Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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Come clean. Whether you sat in a fancy restaurant, danced in a hot club, or leaned against the wall at a house party, surely you whispered a resolution or two. And resolutions, they never work out. So what lies did you tell yourself about the coming year? Are you going to write that book? Yes! Are you going to drop 20 pounds? For sure. Are you going to find true love forever? No doubt.

But you won't write that book. Maybe a half-finished short story or two, but there's always going to be some cool site to check out, some party to hang out at. And you won't lose the weight. In fact, you'll have to buy new fat pants in '06. And you might go on a few dates and there might even be some sex, but will it last? Maybe not.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this, friend, is your year. Everything will come together for you, thanks to a mixture of hard work, luck and heart. And when you add in some of the magic of the classies, well, you're ahead of the game.

Lonely Hearts Club Member Seeks New Friends - m4w - 40
Everyone is always working, too busy, has kids, etc. etc. Hardworking, yet fun and funny business professional, 40's, non-smoker, seeks to make some new friends in the North Suburbs. Let's make some new friends to hang out with up in our suburban neck of the woods.

Happy 2006 to All

On January 3, Jeff got a reply to his post from a woman named Margaretta, who goes by Twinkle. They exchanged a few flirty emails about work and the single life and then set up a date for the 10. They met at Charlie Beinlich's in Northbrook. They chose a corner table under a large mounted fish, Jeff and Twinkle smiled over burgers and pints of Michelob. Jeff had prepared a list of topics to discuss just in case things didn't flow, but they prattled on for an hour and a half. Twinkle liked the way that he flung his tie over his shoulder as he ate. They dated until April 17, when Twinkle broke up with him with no reason. Jeff joined a softball league, but still went to Beinlich's. Their burgers were to die for.

Cute BBW Seeks Fun, Outgoing Guy - 29
Cute, fun, sassy, beer drinking, movie loving BBW is seeking my perfect loud, fun, sweet, cute wing man-for life if all goes well...but for now having a date on Saturday nights would rock. : ) I'm looking for a fun guy who loves movies, music, theatre, the occassional all day shopping trip, restaurants, and dive bars. Please be between 28 and 40, single, and not a workaholic-I need a guy who has time for me. Pic for pic-hope to hear from you soon. Happy New Year

this is in or around Chicago (Northside)

Cass thought it best to put it out there right away - she was chunky, okay? But still really cute and not huge-huge. She had this notion of who might reply to the ad and who she wanted to reply to the ad. She figured she'd get a lot of black guys, and while she was cool with that, Cass wanted to date a skinny indie rock guy. But she figured she couldn't say "in search of white guy" in her ad, so she left it out. She got 38 replies, one of which was a black guy who loved Cursive. "Who'd have thunk it?" she thought.

Size 2-4, Small Womens Clothing for sale CHEAP! - $5

I am a young lady with TOO MANY CLOTHES! I have a ton of designer clothes ranging from AnnTaylor, Limited, various boutiques, and fun "younger" stores like Hollister and Rampage. Fun, "going-out" clothes, as well as business-casual clothes.

I am simply looking to streamline my wardrobe, and want YOU to take advantage of these gently-worn items (many, actually, have never been worn and still have tags) for very low prices. I am planning on selling these items for prices ranging from $5-$20 per item.

I can take pictures and send them if you want, but it might just be easier for you to stop by-- I live in Wrigleyville. Email me to arrange a time.


"Jesus Christ," said Ellie as she flipped through her huge stack of bills, "I've got to figure this shit out." So she took a long look in the mirror and finally admitted to herself that the gut hanging out of her pants wasn't going away any time soon either. Why not sell the clothes she couldn't wear to pay down her debt, and start working out at the same time? Ellie ended up selling $126 worth of clothes she hadn't been able to wear in eight months. She spent it on a bunch of size six crap from Old Navy, the first month of a gym membership, and three martinis.

I want to eat a nice woman's ass - m4w - 30
I'm looking to spend some time giving a woman the ultimate sexual pleasure of having her ass eaten out. If you have never had another man's tongue on your ass exploring every inch and every hole, you are really missing out. Single or married, doesn't mattered. If you are not getting it at home, I will be happy to provide this pleasure for you. If you are interested, let me know. You really deserve this, and a lot of women are afraid to ask their boyfriends or husbands to perform this on them. Trust me, you will be glad you did this.

Theodore burst out into laughter when he saw this ad. Because if you took out the "ass" part it could be about a beauty cream or a fine chocolate. He forwarded to a few of his friends, who all laughed at it. But his girlfriend Jody thought he might have written it himself. "Are you trying to tell me something?" she half-laughed. "What, about ass-eating?" he asked. Jody winked at him and then poured him another glass of viognier.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking and gardening. She just married a pretty cool dude. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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