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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Wednesday, July 24

Gapers Block

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Recently, a few of us at my office have been trying to help teach this one nerdy kid with whom we work how to develop -- and effectively market! -- his game. And he has no game. So we're helping him recognize the doors that sometimes women leave open for conversation. Is she wearing funky shoes? Ask her about 'em. Band t-shirt? Say you love that one single you heard on "The O.C."

I think that a lot of folks who work the classies for love do this very thing. In the same way a mountain climber seeks a toe hold to go higher, classies posters have a few clear, attention-getting tools. Sometimes they mention their occupation, e.g. doctor, stockbroker. Pretty much only the cha-ching professions, and only guys. But regardless of sex, orientation or type of relationship sought, everybody drops song lyrics. Everybody.

But what do the lyrics say about you?

Love will tear us apart

Do you know who wrote the song in my headline?

I'm a writer, a student, an employee at the Shedd Aquarium, and a musician. I love to read and I love to watch movies. That is a brief view of what I do, but doesn't really reflect who I am. Unless you want a giant character bio I don't think I can explain who I am in a paragraph. Experiences make the person, and I would like to hear about your journey over coffee, holding hands while walking through the city, over dinner, while waiting in line for a movie, or cuddling on the couch.

When it comes to women I don't really have any particulars. Hit me up, and we'll get some coffee. We'll see what blossoms.

"Love Will Tear Us Apart"
Joy Division
Factory Records

Contrary to popular belief, singer and songwriter Ian Curtis did NOT kill himself by tying a noose around his neck and standing on a block of ice, hanging slowly as the block melted. He did hang himself, though, but no block of ice. Before he hung himself, he watched this horribly depressing Werner Herzog movie, "Stoszek." Thanks, Wikipedia!

And thank you, classies poster, for using song lyrics to put your depression front and center.

Spinning round n' round !!!
Hi, I am searching for a cool, laid-back, down-to-earth, easy on the eyes, intelligent, funny, shapely woman for concerts, lounging , drinking strong coffee , and enjoying the ambience . Must be a music LOVER !!! I am a decent looking (haven't broken any mirrors lately), bright (sharp as a rusty tack ), easy going , funny as hell , in shape , down to earth guy . Let's hang out, be friends, get involved, tear up the sheets , enjoy the winter days , fall in love , or all of the above . You get the idea . Carpe Diem !!!

"You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)"
Dead or Alive

Although lots of songs feature the "spinning" and "round" words, I think it would be most interesting for this rough-and-tumble straightie to have quoted Dead or Alive to draw the attention of a prospective lady love. He could have also employed the seductive wiles of DoA's other big hit "Brand New Lover." But this dude is probably just a Sandler fan who watched "Wedding Singer" one of the f-ing thousand times it was on in the past two months.

Come here lover boy!
Hi -
Ok so I am looking for a guy who is a gentleman and can share a good laugh.

Of course physical attraction is key but there has to more to it than that. Conversation, respect, laughter. I love : to laugh, pda (nothing gross just hand holding, touching, gentle kisses), great conversation, imagination, creativity. What else would you like to know?

"Love is Strange"
1957 or 1984!!!!

If you are a lady of a certain age seeking a fella, do not quote ANYTHING from "Dirty Dancing." Ever. Because, my dear, you have just cloaked your entire person in a fluffy pink cloud of crazy spray. I guarantee you that dudes are going to think you want to get married ASAP. Our Baby here has uses song lyrics to be cute, but comes off as cutesy-poo. Which is fine. But that's not hot. Per se.

Mom says I'm a catch
If you want some well-worn cliches- I am a tall drink of water with the glass half full and my cup runneth over. What can I say about myself that doesn't end up sounding cheesy? You'll have to meet me and let me know.


I've always liked the ironic, super sarcastic "Popular." Not the sucrose-filled tune from "Wicked" made -- ahem -- "popular" by that pint-sized dynamo, Kristen Chenoweth. However, what does this song snippet say about this classies poster? Absofreakinlutely nothing. In fact, here, she employs a song not to draw attention but to steer focus away from her fear that she will be last-picked. She's dashed off a quickie personals post to sound devil-may-care. But you kind of know that she isn't anyway.

I am dreaming the impossible dream - 31
Hi there,
Just like my title says I'm looking for the dream. I've dealt with too many jerks in my time. I love a girl who can make me laugh, it's such a turn on. Personality is a big thing with me, sure good looks are great but good looks fade, personality doesn't.I have brown hair w/red tints, it's kinda cool lol. I have blue/green/gray eyes, they tend to change now and again. I'm 6'3 (insert short joke here) I've heard them all. Anyways, if you are interested at all I'd love to hear from you...feel free to send me a message. Prove to me that there really are nice girls in this world, I'm losing my faith....

Have a nice day, hope to hear from you, don't worry about the blonde in the picture, it's just my bitch/slut/whore ex.

"The Impossible Dream"

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, man. This is not the right time for this fella to be searching for love. Clearly, he is only in the "Anger" stage of grief and it's just too soon. But it is extremely interesting that you picked a quote from that shitty stage musical, "Man of La Mancha." Think about the main character, Don Quixote, always relying on his extremely poor judgement, and always falling short in his quest for the heart of Dulcinea. What this guy needs to do is reflect on how his ways in love are quixotic and change them -- rather than humiliate his ex on CL.

This, readers, is how you use a song to inadvertently expose a part of your character you wish to hide or explain away.

So, what song lyric would you use in your personals ad? Let my know at shylo [ at ] gapersblock [ dot ] com. I'd definitely use some Morrissey lyric. Because it seems that few people are "eh" about him; they either love him or hate him. And while I'd love to be with a Moz lover, I absolutely would not be with a Moz hater. So in my case, I would be employing songs to separate the wheat from the chaff. Which, in my book, is just fine.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking and gardening. She's attempting to be a vegan.
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