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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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I am all about the resolution. New Year's, weekend, birthday, whatever. But following through with them, well, that's another thing. And so every resolution is another failure, another waste of time, another black mark.

So instead of making a sweeping, public proclamations for myself, I'll simply draft them for you. And you can pick and choose. I hope you succeed more than you fail, and try more than you settle.

"This year, I'll find him."

The Bond Year - 29

I'd love to meet a stellar gentleman over drinks by a fireplace at your favorite establishment. We can talk about the symphony, maybe have some delightful dinner; compare notes on our favorite restaurants in Rome, maybe talk about Paris a little. I've never been to Thailand, but I learned to surf in Costa Rica; I build houses so maybe we can talk architecture, and I paint so there's art too. I don't watch tv - no comments about the Office, please; I'll have no idea what you're talking about.

Might you be interested? Maybe a drink this week? Your email and pic gets mine.

They say that once you start looking for that perfect person, you won't be able to. That you should just relax and that person will come. I absolutely don't buy that. Because if being in a couple is that important to you, why shouldn't you pursue that goal with the same focus as school or a career? Just as long as you bring the same focus to the relationship, right? So if that's what you want, go for it. Meet people, talk to different kinds of guys/girls, just, like, do it. So, good luck, painter/architect lady. To paraphrase that super gay fan of Liza's at Liza's wedding to super gay David Gest, "You go and you get your man!"

"This year, I'll get skinny."

Work out buddy Ballys Howard location - w4m - 38

Hello, I'm looking for a work out buddy who would be willing to work out with me no less than three days a week.....Not looking to spend all day at the gym. Just trying to tone up, lose some weight, and stay healthy.

Time, age, gender, sexual orientation, religious faith, race I don't care....all I'm looking for is motivation and company.

I come from (at least on one side) a very fat family. And I never wanted to be like that. And I am. And it scares me that this could be my post in 10 years. That I will struggle and struggle -- for decades -- and still be at my knees with my weight. So while I hope that this lady finds the Audrey within her, I absolutely will not make the same proclamation because that road seems so bumpy, with McDonald's at every off-ramp.

"This year, I'll get healthy."

Want to stop

I have come to the realization that I am an alcoholic. I want to stop, but for career issues can not go to rehab or AA. I have to do this on my own. Has anybody been succesful with quiting on their own? What can I expect for side effects? Any suggestions are appreciated. Today is the day I stop!"

Oh, there are so many things that I -- and, like, everyone I know -- have considered ceasing, like giving up meat or dairy or cars or drugs or sex or cable. Whatever your toxin of choice is, let it go. And however you do that, day after day, let me know.

"This year, I'll get out of debt."

Authentic Manolo Blahniks - $225

I am selling a pair of authentic turquoise size 38 1/2 (8 1/2) Manolo Blahniks. I bought them just over a year ago at Neiman Marcus for over $500. They have scuff marks at the bottom but I'm sure it can be fixed at any shoe repair store. E-mail me if interested. Thanks.

Oh, here's one I've done. This one is very difficult to do, with credit card interest the way it is. But a couple of years ago, I spent 12 months paying for everything in cash out of envelopes and not ever turning on the heat in my drafty Lincoln Square apartment. And then that was it. I felt great. And then I looked around and saw all of the other things on the list to fix.

So you can choose one of these four, you can write your own, or you can resolve to do nothing (which, I guess, is a resolution anyway, so you're damned if you do, etc.) But nonetheless, let's face this New Year with a brave face, an open heart, and a really good meal.

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