Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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I started in the classifieds business with the Missed Connections in free local weeklies, first in California then in Chicago. And I love, love, love them. So, this week, I turn to these ads. Enjoy!

Cutie at the cheese shop - w4m - 26
I was in your cheese shop in Lincoln Square this afternoon with my mum. You were sweet helping her find ginger things. I bought a bit of cheese among other things, and thought you were extra cute.

Pen's mom elbowed her and directed her attention to Lewis, the cutest, scruffiest cheesemonger Pen had ever seen. Her mouth went dry as Lewis offered her a piece of cheese from her mother's home in Stilton. She hated blue cheese, but loved his blue eyes. Lewis and her mother chattered away about cheese, the baguettes in the shop. The whole time, Pen just twirled her mousy, shoulder-length hair around her index finger. Her mother kept nudging her toward the counter to talk to Lewis, but she was so, so shy. And as they left The Cheese Stands Alone, she didn't know what felt worse: the sting of her mother's elbow or the lasting funk of that nasty cheese.

orange shirt, san fran hoodie at t's, saturday night - w4w - 23
i told myself i would not do this.
you got to me.
outside, way too late, i asked you if you were from SF. turns out you're from here.
i REALLY wish we could have split that cab.
let me know?

Mare spotted Kelli on her way to the bathroom. She was at the bar, hanging with her friends, playing Apples to Apples. Mare loved that word game. As she left the restroom, she stole another peek at the girls playing it. Kelli was definitely Mare's type. Mare decided to introduce herself, and maybe play a few hands of A2A, as she referred to it. Five rounds of A2A later and two rounds of beer later, Mare and Kelli were just chatting away. But Mare never asked for her number and Kelli never thought to give it. But there was a spark, a connection. And that first evening ended with a wave. But eventually, in a few weeks, there would be another evening. And then another.

what a fool - w4m - 23
we've been friends for almost 9 yrs... you told me you were in love with me so many times, but my heart was already tied up.. now i have realized that i love you too, and so foolishly texted you with it last weekend while drunk.. and you failed to respond.. i guess i deserve that kick in the ass... but maybe not since i didn't want to be involved until my heart was totally free. :(

Gus read this ad and took pause. It reminded him of his friend Sarah. And he hadn't thought of her for years. There had been the move, then the wedding and the baby. But Sarah .... What if he had made a different choice? And chosen her when she offered her heart? Maybe he'd be the doctor he wanted to be once. Or a producer. Sarah wrote, Sarah traveled. Or so he imagined. This ad, for the first time in a long time, made him pull up Google and type her name. Search initiated. Door opened.

Target- On Elston 12/9/06
I tipped my cart and chaos ensued, well not really. You offered to help me to my car with my overly large piece of furniture. I declined, don't know why.

I have a big bruise on my leg now.

Stuart thought she was cute, in that Meg Ryan bumbling sort of way. Carly actually stepped out of one of her shoes reaching for some dog treats on the top shelf. Stuart bought a dog leash just to try to smell her hair and she didn't even have a dog. And Carly didn't notice how he followed her from aisle to aisle. Until she almost killed herself with a bookcase box. Stuart's very quick response caught it before it knocked over a display of toilet paper. Carly thanked him furiously while she threw stuff back into her cart. Stuart helped, and then helped her up. She insisted on hauling the bookcase in herself because she wanted all that money she'd spent with her trainer to come in handy. But when she looked up and saw that Stuart was cute, she wished she hadn't sounded so rude. Because he stopped following her from aisle to aisle. And getting that bookcase into her car was going to be a real bitch.

Louie N that works at Jewel Foster/Pulaski
We are the two guys that were in your lane Thursday afternoon when you charged us for a mop that wasn't ours! Which we joked about. We found you to be EXTREMELY good-looking and even though it is a long-shot, we wanted to ask if you ever wanted to "get together" sometime you could respond to this ad discretely and privately. Let us know!

Chad and Jeremy did not want to be at North Park University. Their crazy Jesus-loving parents said either NPU or community college. And Chad and Jeremy thought that they could probably f&*# some s&*# up. Because everybody knows that religious chicks are super easy to get into bed if you pray with them and stuff. But then they showed up in Chicago, thinking that they could get booze and hang out downtown and found out that their neighborhood is, like, dry. Except for the Jewel. Man, that chick Ginny was smokin'. And she looked slutty. But she wasn't and Chad and Jeremy would flunk out after the first semester.

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