I'm getting married in October. Ding-dong, the bells are gonna chime, you know? For the past few weeks, I've been making calls here and there, and spending a lot of time on my good friend Google looking for wedding shit. I don't get what the big deal is about the whole wedding planning thing. What's so hard? You get a place. You get some food. A dress. Ta-da. And, God, if my wedding is the best day of my life, then that's sort of sad. Don't misunderstand—our wedding is going to be bad-ass, but it won't be the one day I get to be a hellacious bitch to everyone in my life, demanding my own way because "THIS IS MY SPECIAL, SPECIAL DAY!"

So, for contrast, I turn to Craig for stories of wedding days that never were. These are ads of rings for sale, dresses for sale. Broken hearts, mysterious circumstances. If I had a zillion bucks, I'd buy back every dress bought for weddings that weren't.

Yellow and White Gold Diamond Engagement Ring - $2000
Stunning Yellow and White Gold Diamond Engagement Ring. 1 carat total weight. Center stone is a marquis cut diamond with 2 smaller marquis diamonds on each side of it. There are also 8 small diamonds on the sides of the marquis', 4 on each side. Band is yellow gold and the center stone is encased in a white gold setting that raises it up for a really eye catching look. This ring is really beatiful. Feel free to email me if you need any further info or if you would like to see a picture. The ring is about 2 years old, but hasn't been worn in a year.

"Did he hit you?" Rebecca asked Sophia, who came to her house sobbing at 3 a.m.—again.

"No, no. He'd never do that," Sophia said, wiping snot on her sleeve.

Rebecca yawned and wrapped her robe around her tight. "So what is it?"

Sophia started talking, and for the next three hours, spat out every crime Ted had committed, little, big. Everything. And when she finally stopped, she looked at Rebecca, expectant.

If it had been later, or if Rebecca hadn't had the start of a truly nasty hangover, maybe she'd have been softer.

“Sophia,” she began. “He's a prick. Sell the ring. And get your coat. I want pancakes.”

Diamond engagement ring
Diamond engagement ring
Solitaire stone set in 14k gold band.
Color H
Clarity VS
Carat Weight .38ct
Shape Round Brilliant

Appraised for $1500 (I have appraisal and original receipt) Beautiful stone... hand picked, visually flawless

I've held onto it long enough, time to move on. Reasonable offer takes it.

Willing to consider trade for princess cut diamond jewelry or sapphire jewelry.

Roger really should have listened to his heart. It was a good—albeit expensive—lesson. But in the end, he was glad to have met Trina. She introduced him to art and poetry, taught him to make great scones. Once, after sex, she taught him the alphabet in Greek so they could have private conversations in public. He would have preferred, however, that she not have been a manipulative harpy with a meth addiction who fucked a six-pack of his friends and then sold his Harvard diploma at the Maxwell Street market.

Price just dropped- MUST GO-wedding ring set*nice* - $500. Price just reduced from $800

Asking $500. Will separate set.
Women's ring 14kt 1/2 ct diamond. Band same. size 7 1/2

Men's 10kt. 1/2 ct as well. size 12

Can show original receipt.

Can be picked up/shown very late night or weekends anytime.

Can call or email for more info.

773-759-6952 Alexandra

Cash only. Local delivery.
PLEASE DON'T THINK I'LL FALL FOR THOSE "OUT OF UNITED STATES" SCAMS!!!

Of all the slights Britton had done her, the one Zoe regretted the most was that he had made her suspicious of everyone. Instead of expecting people to be, on the whole, kind and giving, now she plots, threats. She was lucky to still be somewhat logical, though. After she unloaded these karmically fucked rings, she was going to start therapy. And join a food co-op.

$$$$$$ MEN'S diamond wedding band size 8 1/2 - $250
MEN'S diamond wedding band size 8 1/2. Never made it to the alter, Only one year old. Purchased for approx.$1100.00, but too emotional to take back to jeweler. Must sell at once! 4mm 14K yellow gold wedding band polished to a high shine with princess cut diamonds total weight of .50 carat. The thickness of this ring is about 1.2-1.6mm. Color of diamond is G-H and Clarity is VS2-SI2.

The police said it must have been someone she knew, but they never found out whom. There was so much blood that the landlord had to bleach the concrete underlayment.

beautiful wedding gown w/ bell slip * never worn* - $300
beautiful wedding gown size 10, comes with brand new bell slip. was my dream dress, but never got married. please only us residents reply

The thing was, Justine had never even been engaged. She had bought the dress at a sample sale just to pretend, a habit she'd never grown out of. Justine also had flight attendant outfits, a doctor's coat and stethoscope, and several tailored business suits.

Beautiful Wedding Gown - Never Worn - $1200
This wedding dress was just purchased and for personal resons, can't be worn. It's a size 6, brand new, purchased at a boutique on Armitage, never been altered. Has a satin top with organza bottom overlay. Must sell ASAP. Selling price, or best offer.

Bettina paused again before she posted the ad to Craig's List. She had a nagging thought that including the three photos of herself in the dress, on the day she had purchased it might be tacky. But at least she had cut the head off of them in Photoshop, so nobody would see how happy she had been. Plus, the pictures were really pretty.

Author's Note: Thanks very much to the kind reader who wrote to me last week about my hand problems. Actually, I decided against the Kinesis board and ordered a Comfort CKS keyboard, but I'll think about the Wacom tablet!