Gapers Block has ceased publication.

Gapers Block published from April 22, 2003 to Jan. 1, 2016. The site will remain up in archive form. Please visit Third Coast Review, a new site by several GB alumni.
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Saturday, March 2

Gapers Block

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There are few moments of pure, perfect bliss, but for me, the one that reigns supreme occurs on every road trip. My bladder is full to burst, my car is running on fumes, and I'm starving. I breathe a sigh of relief as I puff into the gas station, fling the door open, and sprint for the potty. Twenty minutes later, I'm back on the road, tank full, bladder mercilessly empty, and munching on Starburst.

It's a moment so perfect and so simple, and just slightly edges out that first sip of a second martini, when your body unclenches and your heart goes, "Ahhh."

I'll knock that maudlin nostalgia off now and give you hungry folk what you want -- some motherfucking Craig's List. Since The Reader utterly fucked up their Matches section, it's going to be CL from here on out. Take a ride with me, will you, through CL's rideshare section. Maybe we'll stop for a Frosty at Wendy's later.

Looking for a bus from Chicago to Alpine Valley for Linkin Park

A friend and I are looking to get in on a bus trip going from Chicago to Alpine Valley in East Troy, WI for Linkin Park's Projekt Revolution concert on Friday, August 27. We have put together similar bus trips to Alpine for Jimmy Buffett and other shows, but are now looking to see if anyone has spots to fill on their bus for this show. If so, drop me a line.


You know, Adam, I really hate to do this, but I just have to. Adam, well, you're a dick. I'm sorry. But I know what I'm talking about because I once loved the Dave Matthews Band. But someday, Adam, the cloud of pot smoke swirling around your head will clear and then you'll reconsider your woeful, frat-boy, wine cooler ways. Or maybe you'll find some nice girl who will lead you to some better bands. Fare thee well, sweet Adam. Fare thee well.

need a ride from dubuque iowa to denver area 8/23

hi i have about 20 bucks and i need to get to denver. i am out of the way for most things. i can drive the whole way and cut your hair or wash your dog. please pick me up. i am flexible about a day or so. let me know.

Gas, grass or ass, man. Nobody rides for a twenty. Cut my hair and wash my dog? Fuck that shit, Denver. I'm thinking you're going to give love-me-long-time foot rubs. I'm thinking you're cutting up my Moons Over My Hammy. Nah, I'm just shitting you. But really, you seem pretty desperate to get out of Dodge. I'd bet your twenty that you either shot a cop or fucked the wrong woman.

Driving to NY Aug. 20

I am driving to New York City August 20th, friday, and am looking for someone to come with/ share the driving load.

I am a junior at the university of chicago.

If I try to drive 12 hours by myself I will faint and then crash.

Help me out.


Molly, I'm going to say something simple that perhaps you never thought about: Maybe, being a fainter and all, you should just avoid driving 12 hours. You could pull over and stay at a Motel Six or a rather unfortunately named Super Eight. Get some shut-eye, you know? Or, maybe you're down with driving a dozen hours with some stranger from CL. The last line of your ad screams damsel in distress/kinky road sex with a CL stranger, btw.

Any fellow comics free as well? San Diego to New York?

Hello, I will be headed to Chicago from San Diego for a convention/show Sept. 4th. Any other comics/comedians that have a car want to make a tour of it along the way? We could stop in local comedy clubs between San Diego and Chicago (doing open-mics along the way). By the time, we arrive in Chicago (and then to New York if desired), we could become famous! You never know! I'm a responsible, sane (yeah right, I'm a comic!:), funny, entertaining person and hope you're the same...

Oh, Jesus Christ. Can you imagine these two fame-hungry bastards tooling down Route 66, yukking it up in a rickety old Corolla? Oh, to be a fly on the wall in this car. Imagine the moment of delicious disappointment, probably somewhere out side of Omaha, when one or both of these two gets booed offstage. Cut to a messy motel room. There's rainbow suspenders draped rakishly across the dresser, and the two comics are fighting over the last grains of crystal meth and swig of cheap whiskey. Yuk yuk yuk!

All this rideshare business has me itching for the Flying J. I need a t-shirt with a wolf howling at the moon. And Cool Ranch Corn Nuts. Who's with me?

GB store


Qwert / August 20, 2004 6:56 AM

I'm with you.

First lets stop off at the Kum & Go in Des Moines for a breakfast that consists of a power bar, a Mountain Dew slurpee, and beef jerky. Only 23 hours to Boseman, Montana. From there it's smooth sailing all the way into the Pacific Northwest...unless of course it's winter. Which means we'll both end up as a pair of skeletons discovered inside an Astrovan down some lone mountainside ravine. But think of the lasting memories we'll provide to some curious hiker as they witness springtime's blooming first corpses.

molly / August 20, 2004 11:07 AM


I didn't want to pay for a motel (super8 costs about 60 bucks these days).

I didn't want to pay for gas.

I am a damsel in distress, no act.

Now I'm driving to NY to see my dog with an old friend from college who saw the ad and called me, and two strangers who I expect will be either cool enough to make it fun, or horrible enough to make it a great story for us to tell each other later.

Hold the corn nuts.

Didn't I meet you at a party once? Radical.

cd / August 20, 2004 11:20 AM

Shylo, you are a cold-hearted lady. Reminds me of an old girlfriend... Anyway, people, if you're looking for adventure and you can't go the distance, pick up a hitcher and let him drive. Adam- if you're reading this, please don't go to the Linkin Park "show". It will be a complete waste of everyone's time, I promise.

Chester B.

Shylo / August 20, 2004 12:09 PM

Molly! Have we met? of this i am not sure. But I'm really glad you found some peeps to drive with you. I was pretty scared for you when I read your ad. What's with the fainting?

Oh, I love the Super 8 because if you think of the word "supperate" it means oozing or something.

The Calculator / August 20, 2004 2:47 PM

Tell me you're the same person who wrote this:

and maybe it won't seem like the idea was lifted...

Shylo / August 20, 2004 3:11 PM

Shit. I've read Blair's column before, but didn't see this one. Well, it's only natural that sometimes our topics overlap. We both write about classifieds.

I assure you though that I don't steal. Amy Blair is awesome and I would not lift her stuff.

I will try to mix it up though and not just read Craig. But check out the Reader's classifieds. They are a mess.


The Calculator / August 20, 2004 3:20 PM

Cool. You're an excellent writer and seem like a stand-up gal. I don't mean like you do stand-up, I mean, well, you know what I mean. As the kids say, it's all good.

miss ellen / August 20, 2004 3:31 PM

loved the topic - great job, shylo!

let's just call this a case of synchronicity and enjoy them both.

Shylo / August 20, 2004 3:34 PM

Thanks, Calc & Ellen. Who wants a hug?

The Real IHC / August 25, 2004 11:06 AM

Adam obvioulsy isn't into music, as he was headed to see Linkin Park, but previously went to a Jimmy Buffet concert.

So you can't critique his choices, apparently, he just likes bus rides.


About the Author(s)

Shylo loves ironing, baking, and dancing naked. She dreams of being a naughty housewife. Let her know what you think about Public Notice at .

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