Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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If you believe the classifieds (and Queen) "fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round." Oh, I wish! I'd rule the school. But, alas, we're bombarded by gaggles of skinny assed gals flittering about the television and magazines. It drives me to cake. Mmmm.

But my spirits have been bolstered by a recent trend in Chicago personals - men seeking "curvy" gals. And by "curvy," these men mean boobs and butts, a Marilyn Monroe type gal. What is it about the butt, I must wonder? I'm not a butt gal, per se. I enjoy these fellows' praise for a healthy behind, though I am slightly troubled by their enthusiasm. An ass is an ass is an ass, yes? Or not. Let me know.

looking for curvy girl with a big booty - 25*
No I'm not black, and yes I do like girls with big butts. Let me be very clear about this though, I don't like fat girls. If you have a nice big booty, with a huge gut, that doesn't work. I'm talking more along the lines of little waist, huge ass.

Popular culture has decided that for a woman to be attractive, she must be disgustingly thin, so thin that she resembles a crack addict. This is really a shame because there are so many beautiful curvy women out there who have a negative self-image and think they need to loose weight to be appealing.

Forget about guys who do not appreciate your big booty as an asset. I will cherish and adore your booty like the prize it really is.
(Craig's List, men seeking women.)

Thank you for your interesting take on the body image debate, sir. You like big butts and you cannot lie, but the fine badonkadonk that you seek should not be regarded as a cheap carnival prize. A hot ass is the result of a) genetics, b) Buns of Steel-ishness, or c) pie. It is not something you win by knocking down milk bottles with a baseball.

And is it just me, or by "cherish and adore," do you think he means "tenderize and marinate"?

VOLUPTUOUS, BUSTY woman wanted for NO-STRINGS sex - 32
About me: Im 32, white, handsome, fit, fun, funny, sexy, sensual, drug & disease free...etc etc... you will not be disappointed at all

I love--and I mean completely, totally LOVE--busty, curvy women. they are without a doubt the sexiest women in the world. give me Monica Lewinsky any day over any of the vacuous victoria's secret models..... I just dont go for the skinny super-model type.... Im more attracted to the 1940s or 1950s feminine ideal than the current beauty standard... beautiful face, large, full breasts, curvy hips... I like women who are buit like women and not built like skinny, flat-chested teenage boys

Ideally, I want to meet an attractive, busty, voluptuous woman for no-strings physical fun. Im not looking for commitments, or emotional drama, or baggage, or any of that crap. just something easy and fun and very very sexy (and a little naughty too)
(Truncated for length. Craig's List, men for women)

Yes, this man went on and on about the curvy chick he seeks. Does he mention smarts, wit, or talent in his ad? Nope, the dude's seeking a figure to get it on with, not a woman. Props to him for his honesty, but I think there's an easy and dishwasher safe solution here. The Real Doll. Pricey, but quiet.

And really, what man wouldn't prefer Ms. Lewinsky over a Vickie's Shh-Shh model? Girlfriend is a famous purse designer. You could totally talk about buckram and clasps. Hottt!

BIG BOOTY WORSHIP, WM 44, decent looks, personality and morals, clean, healthy, seeks girlfriend who's open, honest, affectionate, with plump, round rear (age/ race open). Enjoy my mouth, tongue, toys, vibrator as well as dinner, movies, music, conversation, boating, biking. I have the place, the time and experience. Please call.
(Chicago Reader, none of the above.)

Something makes me think this guy leads an ass cult. I bet some special pulchritudinous lass responded to this ad, caught this gent's eye, and is now up on an altar somewhere, dizzy from incense, and hypnotized by relentless chanting. But he has "good morals" so never you fear.

Regardless, his enthusiasm is to be commended. This sir has easily quantified the careful balance that characterizes any relationship: lust v. everything else.


ffffffffff............. aaaaaa.........tttttttttttttttttt

(Craig's List, rants and raves)

Ah, there's always a hater. Who asked you, punk? You can keep your Jessica Simpsons and your Jennifer Anistons. The rest of us enjoy the Drew Barrymores, the Kate Winslets, and the Queen Latifahs.

And now, I'll get back to this carrot cake.

It ebbs and flows, this big-assed/curvy trend. Does it follow the phases of the moon, the position of Venus? I know not. But for all the ladies with junk in the trunk, I say thank you.

*sic, sic, sic.

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Emily / July 16, 2004 1:56 PM

A hot ass is the result of a) genetics, b) Buns of Steel-ishness, or c) pie.
Oh how I love that line.

Gordon / July 16, 2004 7:05 PM

Someone tell me the word origin of "badonkadonk," please.

Shylo / July 17, 2004 3:45 PM

It was first - or at least most prominently - used in Missy Elliot's song "Work It" from her 2002 release Under Construction. Now it's one of those words the media has coopted from urban vernacular - like "bling."

brian / July 18, 2004 7:54 PM

No bling! No bling!

Steve / July 19, 2004 10:03 AM

"Badonkadonk" was used to excellent effect by the truly disturbing character of JoJo on The WB's Superstar USA, their "punked" version of American Idol that aired to far too little acclaim earlier this summer. He was, of course, referring to the junk in his own trunk.

Best reality series ever!

robin.. / July 21, 2004 5:12 PM

shylo! nice piece! i had no idea you wrote for the gapers...all the more reason you are the tops. see you around! *robin..

WC / July 26, 2004 2:53 PM

I used to have a body like a small Asian boy. I am now the proud owner of a 2003 model round, meat-on-the-bones ass. I had to wait until I was 24 to get a woman's body...but now I don't look gross in a skirt. Or a dress. Or jeans. Bikini. Shorts....


About the Author(s)

Shylo loves ironing, baking, and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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