Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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It's been a while since we had a really hot summer. Between reveling in lush, stoop-friendly late evenings and suffering heat-induced migraines, I've been sort of longing for last year's lame temps, but just panting out today. What have you been up to? Made your first batch of basil-ginger-lime gelato? Hefted in the window units?

Or did you place a corny-horny Craig's List ad?

Escape the Heat... Lets go out and Drink & Smoke - 44
It's too damn hot... and I am tired of being inside.

Who's up for going out to a place tonight for drinking??? If all goes well, we can go back to my place and smoke. I have a nice outdoor balcony overlooking the River, Lake and Cityscape. I'm a straight professional male and am considered handsome. I'm tall, clean and lots of fun. Mostly people look at me and think "Straight Arrow." But the truth is that there is a bad boy lurking inside this conservative exterior that wants to escape.

You are smart, fun, slender and searching for some fun and excitement.

pic for pic.


Know what else is tall, clean and lots of fun? My refrigerator. You'll keep cool and stay productive if you take advantage of these sky-high temps and clean out the ol' icebox. Use soapy, temperate water on all shelves and drawers. Just remember to take out the trash when you're done. Nobody wants week-old yogurt cooling its heels in this heat.

Looking for a hot girl for a hot night - m4w - 20

I just lost my ID so no bars for me tonight :( Just want to see any girls out there looking for a good time tonight. Lets have some fun tonight.

Oh yeh, please no freaks, you know who you are.

Who wants to hang out with a 20-year-old boy in his shitty, DePaul-area apartment? Wow, what a show of hands. OK, who's also willing to bring him the following: totally awesome avocado Doritos; like, a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade; and a Nestle's Tollhouse Cookie ice cream sandwich? Cool, cool. Still got some takers. OK, let's only take the hot ones. Hrm. Still quite a selection. OK, put your hand down if you're a freak. Well, well. Thanks for being honest ladies. We'll keep your headshots on file just in case we cast again.

Too Hot For Home - w4m - 24
It's 100 degrees in my apartment...

I'd like to get out... go someplace cool... drink something cold... and see where it leads to. Perhaps back to your air conditioned apartment? We'll see...

I'm 24, 5'9, 150 lbs, green eyes, brown hair...
I'm looking for someone 21-29 and male... the rest is negotiable.

So, who's up for a cold drink?

I heard a story once about a girl who went home with a guy just because he had air-conditioning. And while I'm all for women making liberated sexual choices, that's kind of gross. If it's hot and you're tired of sleeping in a stuffy apartment, take off your top sheet and quickly run it through a cold shower. Oh, and drink some ice water. Sounds easy enough to me.

Skinny Dipping tonight? - m4w - 28
It's pretty darn hot out, and well, I thought I'd be nice and invite one lucky lady over to cool off in my pool! NSA, but could be an ongoing thing if the weather stays warm. Pics a must. Best pic gets first reply and a response pic...

And if the mood is there, I may be tempted to at least give out a good "tongue lashing"...and not in a bad way ;)

Talk soon,


I think that most 28-year-old dudes that live in the city and have pools probably live in some sort of high-rise. And that pool's gonna be communal. So unless Trader Warbucks here can guarantee the fine women of Chicago that they're not going to be bumping butts with the water wings from the guy in 3C, I think we're all going to have to pass.

Cum Over Wearing Almost Nothing, Then Milk Me - m4w - 34

I'm a hot, hard thirtysomething white male looking for a sexy lady to come over to my apartment building dressed appropriately for the hot weather, wearing next to nothing. If this weather is making you horny and you are anxious to show off your assets to a hung, horny guy, e-mail me with pic and contact info. Females only, serious inquiries only!

Oh, my God, I love this man. "Milk me"? Totally awesome, as well as evocative. I want to see if this guy got any responses to his ad. I realize the spectrum of human sexuality is broad and colorful, but asking a lady to schlep around in this heat to offer a stranger an unreciprocated blowjob is a bit beyond the pale. I imagine this lady, a bit lumpy in some areas, but good looking, in her 30s, tugging her tiny Lycra skirt down riding the #22 bus from Rogers Park to North Lakeview. Later, she'll treat herself to a Coke and fries at a greasy spoon diner.

Ad of My Heart:

It's a pretty long one, called "15 Reasons You are a Horrid Roommate." My favorite is reason #1. Because I love it when people name-check one of the Golden Girls.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking and gardening. She will soon be a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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