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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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I have a confession. Once, a very long time ago, I was a booth babe. C'mon! It was just once and I really needed the money.

So, here's the situation -- It's 1999 and I'd been out of college for a few months and was still looking for a job. I signed up with temp agencies, but the phone wasn't ringing much. One day, I get this call offering me a two-day assignment "helping out" at a trade show booth. "$10 an hour? Sure! Yeah, I'll wear something cute."

I show up at this hotel ballroom that is holding a Y2K preparedness conference. Lots of booths hawking COBOL conversion shit and assorted products to get you through the predicted tech doomsday. So, lots of geeks.

My job was to corral these geeks into our booth where they would answer some survey questions in exchange for some dumb video. I happened to wear a fitted shirt that day and high heels, which gave me a voluptuous Valkyrie look. Which the conference attendees ate up.

And then I wondered why these guys kept asking me if I was staying at the hotel.

Well, at least I didn't know what I was getting in to. Not like the people who answered these Craig's List ads seeking "promotional models." And by the way, advertisers, just cut the crap and say you're looking for pieces of ass.

Promo model/sampler
Team Marketing, a leader in nationwide management and staffing, has exciting events running Chicago. Some involve handing out samples, demonstrating products or giving away prizes at fairs, festivals, bars, tradeshows, athletic events, malls and more. Perfect for models, actors, students and people with great personalities looking for extra income. The staff will be acting as a greeter as well as learn information about the clients products (promotional items, premiums) to help the sales team. Attire may be a clients t-shirt (baby doll possibly) with black skirt or slacks).

Its a fun event and the rate is $200/day.

Cliff cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. He had never, ever in his entire advertising career uttered the words about to come from his mouth. And will all the reluctance of feces from severely impacted bowels, he croaked, "Tits. Tits will sell this product."

The Young Turk smiled, but he did not feel wholly triumphant. Because while he pushed sexier ads, he secretly respected his boss' reluctance to pander. So while he plastered that cocky-ass smile on his face before launching into his pitch for babydoll tees, he mourned the fall of dignity.

2 Models needed for party Friday 11/19 at Reserve
Needed: Two beautiful women for email signups and mingling at rotating monthly 3rd Friday XES party. $50 for 2 hours of work (10-12), then feel free to join the party.

TO APPLY: send headshot, full body shot, height/weight and measurementst

Based on look and performance there is significant opportunity for further work in other fashion and nightlife events.

3rd Friday XES!!!
This month: at Reserve, 858 W. Lake, Friday 11/19. Premium open bar 9-12, $30 for guys, $20 for girls.

"This is tax-free, right?" asked Brooke skeptically.

Tommy threw his hands up in the air and counted out two twenties and a ten from a thick bankroll. "Are you some kind of CPA? Cash is cash. You didn't fill out any 1040."

Brooke glanced at the money then folded it into thirds and stuck it in her bra. "1099."

"What?" Tommy stepped closer.

She backed away not only because he scared her but because he also smelled like Goldschlager. And Goldschlager reminded her of the time that Professor Hadley found her puking in a gutter outside of O'Malley's Bar, helped her home, and didn't mention it at class on Tuesday.

Male and female promotional demonstrators
Male and female promotional demonstrators needed for Dec bookings. Must have instore promotional experience. Must be very dependable. Going into the new year we are looking for alot of great talent for upcoming promotions all thru chicago and the areas surrounding it. Areas most needed now are Decatur, Peoria, Lansing, Litchfield, Wheeling, springfield, Bedford, Antioch, Flora, Dekalb, Sterling, Charleston, Lawrenceville, Quincy, Bridgeview, Darien, Marion, Taylorville, Chester, and Moline. To register go to - do you want to be a model. print w-9, background model talent agreement and fax to 818 876-0803 and email pic and we will call you for more info. Any questions call karen 877-607-0272

She wrote down the number and handed it to her daughter, "You're doing it."

Poppy stuffed the Post-It into her pocket, but never took her eyes off the eyeliner she was really carefully applying. "But Mom! I wanna be a model. Pablo says I'm like, as fine as that foreign lady Donald Trump is marrying."

Clarice clucked her tongue at her daughter, and once again, wondered how a woman with a Vassar education could spawn such a silly child.

"It's something about modeling. Something. It pays. Plus, it's right here in Decatur."

Poppy blew a bubble and let it pop against her nose. "Hot dog, momma!" She squealed and ran off in search of the phone.


They're interesting, these ads for promotional models. But I doubt there are many stories of these would-be models getting discovered while they hand out tchotchkes at the convention center. McCormick Place is not the new Schwab's.

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Shylo loves ironing, baking, and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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