As of January 1, 2016, Gapers Block has ceased publication. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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TODAY

Saturday, April 20

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Airbags

It's like the Goddess finally went "Screw this weather" and dished out a week of sheer loveliness, isn't it? And so, spared from more lethargic, crushing heat, we can return our attentions to the highlights of summer, which include fresh tomatoes, bevies al fresco and canary-yellow sunflowers. With this refreshed embrace, I also turn to my good pally Craiggers and say, "What's up, dude?" once more. This week, GBers, we pay homage to the crème de Craig.

Know you of the Best of Craig section on Craig's List? It's where you're gonna find all the CL posts you get forwarded. All the horniest, funniest, stupidest and other –est posts. I've collected a few of the more fun ones from these past few summer months. Play on.

I'm like the entire A-Team rolled into one guy
Like Hannibal, I love it when a plan comes together. No matter what the mission, I've got the skills and experience to get you results. My resourcefulness is unmatched. If I can't do it, I'll still find a way to make it happen. I'm an experienced leader and find myself comfortable with anyone in the chain of command, from privates to four-star generals. I am also a certified master of disguise.

Like B.A. Baracus, I'm good with my hands. I love gadgets. I'm a wiz with all things technical - especially developing hand-coded web sites. I believe web sites are about content, not flashy graphics and doodads. Because I believe that users should not have to know how a web site works to be able to update it, my focus has been on developing easy to use content management systems using MySQL and PHP. I may not be able to throw a guy 20 feet, but my battle cry is pretty intimidating. And while I don't like to fly, you won't have to drug me to get me on a plane.

Like Faceman, people love me. I can schmooze with the best of them. When it comes to customer service, I believe in exceeding expectations. Great customer service goes a long way - people will put up with just about anything if you are honest, empathize with them and treat them with respect.

Like Murdock, I keep things interesting. I can lighten the mood in just about any situation. I'm a little rusty piloting a helicopter but, nevertheless, I'm an essential part of the team.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can e-mail me, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

[Full resume/references available upon request.]

Oh, I bet this fella got a mountain of responses of gals impressed by his retro references and quick wit. Heck, I might have thought about it myself if I didn't already have a totally awesome dude already.

What makes this a great CL ad? It hits right at the CL demo, Gen-Xers and -Yers raised on bullshit like the "A Team," which I could never figure out. Was it a satire? Was it serious? The spirit of the show confused my little kid brain, which warmed easily to more wacko fare like "Small Wonder" and the Jerry O'Connell star vehicle, "My Secret Identity." Why didn't the A Team ever land a bullet? Why was BA such an effing spazz?

What else makes this a good ad? It promises that the poster is something of a boyfriend MacGuyver. This is a dude who can reformat your computer and be an asset on your pub quiz team.

Congrats, Best of CLer.

You lost your stomach, I lost my mind
Tuesday, noon, eastbound Fullerton bus. I sat pristinely in my pressed shirt and tie en route to job interview. You in your skintight black jeans and white t-shirt proclaiming an entertaining variety of pro-Puerto Rican slogans. Our eyes met and the gaze we shared transcended any cultural boundaries society would wish to impose upon our burdgeoning romance. I could tell by the jaundice in your skin that my piercing blue eyes and shocking pallor were twisting your insides in such a profound fit of ecstasy. Even so, I was taken aback when you suddenly rose to make a swift exit, unable to contain your glee, and bestowed SOMEONE ELSE with the contents of your stomach brought on by the rapture of our unspoken amor. The cruel pace of our unrelenting bus driver prevented me from following you out to the curb and left me to ponder why I was not the one to receive the angelic outpouring.

I stopped by the Home Depot on my way home and purchased a bucket. If you feel the same way, let me know and I'll also bring over some ginger ale.

Here's another quality that Best of CL ads tend to have: the gross-out factor. A one-night stand take a big ol' crapola on your tum-tum? It'll end up in Best of. (Seriously, I saw that there once.) Also, there's something vaguely racist about this post, which is also fairly popular, for some reason.

Off-topic: ever made your own ginger ale from scratch? Combine a little bit of yeast, a ton of ginger and some sugar with some water and you're in business. Yum.

You...being shoved in the back of a squad car... - m4w – 27
I shouted "fuck the police"...you made the black panther fist. You got tasered, I got goosebumps. Your hair is very pretty. Let's chat.

It's clear why this ad made Best of. It's fake but funny. And FBF ads are always going to be more popular than the plaintive cries for companionship that happen everyday. Also, it says "fuck" in it.

Anybody else hate the world "pretty?" It's a little pansy of a word. Blech.

These are just a few of the uber-funny CL ads on Best of. Most of the really good ones come out of SF and NYC. The Third Coast is lagging, but we're still players, albeit ones who stand in our little black dresses, holding glasses of Chardonnay, trying to look like we belong. Yes, it was a turgid metaphor. But sort of true.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking and gardening. She will soon be a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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