Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Wednesday, May 22

Gapers Block

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Please say you were one of the smart ones who avoided the mick-a-palooza downtown or in Beverly this weekend. Please, please say you didn?t get blasted on Guinness and start screaming, ?Fuck me, I?m Irish? while waiting to pay your $20 cover. And don?t let me down by confessing that you pissed in an alley or some grandma?s backyard while waiting for the Shriners to do their thing. Just tell me you drank a lot of whatever, popped your wife in the mouth, and then passed out on the front stoop*. You know, Irish-style.

* I can say this. I?m mostly mick myself. Kiss me!

South Side Irish Parade back to Duffy's - w4m - 32
We were on the bus back home... You were cute and I think you found me amusing.. "skinny", I think you said your name was... but then it became Dan... After we got there, my friends and I went inside. I came back outside to give you my number, but you and your friends were gone.

If you're Dan, or you know him, I'd like to hear from you.

Dan?s mom had considered giving him up for adoption, but decided to raise him the best she could. And although she loved him, she knew she?d raised a complete, total douchebag. Maybe she should have drowned him in the river like a sack of kittens.

Celebrating St. Patty's Day @ O'Tooles m4f - 27
You look like a young Reese Witherspoon you were with a few friends Sat. night, I didn't speak with you all night until you were leaving, when you gave a guy a friendly kiss on the cheek, I asked "do I get a kiss" and you gave me one.

Keely had enough of Thomas? constant ass-grabbery. When he pulled on her arm one last time before she stumbled into a cab home, she consented to kiss him, hoping that she?d spontaneously puke in his mouth.

Head-band with Bouncing Shamrocks going home from Downtown Parade - 25
You were riding with your two friends, a blonde girl and a guy. You looked like you were having a lot of fun. I was at the other end of the car looking in you direction. I'm pretty sure we shared more than just a few glances. You are really cute, I wish I had a chance to say hi. When I got off the train, I think I saw you staring at me out the window. I would love to hear from you.

Carly hoped that she?d make it home before she peed her pants. Also, she wished that Jeff would just ride the clutch a little so her bladder didn?t scream at every brake and bump. Fuck Christy for suggesting that Carly pee in a Big Gulp cup.

pj clarke's bus trip - m4w
you: kell(y/i??), curly blonde hair, very cute... brave enough to take care of business in the back seat of the bus on the way down south shortly after your keg stand. kudos on both.

me: trying to keep flirty eye contact with you on the way back but you seemed otherwise occupied (another keg stand on the way back? more business to take care of? hmm...)

you're incredibly cute and I'd love to properly meet you.

hit me back.

Rick heard somebody say that Kelly was ?taking care of business? in the bus. He thought she was peeing, but she was actually blowing the assistant day manager at P.J. Clarke?s. Kelly always thought he was cute and he figured he was finally getting paid back from that time she got wasted on Chandon at lunch and stiffed him. Rick thought Kelly seemed adventurous.

Happy St. P?s everyone!

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking, gardening and being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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