Now, I love playing the yenta. I attribute this to an adolescent love of the musical “Hello, Dolly” about a Yonkers, NY matchmaker, played on Broadway by Carol Channing and in the film by Barbra Streisand. I liked Barbra Streisand’s Gibson Girl hairdo and decided that I, too, should be a matchmaker.
I’ve had some successes, few of which have resulted in long-term relationships, but I have prodded a few friendships into bloom--as well as many a dancefloor hook-up. So, at this Friday’s Gapers’ Block Party, I really had hoped to flap my flappy wings and make some magic happen. But we indie stars, we aren’t the in-your-face, grind-on-the-dance-floor kind of crowd.
Some party attendees were indeed wookin’ pa nub via Gapers’ Block Missed Connections, but I took the liberty to observe glances fraught with meaning across the crowded room and wrote my classies thus.
Enjoy, Blockers. It was a fun time.
You Were There
You’re shining, gorgeous--fucking gorgeous--in the candlelight. And in these hip-hop, trip-hop beats, you’re my deepest, most passionate lust. Fuck me with your mighty dorsal fin, you sailfish. But oh! There are several other sailfish in the room! To which one of you, perchance, do I refer?
Signed Lady in Red
Bartender
You’re short, and I’m into that. What I like about you is that you’re so focused on the task at hand--clearing tables. I’d like someone to bus my glasses, if you know what I mean.
RAH
What Initially Turned my head are your amazing, boyish good looks. I love your cowboy-cum-b-boy attire. I love the Western shirt, love the “All Day I Dream About Sex!” shoes. P.S. I’m a girl.
ASH
Hey, I Hope you saw me. I’m the guy with the blonde, Tom Selleck moustache. I’m studying English and I love to conjugate. Wink!
MLP
We Spilled On You
Um, Yeah. We spilled a beer on you. We said it was an accident, but it wasn’t. And we normally wouldn’t own up to it, but, well, we’re doing this spiritual cleansing thing. So, yeah, sorry about those wet pants. Nice butt, though. And nice husband.
DE
Guy With Hat
I can’t decide if you look like the bad guy from “Poltergeist” or the weird guy from REM. Nevertheless, love the chapeau.
ASH
Love Your Hair
Andrew: I don’t want you (in that way) but I want you to teach my boyfriend how to style his hair.
Signed, Miss Mousse Lover
I Heart You
You brushed up against me while waiting to talk about grandma. We later chatted in front of the bathroom. Cute hair. Cute eyes. Coffee sometime? Champagne later?
BS
Bonus!
Overheard at the party:
"Sorry, I shot off early."
"Nothing says 'hot cock' like a set of smiling mugs."
"Kudzu Grenade!"
