Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Sunday, March 3

Gapers Block

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I work at Michigan and Wacker on the penthouse floor of a building with many windows. On the east side, our lunchroom side, these windows look into living and bedrooms in high-rise condos or businessmen’s rooms at the Hyatt. In between, there is the view of a really beautiful park and playground. The condo is one of those really new buildings where people seem to move in and out with disturbing frequency – which provides a nice visual bookend for the inherent transience of the hotel’s guests. And my co-workers and I sit in the lunchroom, with our chairs turned toward these windows, binoculars in our hands, and wait for the occupants to have sex or walk around naked. Sometimes, they do. And many of them smoke on their balconies.

What follows are true (and not James Frey-true) Missed Connections ads directed towards the folk we see out the window at the Illinois Center.

And at the end, I’ll do a little shout-out to the Craig’s List documentary, “24 Hours on Craig’s List.”

Shopping Bags Behind Couch (mw 4 m) Downtown

You’re new to the building – but not that new. You’ve been there since at least last year’s Christmas party where our CTO sat on that one guy’s lap. But still, you’ve got at least four full shopping bags sitting behind your couch. They’re all from Marshall Field’s but we don’t think that’s what you’ve got in them. Old socks? Hooker’s heads? What?


Post-Booty Terrace Smokers (mw 4 mw) Downtown

Ooooh! We know you guys just totally fucked! It’s like 12:45 and you’re both wearing white terry-cloth robes. The dude has his arms wrapped around the chick and you’re passing a smoke back and forth. Oh, after-sex couple, you are cute. But then we were talking about the unsavoriness of his “post-coital schvantz” when the CEO walked in. So you owe us all a drink for the red-face thing.

We will meet you at Houlihan’s on Friday at 5.

Dead? (mw 4 m) Downtown
Um, hey. Someone should go check in on that guy in the room on the top corner. Because he hasn’t moved all day and he’s just on top of the bed, on top of the sheet. And we’ve checked at least a few times. So maybe send a bellhop or a security guy or something.

Carpet No Longer Matches Drapes (mw 4 w) Downtown

You have a banner that runs down your building that publicizes the leasing number. And you leave to two windows left of the “E” in “lease.” Just wanted to let you know, you made a great call on that hardwood floor in the living room. What is that, cherry? Lovely.

24 Hours on Craig’s List

So this week, I took my first trip to the Gene Siskel Film Center to check out the final screening of “24 Hours of Craig’s List.” It’s gone now, so you’ll have to NetFlix it. The gimmick of this movie is that they found the placers of a ton of different CL ads in San Francisco, and interviewed them. By limiting the look at CL just to SF, you know the documentary is going to be full of crazies, hippies and general freak-flag-flyers. So you get a guy who fronts a hard-driving rock band while dressed as Ethel Merman, a couple into bondage, and a recent Chinese immigrant looking for models for her erotic paintings. You don’t get the dude who has an old IKEA dresser for $15, the engagement ring for sale, or the lady looking for an escort to her cousin’s Michigan wedding like you would on a more Midwestern CL. But you can tell the whole thing is done in the spirit of joy and curiosity and kindness. And the best part, they mention over and over, is that CL is free.

Except for the job postings. And soon, except for the real estate listings.

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