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Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Tuesday, April 16

Gapers Block

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I'm not so much a parade-goer, you know? There's the whole crushing throng thing — and then the potties. Plus, all I can think about are pickpockets. And as I considered going to this year's Pride Parade in Lakeview, I thought about how a little band of British street urchins would be gathering, donning leather chaps, and pouring through the streets in search of the Pink's green money.

So, I stayed home and watched The Life of Harvey Milk. Excellent, by the way.

But 400,000 of you turned out to cheer those Out. Cool. Also, you paradegoers, you checked each other out! Which is good for me.

Read on, Readers. Here are a few selections from Public Notice's Pride faves.

kilt guy with the lesbian crew at pride - m4m - 27
You were a guy named Eric hanging out with a group of lesbians. One of them went to southern baptist seminary in louisville. i wore white shorts and tank and you pinched my nipple.

So this guy, Eric? Yeah, he seems to have won the Miss Congeniality award this year, as he was feted in no fewer than four Craig's List ads. Eric, you little nipple-pinching minx, you won a lot of hearts this year. What you doin' with a bunch of lesbians, then?

I saw you at Pride. - 24
I saw you at Gay Pride. I was the cute guy, great body, wearing cargo shorts and no shirt.

YOU were really goodlooking and have a killer body, wearing cargo shorts and had your shirt off.

Let's date; a.k.a. "have sex."

I was listening to this documentary(1) about irony today — perhaps that's what I'm reading this ad with a pretty critical eye, rather than a take-it-at-face-value (hey, that's a good porno title) skim. But this ad is so generic as to have been written by a lampooner, an armchair ironist looking to mock the gay while acting gay. Thus, irony. And I thought cargo shorts were for lesbians. No?

(1) The documentary included a bit by David Foster Wallace.

The dancing guy outside of Hydrate - after Gay Pride - m4m - 30
You, about 22, were the paper thin guy outside of Hydrate around 6pm last night. My friends and I watched you dance violently with a "female" who was two times your mass. You were on what I am guessing to be crystal meth; but whatever it was, it's totally working for you.

I was drawn to your glassed over eyes within your deep, dark eye sockets. And, the way you were unaware your body was being torn apart by a tree, impressed me. The way you squated on the sidewalk while your 220lb dance partner bounced up and down on your 110lb body, tearing the shit out of your knees.

I was also impressed at the size of the crowd of people you drew inside and outside of the bar just to make fun of you. Without even noticing other people were around, you made dance moves that involved placing your body and face against the urine and garbage soaked sidewalk, while your partner jumped up and down on you.

I really like the fact you did not feel the need to pay the cover charge to get on the dance floor; but rather save your hard earned cash for more party supplies. Sidewalk dancing is FREE! Thrifty guys a +++!

If you see this and are still alive, shoot me an e-mail. Let's set up a date!

My name is Recovery.

Carry on with your mirth-making, blithe spirit. The Goddess smiles upon you.

Chicago Spirit Cheerleader - m4w
You were carrying the Chicago Spirit Cheerleading banner in the parade. Tall, thin, with a gorgeous smile and killer abs. As you walked by, you smiled, shot your arm in the air and yelled "Let's hear it Chicago!"

I screamed as loud as I could, hoping you noticed me.

More hoping that you weren't gay.

If anybody knows her, send me an email.

Somebody wrote in to say that this woman wasn't gay, just a straight member of something called the Chicago Spirit Brigade. The CSB would like potential corporate sponsors to know that it is currently "seeking corporate and private sponsors to help strengthen the organization. There are an abundance of needs and marketing synergistic opportunities." Because they used the phrase "synergistic opportunites," I hate them. were so kind to me - m4m - 35
Thanks to the guy who danced with me on Saturday. You have dark hair and were wearing jeans and a brand new pair of tennnis shoes. I was the newbie, who had never two-stepped before and you took pity on me, and showed me a good time. I never caught your name, weird isn't it? That close and I never found out who you were. You're like a crazy ghost dancer. Anyway, thanks, you made Pride weekend memorable for me.

I love the phrase "crazy ghost dancer."

Here is a list of songs with "dancer" in the title:

"Tiny Dancer" by Elton John
"Lap Dancer" by the Black Shadows
"Slow Dancer" by Boz Scaggs
"Fancy Dancer" by the Commodores
"Cosmic Dancer" by T. Rex
"Born to Be a Dancer" by the Kaiser Chiefs
"Spanish Dancer" by John Tesh
"Dancer" by Queen
"Taxi Dancer" by John Cougar
"Hoop Dancer" by Bruce Cockburn


"Ghost Dancer" by Gabrielle Roth & the Mirrors

(This list is not exhaustive.)

Blonde Cuttie in front of Gay mart at PRIDE! - 23
Okay so i was in the parade in cutie white underwear passing out beads. You were in front of gay mart wearing little more then that awsome smile and a shit load of beads. I gave you some beads and said they were because you were gorgious, you asked if that was why i had so many. We kissed had a moment, and by god i would have killed to keep that moment going if the fucking parade could have just stopped then. Sorry i had to keep marching, but if you wanna share that moment again, or maybe see if there might be another kind of connection then get back to me, or if you read the beads i gave you then you know where to find me! =) I'll be there untill 8/16, i hope i get to see you again cutie !

This is interesting. Let's say Ken finds Ken and they move out to Barrington and adopt a cute little Russian girl one day. How will they explain how they met? But this is not solely a gay concern — because millions of couples have had to come up with cover stories for first meetings that included giving hand jobs in bar bathrooms, fucking in the back of a stranger's Corolla at a house party, or a drunken make-out session in a coat closet at a wedding.

Congratulations to Marina Lin, winner of last week's "wirte your own reply" contest. Marina will be receiving a super-cool t-shirt — a $12 value!

Here is the original:

Goddess at Ñ Lounge, listening to Bossa Tres - m4w - 30
I've seen you before, I am almost sure you are of Brazilian origin. This time you were wearing a black shirt emblazoned with "Girl" on the front and "03" on the back, and black jeans. I love the way your glasses fit your face, your dark hair and your oh-so-beautifully-voluptuous body. I am the guy you probably didn't notice. Several times I almost gathered the nerve to talk to you but you were always surrounded by your friends. I was discreetely but insistingly looking at you hoping to make eye contact but alas, I was either beyond your field of vision or maybe too ugly to bother.

So that's that. You were the most gorgeous woman to grace Ñ Tuesday night. I hope to see you again next week, when I'll probably fail to break the ice yet again, because I'm a dork.

And here's what Marina said:

Suzy caught a strange look on Sam's face and followed his gaze, only to land on a pretty girl surrounded by friends. Why does he always do that? She felt the familiar exasperation rise in her throat. Ever since they've been friends in high school, his objects of affection were way out of his bespectacled league. It was as if he had formed some defense mechanism, lusting after girls he knew he couldn't possibly date so that he can avoid what was right in front of him.

"Aren't you going to Clarke's with us? How come?" Sam called after her as they were leaving.

"You're afraid of reality, that's why," she grumbled as she hailed a cab.

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About the Author(s)

Shylo Bisnett loves ironing, baking and gardening. She will soon be a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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