Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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I've been so busy with my day-to-day routine, plus home improvement this-that-and-the-other that I haven't had a naughtypants column in a good long while. No bukkake. No stockbroker-whore-housewife three-way. No closeted Suburban fathers looking for kicks on the road. Well, well! Today is your dirty little day. I flipped through the pages of our very own Reader to find some of the goofiest, kinkiest shit around. Of course, I also accidentally did this on my dude's heavily protected work computer. So if he gets fired or called into HR, it's all your fault, Gapers Block.

Vintage Hippie Commune Seeks Co-Conspirators

We are three genuine vintage hippies (two men, ages 52 and 63, and one woman, age 54) living together in what might be termed a free love commune located in a time-warped abode near a NW suburb. It is fair to say that we share the diagnosis of Folie A Trois. We call ourselves a Sacred Hedonic Conspiracy. We're reasonably well-educated and lean towards intellectualism. We're also into creating and appreciating art and do as much of that as we can. We're into music of almost--but not quite!--all sorts--musicians are especially welcome! We're TV free, but we have a giant screen thing and a DVD collection that will knock your socks off.

Kelly almost didn't invite them. She knew Paula would wear that ridiculous Renaissance patchwork gown of hers and weave flowers and shit into her braids. Her father would suggest that they read the Bhagavad-Gita and enter to Peter Paul and Mary. And Pierce would be high. But they were her parents after all. The three of them, even Pierce. So Kelly concluded that she'd send them an invite, but also sends her loser brother Lysander over with some good weed before the ceremony. It would just blend in with the incense at Mary Seat of Wisdom.

Two MWM's seek femaleforgangbangfun

Two Chicago area MWM's (40's-50's) seek a S/D/MWF for once or twice a month gangbang adventures and Bukkake fun. We are clean, drug and disease free, open-minded and fun. Seeking a woman open to safe play, into lot's of cum and fantasy fulfillment and double-penetrations.We especially love big tits and nipples.Looking for a woman that would love all her holes filled and end with Bukkake fun as we cum all over you. Leave your e-mail or phone number and one of us will get back to you soon!

Dewitt looked at the ad that Harris had placed next to his morning coffee at the accounting firm where they both worked.

"Are you serious, Harris?" he said through gritted teeth, balling up the paper. "Do you realize how stupid this makes us look? The grammar errors, the pedestrian tastes?"

Harris looked dismayed.

Dewitt continued. "Why didn't you use the ad I gave you? 'Two aesthetes into scat seek a third'?"

Harris stammered, "How do you spell aesthete, Dewitt?"

Join us for sexy fun!

We are seeking a full-figured (plus-sized, ample, big and beautiful, etc.) female with large breasts to join us for hot, sexy fun in the bedroom. We are roommates as well as sexual partners. We are seeking someone with whom we can develop a relationship, as opposed to a fling or one-night stand. She is full-figured with large breasts. He is a few extra pounds with an average-sized package. We have had a fairly sedate sex life but we are willing to experiment and explore all options! We both like to please; so should you, please! Drop us a line. You won't be disappointed!

She introduced herself as Chana and said that she was searching for a little spice herself. So they clinked their glasses together at polished off nearly four bottles of wine. But still, Stan and Darla couldn't go through with it. That's when they finally admitted to each other that they were in love. And stuck with each other.

ISO hot sexy fun!

I am seeking a full-figured (plus-sized, ample, big and beautiful, etc.) female with large breasts to join me for hot, sexy fun in the bedroom. I am seeking someone with whom I can develop a relationship, as opposed to a fling or one-night stand. I am full-figured with large breasts. I am very willing to experiment and explore all options! I would also be willing to get together with couples (woman/woman and man/woman). I like to please; so should you, please!

They went to dinner at the Macaroni Grill. Stella suggested wine but Pat thought he'd stick with his gin and tonic. Stella was careful to avoid onions and garlic. When they got back to her place, she suggested that they "make love." And then Pat took a candlestick from her dining table and smashed her across the head. She woke up in her basement, dressed in a baseball outfit, head completely shaved, and missing her collection of Dan Brown novels.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking, gardening and being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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