Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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I have had several roommates in my time. And while I myself have been my own worst roommate, I've had a few choice ones. Like the extremely Catholic girl who asked me not to say "damn" in our apartment. At some point, she gave me a card in which she'd written "God sure broke the mold when he made you."

Everyone I know has some goofy roommate story. My intended lived with the laziest Communist ever, another guy who continually asked to borrow "some of that toothpaste," and a guy who sang to his wang. My brother (who was once my roommate) lived with this girl who was way into this goofy cult run by Montel Williams Show-regular Sylvia Browne.

I've always found it amazing that we can live with people we're not even friends with, who we may not even like. But when you're in college, or not making enough to live on your own, you'll put up with a lot for your own room in a decent neighborhood close to the train.

FEMALE VEGETARIAN SEEKS same to share two bedroom apt with DSL in great Irving Park neighborhood. $450 plus minor utilities, landlord heated. Melody 312-000-0000. (Chicago Reader)

"Oh, my God. Is that honey?" said Melody, her eyes wide with horror.

Cara put down the bear and the goo inside settled up to the bear's neck. "Um, yeah. Do you want some?"

Melody took two huge steps back and shook her head. "No! Oh, my God. No. That's terrible. The bees, the poor bees!"

Cara went over to the fridge and pulled out a block of Kraft American cheese singles. "What's this made from, Melody?"

Melody blushed a bit, but managed to keep an outraged face. "Whatever, it's made from milk. But no cows died for it. And it wasn't a communal effort."

Suddenly, Cara missed living with her parents.

SBF SEEKS TO live with very outgoing gay or bi white male on north side. Club kids/ bar flies are OK. E-mail at or call 312-555-1212. (Chicago Reader)

Teena had thought that living with Gigi would be one big party. Maybe Gigi would invite his friends over and they'd give Teena a makeover. She'd bathe in their repeated, "Girl, you look good"s and "Any man would my lucky to have you"s. Instead, what she got was a skinny-ass white kid from Winnetka with a meth problem coming home at 4 a.m. and pissing in the closet.

$400 - large room on Belmont Large sunny room in a 3 bedroom flat available Dec 1st. $400 utilities included month to month rental, one month deposit. We are two gay-friendly females insearch of same or respecful guy. We are laid back types but keep a clean house with minimal furnishings. It is a great location, close to the red and brown lines and the 77 bus line. If you want to get closer to down town or are just moving to the city, this is the perfect place. No dope, no perverts. Give us a call to check the place out. 303 000 1234 -T&Kobe (Craig's List)

Terry and Christa decided to schedule the interviews an hour apart, so they'd have time to dish about each applicant before the next one showed up.

The first, a 40-ish woman, seemed nice, but had a bird. "I hate birds. They shit everywhere. Plus, it would be like living with my aunt or something," said Terry. Christa crossed her off the list.

Bradford was next. He was a quiet gay man who worked a lot and had just left his partner of two years. "I just want a quiet place," he said, more to his hands than Terry and Christa. Christa nixed him because she thought she'd have to play breakup counselor.

The last applicant was Mei-Mei, who'd just moved from San Francisco. Terry and Christa gave her neatly tailored outfit and tidy hair a once-over, glanced at each other, then offered her the apartment. She just seemed right.

$340 - North Side Sleeping Room Addison and Kedzie, Clean sleeping room for employed person. Shared bathroom, Secure building. (Craig's List)

Carol was pleased with the room. Sometimes, she just stood in the corner and stared at the Spartan cuteness of it all. Her twin bed with the thin brown comforter. One pillow. A nightstand with two books, a bottle of water, and a lamp. A trunk with most of her belongings and the clothes hanging on a rail. Nothing out of place. Nothing unnecessary. She would drive down from Palatine once or twice a week to stay here. Her husband knew where she was going, and while he curled up on their overstuffed couch to watch a game, she stood in the corner, and marveled.


Uhhh...I kinda need that Back... - m4w - 27
This really isn't a missed connection seeing that I banged you on Saturday night but I don't know your last name. Jennifer you are a tall hot Blonde from downstate Illinois. You work as a waitress at some bar but I forgot the name. I really wish I could have gotten to know you better, sorry I didn't see you off, I guess thats why....

You fucking stole my TV. What the fuck...that thing is like 15 years old and doesn't even have a remote....

But I kind of need that back. See, It's my girlfriend's and she will be coming back into town tomorrow.

Have a heart.


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About the Author(s)

Shylo loves ironing, baking, and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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