Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Sunday, March 3

Gapers Block

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The new year is a difficult time for many people -- those in serious debt, the lovelorn. It leaves you with a feeling of "Maybe this year I'll get it together" that makes you just want to run to the nearest bookstore and shell out for daily planners, finance manuals and self-help books.

The Classifieds are just now feeling the full force of NYEY2K5, though, and if you don't believe me, check out the wistful, painfully earnest ads filling the Reader's I Saw U and Craig's List's Missed Connections sections.

What a contrast these ads are from last week's review of the shallow, shark-like new magazine Trader Monthly.

NYE @ Cafe Babareeba
Blonde girl with royal blue top on the dance floor with your girlfriends just before midnight. We exchanged glances and smiles before leaving the dance floor for the new year toast. I lost you in the crowd after the countdown. How about meeting up for tapas and sangria?

It wasn't like the movies, that moment. The salsa music didn't slow and she didn't glow brighter than the other women around her. But there was something about it that Kip held on to. Even though he made out with some other woman that night, he remembered her. But Courteney, near-sighted and drunk, didn't feel the same. And she hates, hates sangria. She believes you shouldn't have to sieve out fruit to get to the wine.

You caught my eye
I saw you on New Year's Eve at Zentra. You were at the bar getting a drink. You wave at me and I wave at you back. You came over to me later when you saw me by the door at the second floor. We introduce ourself. I was wearing black pants and a black tube top but I forgot what you were wearing. We danced together and kissed. You gave me your number but the number wasn't a working number. Ever since that night, I have been thinking about you. I am hoping you read this ad so we can hook up again.

According to Trina's best friend, she acted like such a slut that night. But didn't she deserve it? Trina had just had her heart so utterly broken by that dick Phil and she was out for revenge. And although it wasn't quite satisfying, New Year's Day was the first morning she didn't wake up and check to see if Phil was sleeping beside her.

New Years Day - Blue Line to O'Hare around 10:30AM - w4m - 25
Me: Glasses (too tired to put my contacts in) short brown hair, brown eyes, Tazmanian Devil T-shirt. I was facing the way the train was going, right near the doors and got off at Rosemont.

You: GORGEOUS Latino man, short black hair, goatee, dark blue jacket and turtle neck,gold earring. sitting facing me on the other side of the doors. I'm guessing you got off at O'Hare because that was the only stop left after mine.

I was still half asleep from a great NYE, so I didn't say anything to you, but I just had to let you know you are hot as hell.I wish I could have kissed you at midnight. Drop me a line if you get this! Hope you had a great NYE. :-)

If she hadn't ralphed on herself just after midnight, Jessie wouldn't have been wearing that freaking stupid Tasmanian Devil t-shirt. Couldn't Cameron have loaned her something nice? He ran all those 5Ks -- don't they give out nice shirts for those? Whatever. Cameron couldn't get it up anyway and the whole night was ridiculous. But sill, Jessie tried her best to flirt with this guy on the train, even though she was holding a grocery sack containing her favorite dress all covered in vomit.

Codie / M-B Finance/ Hard Rock Hotel Lobby - NYE - m4w
We met and seemed to really enjoy each other. You were with your girl friend who wanted a cigar - my friends were smoking them. Your frined was busy "working" the crowd and being the good friend, you were watching out for her. Unfortunately that was a bit of a distraction and continued to take you away from me - although we still managed to have fun :) I'd like to chat more if you do.

PS - That was a GREAT skirt you were wearing!

"You are gonna make soooo much money tonight, Keira," said Monique, teetering on five-inch stilettos.

"It's Kyra," she said, still trying on the new name. Really, she was Katherine. "Um, don't you think this skirt is just a little too short? Maybe people will know." She tugged at its hem, but it still barely hid her underwear.

Why did she always have to train the newbies? Monique rolled her eyes and giggled at the girl's nervousness. "Sweetie, you want people to know you're on the job. Don't let 'em guess. There's too many girls out there who wear the uniform already."

"I guess," muttered Kyra. She stared at her tarted up face in the mirror and wondered how the night would go -- and when exactly she'd realize that this escort business wasn't research for that novel she wasn't writing.


Jeff Connor if you are on here, we are completely finished!
Fuck you, you asshole. I can't fucking believe you. No one lies to my face like that, and you thought I wouldn't find out!

I hope you see this, because it will be the last thing you are ever hearing from me!

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About the Author(s)

Shylo loves ironing, baking and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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