for the folks involved. Take a taste and see if you're interested.

Does anyone know a Mani - w4m
I met him and he was so mysterious and hot! I mean this guy only looked my way a few times and a melted. He is about 5'11 and punky hair and I think he is a bartender in the North Shore. The bartender told me he come every once in awhile to O'malleys on Lincoln and writes in this book with a nautical star on it. She said his name is Mani and spelt with an I...
I want to meet you and talk to you and get to know whats behind your eyes! I hope you read this, I think you may have a girlfriend but you might be unhappy... Please write me and if anyone knows him please let me know where he hangs out or something about him. I have never gotten a feeling like this from anyone

Initially, I looked at this ad because I work with a guy called Mani, and he is also 5'11". He got a kick out of the ad when I read it to him, though he is not the Mani in question. How many Manis could there be? I've only met two other Shylos, and in California, and you know how people out there are.

Are you ready for a stunning non sequitur? Here we go! The phrase "what's behind your eyes"? Doesn't it make you think of a cross-section of an eye, lens, pupil, optic nerve and all? Did I say optic nerve? I meant fiber optic. Fiber optic sculptures. Read on.

Re: Does anyone know a Mani - w4m - 28
he's not mysterious or deep, sister. he's just dim. it's a letdown, considering how handsome the guy is. he also makes the god-awfulest fiber optic sculpture--and he'll fucking tell you about it while you're secretly so mortified for his dignity you could just melt into the floor. but hey, if you're into that kinda thing, cheers.

How long had that girl pined for her mysterious bartender Mani before she placed the ad? And how crushed was she to find out he got a thumbs-down from the CL consciousness? Or was she crushed at all? Maybe she is indeed into dim fiber optic sculptors. But whatever her reaction, I'm sure her fingers hovered heavily over her keyboard as she debated whether or not to continue her Mani search.

Hi John-
Erik here, I really enjoyed talking to you last night(Thursday)at Roscoe's. I thought you were really cool and cute. I felt a click , but was too shy to ask for your #. If you would like to talk more about Ireland or whatever, email me :) that would be awesome.

Oh, can't you just tell that he floated on air the whole way home? Thinking how he could totally see himself bringing John Patrick to his 15-year high school reunion in a few months. Or going to Ireland to meet John Patrick's six brothers and sisters. He could barely wait twelve hours to post the ad, he felt so breathless after their barside chat.

The bartender?
Isn't he still dating the hairstylist?

Yes, of course he's dating the hairstylist. Later that night, deep in a bath and completely through a six-pack, he realized that John Patrick was probably just being nice -- because he's a bartender.

David Jarvas - m4m
Anyone know him or what team he plays for??

You know when you tell a joke, and no one laughs, but you think "Hey, maybe nobody heard me the first time. It's a pretty good joke and maybe that hot admin will be impressed, so I'll tell it again"? So you do and there's still no response, and they heard you the first time and now you realize that they heard you the first time? And then it's completely silent and suddenly you really have to toot, and you do -- really loud? Yeah. This ad is the Craig's List equivalent of that. You'll see.

To the moron seeking David Jarvas - w4m - 26
Dear Psycho:

Even if Dave (who I don't know) was actually gay, and actually attracted to you, and actually saw your 1,005,678 posts, I'm quite certain that he'd be completely weirded out/turned off by your incestant posting.


If you're really all that curious, look him up in the freaking phone book, and call and ask him.

Love, Your Fellow MC Reader

And this ad? It's like playing that folded-paper game thing where you pick a color, etc? And you pick a flap and lift it up and it says, "BUTTWIPE!"

Ad of the Week:

Missed you in Istanbul.. I worry about you in the city by yourself. Hailey the dingo can't always protect you. I am coming to the city and hope that you still care for me as i care for you.. I will let you know my address when I move in. (Chicago Reader)

Write in with your own backstory to this ad! Email it to . The most memorable one will get published next week.


About the Author(s)

Shylo loves ironing, baking and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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