Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
 Thank you for your readership and contributions. 


Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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So I did it. I finally gave notice at my current job of nearly four years. It's not that I hate it or got a better offer. I just needed a change, some time, and a bit of perspective.

A lot of people have asked me what I'm going to do after I finally leave in May. I'm not really sure how to answer that question myself, so I've been playing it off with a shrug and a smile. But I am nervous. I have a few ideas, but no plans. So I turn to my friend Craig for inspiration. I'm open to anything, and anything is what I found.

Floral Designer Upscale florist in the West Loop seeks experienced, full-time floral designer. Responsibilities include designing arrangements, consulting with potential clients and general customer service. Must be familiar with a variety of design styles and be able to adapt to our design guidelines. The ideal candidate will have a professional demeanor, be self-directed and excel at operating independently while working to meet company goals. Must provide portfolio and references.

Please respond via this ad and attach resume.

As a can-do gal with a penchant for peonies, this ad immediately appealed to me. I think it would be fun to put together austere orchid boxes for sleek downtown foyers or frowsy bouquets for the young gentlemen in love. But every rose has its thorn! Right? What I've learned over the course of 10 years of full-time work is that every place, no matter how idyllic from the outside, has its issues. So maybe the clients of this upscale place are assholes. Or maybe the shop relies on way too much filler in their arrangements. There's always something.

SHOWROOM/CLUB MANAGER ADMIRAL THEATRE, Chicago's Premiere Gentlemens Club, is now accepting resumes/applications for Showroom Manager. Must be experienced in club management, and able to handle the paperwork and procedure as well as the guests and staff. E-mail resume to, or apply in person after 7:00 P.M., to 3940 West Lawrence Ave (one block east of Pulaski).

No Phone Calls Please!

Now we're talking. Not only is the Admiral mere blocks from my house (seriously), but I'm that this position would be full of surprises. The worst thing about work is being bored at work, right? Working at the Admiral, you'd have to track down the girls all the time, make sure they were all spray-tanned to the extreme and not covered in bruises from their boyfriend's drumsticks or whatnot. You'd also have to make sure the cops from the Pulaski station get a seat at the tip rail because the next time someone gets rolled in the champagne room, you'll need their quick and quiet response.

PET TALENT NEEDED Would you like to break your pet into the modeling and entertainment industry? Glamour Model Talent, Inc. is the licensed and bonded talent agency to help get your pet started. We need pet talent for TV, commercials, movie extras, stunt work, print advertising - All kinds of animals and breeds. Training or prior experience is not required. We have advertising contracts to fill and your pet can be our next star! Top pay! Call 312-xxx-xxxx for an appointment. We interview new pet clients on Sundays 10:00am till 7:00pm.

I have five cats. Five hot cats. One of them is bound to have some kind of talent. But which one? The older, surly biter? The whiny daddy's boy? The fat tabby with a yen for nutritional yeast? Or the two long-hairs with allergies? I know, all of them sound like the next star of Milo and Otis 2: Electric Boogaloo. Cross your fingers!

Chicago - Traffic Reporter Opportunity with Job Opening: On-Air Radio Traffic Reporter

POSITION DESCRIPTION: The On-Air Radio Traffic Reporter is assigned to the Operations Center and is responsible for broadcasting traffic information to client radio stations and assisting Traffic Editors in gathering information. Chicago is seeking candidates to serve as substitute reporters, available to work during morning and afternoon rush hour periods, covering shift responsibilities of regularly scheduled radio reporters.

The only reason I want this job is to give incorrect traffic information. Is that so wrong?

Green Zebra : Line Cook restaurant has an immediate opening for a full time line cook. Applicants should be motivated and enjoy working with fresh seasonal vegetables. Please send resume to, fax 312 xxx xxxx

Ok, kidding aside, this is the job I really, really want. I consider myself a pretty accomplished vegan home cook, but I don't have the culinary degree or kitchen experience necessary to land this type of gig. But I'm motivated, know chicory from cherimoyas, and really want to work in food. It would be a big change from advertising, but apparently, when people leave the ad world, they tend to go into foodservice.

But I won't apply. I'll work on my house, half-heartedly pursue some freelancing and drive myself nuts. Have any of you totally changed careers? How did it turn out? Let me know at shylo_b at hotmail dot com and you'll get all of the binder clips I've been hoarding.

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