Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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You know how sometimes you'll be out in our fair city of wind and suddenly, you're giddy, stupid, silly in love? I had a day like that just today. I cut out of work just a smidge early, while the sun was still shining, and stopped off for a Trinidad at Fannie May before my 25-minute walk to Union Station. Ever had a Trinidad? Nummy dark chocolate surrounded by a toasted coconut center, enrobed with white chocolate. I nibbled my Trinidad as I walked along Wacker, enjoying the quick decimation of the Sun-Times building, the sweet-peach tinge of dusk and winter's bite.

And then I got to thinking about Public Notice. With the fresh air in my lungs came a new outlook about my weekly column. I heart-heart-heart Craig's List, can't stand the new online Reader classifieds, and just don't want to sift through the real papers' classies every week. So what else is out there? And it struck me during my last bite of Trinidad: I've totally overlooked ChicWIT. Yes, Chicago Women in Technology (part of World Women in Technology) and the up to seven different "digest" mailing list updates I get each day. I've received good info from and through this list.

It would be too easy to say that this women-mainly mailing list consists mostly of gals looking for the perfect place to hold their wedding reception, gynecologist recommendations and the occasional PR or HR job posting. Here are some of the non-wedding, non-hoohah postings from Chic WIT this week, and the snarkier responses that could exist, but never would:

My son is starting kindergarten in the fall, but unfortunately our Chicago neighborhood school is only half day (or 2.5 hours a day). My son currently attends a full day day care (which is fabulous). I have sent an application to two other schools that have full day kindergartens-- Wildwood and Solomon, but I'm at the mercy of the "lottery" system.

In case we don't get into a school with a full day kindergarten, if anyone has any creative thoughts on how to manage a half day kindergarten while working full time, please let me know. Since I'm a day care advocate, and plus it's the only thing I know, I'm a little concerned that a nanny wouldn't be able to stimulate my son as day care has done. Of course, having never had a nanny, I could be mistaken. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Nancy (a very concerned mother of two)

Dear Miss Nancy,
My name is Chloe McFadden and I am proud to call myself a nanny. I have twelve years of experience for some of the North Shore's finest families. I have a master's degree in early childhood education and continue to read books and attend seminars in how to properly educate -- and entertain -- this nation's finest rich children. In fact, here are some votes of confidence from former employers:

Karen Whitehurst of Glenview says: "Chloe was the best second mother Colton could have asked for. She loves him like her own -- like I'd like to love him if I didn't work 12 hours a day at Smith, Brixton, and Chapelle."

Willa Field of Kenilworth says: "You know, Chloe is just the best with Tiphanie. And you know what else? She's cute! You put her in a Lilly Pulitzer shift and you'd never know she was poor Catholic trash from Irelandia [sic]."

If you are interested in my caring for your child, please contact me at

P.S. I speak English and promise not to steal your jewelry.

Hello All,
I'm wondering if any of you have found yourself in this situation and what resources you might have employed to tackle it: You have errands to run all over the city and no car. I guess what I'm really trying to find is a car service, not the prima donna type, but a car and driver that can be booked for a day, will schlep you around to the drycleaners, the grocery store, the post office, will stop at Starbucks if you ask, etc..., all yours for the prescribed hours without complaint. Does anyone know of such a service? and it so, what are the going rates? I'd appreciate any information. Thanks,

Dear Lady Looking for a Cheap Driver,
I hope you find your driver; unfortunately, I can't offer you any advice to make your path smoother. However, let me take a moment to dictate the future inner thoughts of your driver:

"Ah, shit, I hate WLIT."

"That bitch dry-cleaned her whole damn closet. Damn!"

"Starbucks, huh? I give her to the count of five to ask if I want something. Oh, fuck it. She's not going to bother. And she's going to fart off that latte all afternoon."

"God, I hope she leaves her wallet in the car. I'll drop it off at the nearest Greyhound station bathroom this afternoon."

A loyalty reward marketing firm targeted at the demographic of engaged couples and newlyweds, is looking for an Events and Marketing Manager for their Midwest Regional Office. The job would include but is not limited to managing the Lincoln Park showroom, managing and staffing the company bridal expo and events calendar, facilitating PR opportunities for our merchants through editorial content on the company website and special events sponsored by the company, and minor office management duties. Any potential candidate has to have at least 1-2 years related event planning or PR experience and be OK with a hectic "start up" work environment and working many weekends.

Skills needed:
>Excellent communication skills
>Professional appearance and attitude
>Detail oriented
>Superior writing skills
>Upbeat and positive attitude
>Works well under pressure and deadlines
>Team player
>Self-directed and able to work without micromanagement

submit resume and writing samples (press releases, event outlines, articles, etc) to

Dear Loyalty Reward Marketing Firm,
Oh, my God. You don't even know that kind of dream it's been for me to work in the multi-billion dollar wedding industry. Because when I was a little girl, I used to play wedding every day. I'd design my own wedding fashions for Barbie and her unfortunate brunette bridesmaids out of Kleenex and tinfoil. And I always hoped that I'd get to work for a lame dot-com that tries to squeeze the last pennies out of over-leveraged, over-excited brides. I swear on a stack of Bride's magazines wrapped with Alençon lace!

Hire me!

Author's Note: Send in your favorite Classified ads -- from wherever -- and why you love 'em. And if you've even placed an ad or have been the subject of an ad write in and tell me about it, too. My email address is

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About the Author(s)

Shylo loves ironing, baking and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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